Rants

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why is it the people who do rude, mean things turn the situation around and accuse me of being mean when it is them who started the whole thing. Since when is walking out in the middle of a meal after being invited to dinner in any way all right?. I cannot peacefully sit down and pretend I am not overwhelmed by a barrage of confusing emotion like some avalanche carrying me who knows where. It is lucky I didn't throw the corn on the cob across the room.

Why do people feel the need to stab me in the back when they know the truth, and have the nerve to be all nice about it to my face? First they coax me into doing things I really didn't want to do, then they fail to understand that I have an inbuilt need for time alone, then they accumulate a debt to me of about £110, then behind my back they try to tell people that I'm FAKING Asperger's, I mean, how can I have been sly enough to fake a condition that affects most aspects of my life since I was born? It doesn't matter, I'm a better musician than them, and they're losing their friends.

I want to strangle those former tenants with their undisconected phone cord

Reverse lookup seems to suggest that the phone isn't even in their name anyway, or maybe they had the same problem as me and didn't bother getting the previous occupants phone disconnected.......4 YEARS AGO!! ! They might have been using someone elses phone connection and racking up calls on someone elses account for the last 4 years?? If so, no wonder they're being so elusive!!

Anyway, I hate these dipshit people at the phone provider company who have sh***y internal communications and keep sending me back to step one when I try to get the former tenants connection disconnected.

I'll never have my own home phone at this rate.

*sceams hysterically*
MAKE IT STOP!

Ugh, stop liking what I like. I don't want to have anything in common with you.

Nvm what I had posted, when I read it again, it seemed rather rude. Myeah FAIL >.<

Horrid horrid horrid body dysmorphia! I'm scared to death of getting older and I always think it's the end and I look back and realize I wasted my time cause it wasn't the end and intellectually I know this isn't the end either but EMOTIONALLY I CAN DO NOTHING ABOUT THE BAD FEELING. Horribly obsessive-compulsive this stupid disorder is.

I will now try a proper rant, if I will not fail yet again. yeah ehm. I am not good at ranting anyway. I don't like sobbing about my feelings or how hard my life is (I guess because I know there people who have even harder lifes and I just tell my self to toughen up.) Anyway, I dislike anxiety and my disorders but at the same time I am happy that I am who I am, I am not always happy at life, somethimes even quite sad, but I try to cope with life to the best of my ability. I in any case have no plans of going depressive, so yeah, I can just push my self to keep going and try to enjoy my life. I don't know if I will overcome my anxiety and learn to live happily with my autism and ADHD nor wether I will make much of my life. I try to not give up hope tough. I might not live my life in great way atm, but I don't believe in giving up.

^ You sound a lot like I would have, last year, and to a little degree, this year.

Pain isn't funny to me. Stop laughing at my stress-related health problems. I don't care about the bonus for meeting targets. I want my health back.

Stop taking advantage of the fact that it's easy to make me feel guilty. Let me be happy and let me relax.

Starting to dislike the whole the more accomplished/succesfull in life the more happy you are things. Screw it, I have spend enough time in the past studying how to be succesfull, confident and popular. I am just going to try to be happy not accomplishing that much, so what, you know. Maybe I still will accomplish things in the future maybe it would HELP if I would start out being happy. lol. yeah. hmm. I mean happyness leads to more succes then sadness, noh? myeah not that I am always sad but I don't feel accomplished. I did used to be happy in life but it was only because I had accomplished things I wanted but I now I am starting to wonder why I let my happiness depend on succes so much. Shouldn't I just overstep it. Be happy with me now and get succesfull later maybe. You know, I am not going to spend my life sad and sobbing just because I am not the most succesfull person on earth right now. I almost automatically feel the need to be better then I now am, to be dissapointed with not having the succes I want. Well, screw that. I want to try to just stay happy with where I am now even if it's not where I dreamed to be. It's hard tough. Also it feels nothing but strange and illogical to not strive to the best you can be. I will give this a try regardless, besides being happy makes one better able to succeed, right?

Bloody burglars! haven't they got the message that after 3 years of trying and one arrest, they're NEVER GETTING IN THIS HOUSE!?!?!??! They scared my Mum, made my Dog go mad and tampered with the lights at the back, none of which has ever worked so why are they still trying? Makes me think less of society these days... Now I remember why I preferred guitar, anime and games.

What the hell is wrong with people. Contrary to what you may believe, I am NOT trying to use my being an Aspie as a crutch. You are just looking for ways to make me a freaking scapegoat!! I have said it time and again that I don't like it when you two-bit, pea-brained, self-serving narcissitic parasites say that I am!! I am done trying to hide my stimming and meltdowns from you backward, name-calling, trogloditic neanderthals. I am an Aspie and I am proud of who I am, so screw you!! !!

today was horrible. for the last eight or nine weeks ive been going to marxist discussion group on thursdays at 5:30. my whole day was based around it. go to a class i enjoyed, finish at 12, go to queer youth centre for a few hours to kill time until five. three things that lasted a whole day that made it brilliant and that i looked forward to for a whole week. i even wore my favourite shoes on thursdays. it was very structured, my routine. now thursdays are gone. marxist discussion group was only supposed to go for a few sessions so i could learn about the abcs of socialism and now i have so there is nothing to go to anymore. i only went to the youth centre on that day to kill time before the group meeting so i cant go to that either. i feel unsettled and wrong . i dont know what to do. i feel lost. i finish class and then what? i have nothing to look forward to.

I know the feeling VMSmith. No structure in my life the past five+ years. I feel like a 25-year-old retiree and I don't like it.

Rant 2 I guess. Except not angry. : I am depressed. I don't know what the deal is but I can't pull myself out of it. Medicine only does so much i guess. It is what it is what it is what it is.

So hard to be what other people want you to be. I'm not going to say more or it'll all come out.