scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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-2 pain in my "heart", anxiety, sad

Back into positives. Sometimes people manage to say exactly the right thing.

-4. People who think I'm playing stupid games. I'm not a risky player and I have too much to lose.

Fine, apart from making myself sick with worry.

About -4. Sad, disappointed with myself. Annoyed that I can't deal with things that I thought I could, that I keep coming back to the same place. My heart aches.

-10.

I cried when he made that post about making a scar for hurting someone. She acted glad. I don't understand.

4.5, average and meh.

-9 and seriously feeling like im on the point of a nervous breakdown.

-5 since the landlord has raised the rent for everyone in the apartment complex..
Now is the time I wished I was a mutant..

Still the same. Now I'm scared that he won't want to talk to me anymore.

^ I hope things work out with that guy. And I hope that everyone is well...

3. Have arrived at boyfriend's parent's farm. Kind of worried though that they think I am a fussy, OCDish city slicker already.. or maybe a suburb slicker.

But it is so lovely out here... they have a vegetable patch that grows huge courgettes amongst other things. Apparently i am told it becomes a marrow when it gets to that size and is no longer a courgette. But I had the healthiest dinner last night, loads of vegetables, and goats milk in my breakfast and coffee.

I am a little concerned I will be milking goats at sub-antarctic temperatures when the winter comes... and a little out of my depth already with the goats, I went in there before to give them some feed and they jumped all over me, being adolescent goats, so nearly adult sized but with a kid's energy.. at one point 2 of them started fighting each other and I just happened to be in between them but they continued fighting... I am worried I will be all black and blue in a few weeks time with continued exposure to them.

i will be dong mostly gardening here anyway but might be taught to milk the big goat soon.

I think they might be getting bees soon too, I have this image of myself in a beekeeping suit tending to bees... I will probably end up with a suit full of them though, I am so awkward...

I am excited that they are getting a new puppy in a few weeks, I keep thinking about it, it sounds so cute.

We traveled through some pretty scenic areas on the way so I will post some photos soon. Very glad to not be wrestling mountains of luggage every day and being extremely irritable at the backpackers we stayed in.

-1. Why do things have to be so complicated? I don't think there's any way at the end for all parties to have at least a peaceful truce. All I wanted was to minimise drama and look where it got everyone. It's too late to talk things through now. Obsession isn't helping, it just makes things stickier .

I've stopped fighting (last night, actually), and as long as you don't try to convince him not to speak to me (he is my friend, and it would hurt to lose him) and as long as you don't hurt him, I'm not going to fight with you. Stop worrying.
I'm not entirely sure, though, how posting about how everyone was trying to steal him was "minimising drama". Surely you should be able to trust him not to respond to advances even if they are happening?

And they're not.

............

Last edited by blue_bean on 05 Apr 2010, 10:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

What you did was to dismiss all of what RainSong and I feel for him as just lust with the "if everyone wants" etc comment. That comment really hurt.



I'm not certain who you're talking about, as both of us have voiced our concerns based on your past posts in the forums. We've agreed, though, to back off for the sake of not hurting him, unless you hurt him again.