Rants

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its 9/11 today and the media is hammering us with a slew of reports on the event, peoples immediate deaths and the politicains responses to it. i think they focus too much on this. yes it was sad that people died but the effects of 9/11 were just as tragic as the event itself. politicians used it as an election ticket and a vindication for their invasion of another country for their own imperialistic purposes. it was not to stop terrorism, not for democracy(recreating the arab world in americas image) and it was not to help the people, especially the women. i doubt bush cared much about womens rights, especially since he did nothing to further them in his own jurisdiction. 10 years on the war is still going and the estimated number of iraqi deaths stands at 500000. almost instantly the governmnet took it upon itself to restrict our civil liberties. we traded freedom for safety. then there is the islamophobia that existed beforehand and just spread rapidly afterwards. random attacks on muslims or people who seemed arab or seemed muslim(sikhs) and mass racist demonstrations. here in australia there was pauline hanson and the cronulla riots and you have people who are anti veil and will attack a womans freedom to wear it- reverend fred nile for instance who also heads a political party. i was almost 10 when it happened and since then i have watched people become more racist and more wary of poeple who are arab and muslim. i am arab and since 9/11 there has just been this massive disconnect between the arab community, muslim or not, and the rest of society because of this racism. all our actions are seen as an attack on the australian way. we are aliens on this foreign shore not because we want to be but because we are made to be. i was listening to a woman who works at my uni recalling the day after 9/11. not one woman was to be seen wearing a hijab on campus. they knew what was going to happen. 9/11 was more than planes hitting buildings. im sorry if you read that. it was a bit long. this was more of a sad rant.

(semi serious rant)

Random online "Alphas" superpower test result;
Hyperkinetics tend to have a deep mistrust in authority and typically resist seeking help with emotional and physiological problems. Hyperkinetics create troubling situations for themselves by not accepting assistance when needed.

damn you internet being stupidly accurate. D:

I was almost coned tonight by my closest family members. This is how i live.

So much to learn.

I feel like I have so much I need to get off my chest and not feel judged. I have had a lot of things said about me and I feel it is haunting me and bringing me down. I want out of this. I want control over myself again. or atleast happiness.

msg in so much food and i get so sick from just eating dinner. I want to be able to eat food I want to eat and not get f------ mighraines.

Does the law mean anything to anyone anymore? I saw a girl I knew posting pictures of herself smoking for the first time on Facebook. There's a bunch of kids who failed last year's science classes, and they advanced to the science classes that I am in. Last time I checked, you stayed where you are at until you pass.

Rant over.

three month wait for a psychiatry appt. might as well study psychopharmacology on the internet and become my own doctor with all that time. I'm agitated and my medicine is making me that way, it needs to get fixed IMMEDIATELY.

well reduced to one month cause I called and asked if there was any other option. good thing I called but still. one month away is none too soon

Everything really f*****g sucks right now. Even when I'm "trying" it's still not enough and I'll never be like other people. Why do people feel the need to make fun of weaker individuals. What a pathetic way to build themselves up. Gee, you can pick on an autistic woman, what a big tuff guy. pfff. I would throw away my whole life right now. If I could start over on another continent and be someone else completely different. I hate this place. I hate being in my stupid body. I hate my suffocating mother. I hate the as*holes who call themselves my friends yet never care to take or return any of my calls. I want to disappear from here. I don't know what to do.

So if I tell my mom I have a potentially disabiling disease, she gets pissed off and goes and tells the world all the nasty details. Then she gossips about me to all her friends and family about how stupid I am.

If I hold off, she gets mad and calls me stupid for not telling her, then does the above.

I wonder what she'd say if I told her about all the voices I hear. She'd ground me for weeks.

God, I would kill to get effing wasted right now. Just toally drink my self sick, pass out, and stop thinking. I could do that easy with an ibprofen I'm so light weight. That'd be nice. Just stoned to death. Or literally to death.

I need to get outta here. I'm sick of hearing her voice, the real one, always talking about how disgusted she is with me.

Good thing I can't find the sleeping pills.

Why can't I be back to myself again, when I could pick up on patterns and doing things orderly. I can never tell if someone is joking or not I felt like I said something smart in lab and just got a stair, then saw two people talking and it seemed like it was about me.whhhyyyyyy. Possible for me to become smarter in 3 days? I hope. Would be nice.

So, I've come to the conclusion that I have to die. Right now I have things to take care of, but when those things are done. I will go through with it.

Don't. Please don't. Nobody has to die, and neither do you.

My boyfriend's little sister is a b***h. Stubborn, rude, conventional to the extreme and childish beyond belief. To imagine she'll be my sister in law gives me the shivers. I wish somebody would put her in her place sometime and slap her. Normally, I don't support physical violence, but the way she sticks her fingers in her ears and shouts "LALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" and insults whoever presents a different opinion to hers makes my blood boil. If she rants to me one more time about how translating isn't a real job, I might lose my temper and go all Mr Hyde on her.

I've given myself about 2 months. I stopped taking my anti-depressant medicine and I figure if I try to do my very best at convincing myself into suicide it'll be easier. It's a bit scary but in my opinion that's a logical decision. I've come to the conclusion that if I wait longer I'll hurt people around me even more.

Need to pick up my pace. Too much I need to do.

I've done the "I'm too scared to do that" behavior, again. For like the millionth time. And missed out on something that might've helped. Or, not. Don't know. Can't know now, because I didn't attend.