scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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1
I feel like a ret*d.

(((((((Jawbrodt))))))) I am glad you are feeling better, your post worried me. And others who are feeling down... i hope you all feel better too.

As for me, 0. The number of meh. i just look at my life and it is nothing like i wanted or tried to create. It is almost like God has gone on vacation and left a 4 year old child in charge of my destiny, and the child has just made a huge, random mess of it.

+1 I was obsessing over some big, frumpy woman that Teresa pointed out, at the food fair, at my local food fair. That woman was twice my size. The b---h had the nerve to ask, "You're not going to get that big, are you?" I've started obsessing out loud, that I'd sooner look like Ray Davies, than that broad, frumpy pig, as I was making a big breakfast, and eating it. Obsessing about how great the Canada Food Guide is, and how I'll go from a size 46, to a size 34, in no time. How I will be so skinny, compared to Sid from Flushed Away. I thought that I was coughing up phlegm. I was actually going to lose my breakfast. I'm not thinking like that, again.

5. In a neutral mood.

- 9

- 5

3. Which is pretty much my baseline to be honest. Tommorow should be better though, maybe a high 7. (Done with everything save a few Lab reports, which I'm actually looking forward to writing, and I've yet to dig into FFXIII).

Hereditary dysthmia is the suck.

No one is really reading this, kinda weird this is, like talking to myself in public as a means of communicating.

-5. I am anxious and tired and have lack of concentration and don't know what to do now. I mean nothing's wrong, I got too emotional I guess and confused. Ummm...

4- since I'm feeling unhappy but, that is not pertinent at this time...

5. Happy because random people have been looking at my photos on flickr. One of them had 10 views...

I have finished weeding for the day, and now i have no idea what to do wth myself.

0 I actually can't describe anything. I can't say if I am depressed or happy or even in between. I feel.....nothingness. I do laugh uncontrollably but its not real laughter sometimes I laugh at absolutely nothing. I do feel scared, I guess that is an emotion. People want to kill me right now. They are flying helicopters that cloak, its hard to explain this. If people look into my eyes they can read my mind and hear my thoughts. The lights have mind reading devices and cameras. Its a scary world out there. My computer is neat though. I am having an autism event soon but since I am having a 5 minute speech (I have done many speeches before) this time when I speak they will look into me. Its dark in my room for a reason. It takes awhile to figure out what to say, but other times I speak incredibly fast and my psychologist mentioned that last time. I want to live but I can't say anything. I am far away. Something funny happened where I live. A cow was stolen. I know its not really "funny" but only out here in Cow Town can a cow be stolen! Talk about anti-technology! One of my sayings is "Can't think cows will eat me!" My brother likes being annoying. He deliberately tries to look deeply into my eyes and he knows that bothers me right now. In the past I looked and made eye contact. Concentrating is difficult right now.

Words left unsaid, and the other half needs to be out there.

blue_bean,

Know that none of it was your fault, and the things you said given the context, were the right things as far as I'm concerned; you cared, loved, and showed the pain you felt with rightful words. Others said different, and that's their choice, but they weren't mine. Know that...no one could ask for a better friend and "GF" than what you were.

You have vanished from here, and if you never see this, I hope you feel it sometime.

No drama rekindled, just the fairness that one deserves.

5... neither good nor bad, just in the middle..

5. I have found a website with a great focus on my interests, I have been spending a lot of time there... I just have to make sure I dont get too obsessive and spend too much time.

hmmm 3ish, no particular reason, status quo sustaining not much achanging . I have a lo-cal energy drink in the wings and I'm getting ready to sleep, then I"ll be gone from wp for a good while.

I've been biking but not running the past few weeks, I need to get back on it before I start to gain back weight.

You know you have problems when you're posting with people from every time zone here every day.

I have learned something valuable here though, its not the substance of the things I say but the way I say them that makes them hard to respond to. Which is a sort of relief, that's fixable.

It might even be a dialect thing.

Or maybe its the avatar thing. Although I'm closing in on a good choice. My first one was pretty bad.

3+

5.9 as, it was staff appreciation day at my workplace..