scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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-10.


I can't pass a single test to save my life.

7ish. While the world is not completely right yet, it's looking a lot better.

-8. I need to punish myself and my body again. I don’t deserve to eat food anymore.

-10.
I want to shut my brain down. Even with trying not to, I managed to hurt the person who I care most about enough to drive him away. I should be locked away from everyone so that I can never hurt people again.
(No way of knowing if he's even alive... this is the worst thing that could possibly happen.)

Postscript to the person who I hope to God is reading this:
If you're feeling bad because you think you've hurt me, no. That's not it. In all the time I've known you, even in situations that have caused me pain, your words have never caused that pain; they've always alleviated it. I'm feeling this way because you are hurting and I couldn't do anything to stop it.

Blue_bean, nice avatar.

-10

Now for why I am in a very scensitive mood, and can't take hardly so much as a poke right now! I went to the workforce place on Tuesday, and filled out forms for a group that was "hireing" 20 possitions for school lunch ladies. The women said over five times "Be at our office location at 4:30 on thursday for orientation, every one. 4:30, at the place on this map. Get new directions if that helps, ok?" I had forgotten to bring my social security card (thank god), so I asked her, face to face, if I needed to bring it back that Tuesday. I was confused about the 9:30 vrs. the 4:30 thing so I asked. She told me this "It's fine. Just bring it with you on Thursday, at 4:30."

She said prior to this 4:30 thing "You will have to come to our office at 9:30 am. to pick up pay checks." Oh this looked like a possible job. Temporary, but something! The entire room heard her, and so did I! I traveled all the way across Houston, got lost for an hour trying to find the street and building. The gas station man was no help in the slightest, because he didn't give me directions at all. he just said "Just go to (the street name) up there." over and over like I was some kind of idiot. I said "I have been up and down that street. It goes from 5400 right to 7000. I can't find them." Told him this again, and again. He doesn't listen!



I was then really mad, and accidently tore the map a little. Tried again, and found the building. Here's where it gets REAL GOOD! The food servers building. Aha! I was sure it was the right one this time! Yes. I told a girl at the window I was here for an orientation, but was early. "I don't know who you mean."
Me: "I mean the schools group. They were having an orientation at 4:30."
Her: "Well.... I don't..... know. I will have to look a while to find anything."
Me remembering the papers in my car. The map, and one of the signing sheet copies, was in my car, and I went and got them, along with my phone.
"Here. This is all I have."
Her: "Oh I see. Uhm. she will help you."
Oh sure. She talked to me with extra pausing. Was that pause so I can grasp something? The girl next to her had this certain restrained GRIN that I usualy see on someone whoes about to have a chuckle! I thought "Oh you have to be kidding me!" She pulled out this sheet, with my name on it. She told me "You.. uhm.. were supposed to be here at 9 this morning. You will have to call (a certain group they know) to let them know you couldn't make it."

So there I was... feeling utterly lied to, and very humiliated! Thank goodness I went as early as I did. I still am very angry. I just felt like this situation made a mockery out of my financial short commings. What about that women with no car who would have taken hour uppon hour to get across this city? Heck, I was also fortunate to not be a single mom who had to pick up her kids around the same hour, given that it was the hour to get out of school for the day. If I had had a job, and took a sick day for this?

I drove back home, and no surprise, couldn't contact the person who was in charge of the "orientation". She was supposedly interviewing someone. I told my mother everything, and she told me "These people are sloppy. Crumble that buisiness card up, and don't bother with them."

Private blah.

Private blah.

Private blah.

Private blah.

Private blah.

edited to protect privacy, and I am sorry for causing pain.