Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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Dear Fnord,

I'm glad that you're not mean to people in real life, no matter how much you think they deserve it. They had their chances, they made their choices, and no amount of rubbing their faces in their own dirt will ever change the past. I know it feels good to secretly gloat when a once-pretty girl who once spurned you turns into a fat old hag; when a former friend who betrayed you dies a lonely death in some back alley or flop-house room; and when all those people who once excluded you from the "in" crowd are now standing in unemployment lines, hoping to get enough money to hold off foreclosure on their homes just one more month.

But you can't gloat forever. Remember your heart, all the medications you have to take for it, and the fact that you're just a single cardiac arrest away from desperate straits yourself. The years have not been kind to you, either. And even though you don't have "so far to fall" in the looks department, nobody likes looking at a corpse, either.

Take care of yourself, buddy. You owe me!

Sincerely,

Fnord

Dear Ellen,

You better believe what's been said to you about me because that way you do not have to think yourself. You said you saw me, 'I see you', but I never encountered someone so blind as you. Now, you better move out of here 'cos it could be the next time we meet I kick the last light out of your eyes. I'm warning you, you unfaithful one, I barely can control myself. You better believe what's been said to you about me, you stupid schizophrenic hooker, you're not a dollar worth. I feel sick thinking about what we've done, about the feelings I once had for you. They turned a full 180 and I never felt so much hatred for people I felt for you and Raymond. Still do. So.... Better save your skin, you backstabbers, and move out because I will always remember and maybe take justice into my own hands. Some day, some day....

Argh,

Erminea

Dear Me,

Please remember to go to the Learning Center
before Writing 122 today.

Me

Dear Random people who drive,

Will you please continue driving whenever
you see me? I don't need help.
I am just waiting for the bus.

One more thing: The bus sign is next to me, not six feet away!

Random Guy

Dear XXX,

I wish you had be able to meet me,that the idiot who married you cared more for what you wanted than about
"corrupting his sons" -it didn't change who you are.

Mr.XXXXX you stole the right of my brothers to know me because YOU were scared

XXX,I am SO sorry the guys called at the wrong time for you=wish I had not attempted contact,
this firm was top flight,very careful,and still it caused havoc..hope you can forgive me,as I try to forgive myself.
You did nothing wrong for me to forgive and I will always love you.

Dear...

Death is the friend and Life is the enemy
The storm in the dream and
the tears on my cheek are tidied away
like clouds to a pure blue sky

Don't stand at my grave and cry
I am not there, I do not sleep
With out the ghost of a shadow;
Life means all that it ever meant

Gentle as autumn rain or
quiet birds circled in flight
I am the stars that shine at night
Whatever we were to each other
that we are still

Love is not changed by death
and nothing is lost

Dear
I see you are recently married (from your gloating facebook picture) Perhaps you have found that rare woman who enjoys your obssesive questioning, possiveness, homophobic and racist rants and likes having the veracity of everything she says questioned. I am amazed at your ability to actually turn up for the ceremony, as you had many such plans which you always failed to enact. I recall your desire to start a family...or perhaps despite telling me how much you wanted children, you actually meant with someone other than me. Or perhaps once I WAS pregnant, it all became too real?
Your son is now nine. He doesn't know what "daddy" means. I am glad he has autism, as how would I tell him you refuse to even send him a christmas card without having a DNA test completed? Which you also refuse to pay for? If this is grudgeholding for not wanting to take you back, perhaps when you recall when you worked as a mental health nurse and described the patients as "mongs" and "psychos", you may realise why I didn't hold any torch for you.
I assume you have no idea what it was like, alone in the maternity ward, no visitors, no cards, surrounded by happy couples, fearful you would turn up and start shouting again. I have no "newborn" photos, who was there to hold the camera?
Please do not ever come back. There is nothing more to say.

Dear nurse,

Some people are more anxious than others and need more time to stand up after a procedure. Stop rushing them.

Dear David,

Please Change. We are homeless, we are jobless, we have a 2 year old son and I've been with you this way for the past 5 years. I have shouldered the burden of supporting us right from the beginning and the weight of it all is like a ton of bricks sitting on top of a seed that will never be able to grow and flower.

I'm suffocating in this relationship. I am passionate about CHANGE. That was the spirit that our relationship was based on - that we wanted to be better people and not just for each other - we each wanted to improve ourselves and we were supposed to have gone on that journey together and been there for each other - instead you've done nothing for the past five years but slum it out with your friends and family every night - staying up until 5 in the morning EVERY SINGLE NIGHT that I've known you to wake up around 2 p.m EVERY SINGLE DAY THAT I'VE KNOWN YOU - You should feel grateful that I found a name for your sleeping disorder. Instead you try to hide from it - that's not the mark of someone who is on fire to start life a-new, to make a change for the better - where is the f*****g motivation in your soul to do anything other than whatever you feel like doing AT THE MOMENT.

I am not spending the rest of my life with someone who wants nothing but momentary creature comforts at the expense of having an actual life just because having an actual life means putting some f*****g effort into it and maybe taking care of business instead of turning a blind eye to anything called "responsibility" and just leave it up to me to figure it out because you'd rather be f*****g around with "the logo" for "the machine" on your laptop - spending money on starbucks and cigarettes when your own baby doesn't have any diapers.

You are a f*****g loser - and I hate to tell you that but it's the truth and it feels good to get it out of my system.

I am not a winner - I have autism, I am boring, all I ever did before I met you was sit around in my room wishing I wasn't the way I was. But I would NEVER have been irresponsible enough to bring a child into this world and continue to put my needs ahead of that child's needs all in the name of being a "starving artist" and I would never sacrifice my own financial security by spending a fortune on dinner with friends just to impress them - none of them are impressed because you could hang with them for one night - they are appalled that you would throw your budget down the gutter just to "impress" them and put the roof over your head in jeopardy to "hang" with them - you are a laughingstock and NO ONE RESPECTS YOU because you act like you're still a teenager.

I don't want to spend the money from MY TAX RETURN BECAUSE I f*****g BOTHER TO FILE EVERY YEAR on you and your stupid "patent" for "the machine" which you've been telling me and everyone else that "it's done" since the day you started "working" on it. I made $800 in one month by working as a checkout girl at Walgreens - GO GET A f*****g GRUNT JOB AND PAY FOR IT YOURSELF - YOU MAY THINK THAT A BIG BRAIN MAKES YOU SPECIAL BUT IT'S ONLY SPECIAL IF YOU ARE WILLING TO GET A DEGREE - YET ANOTHER THING THAT DEMANDS WORK AND DISCIPLINE AND RESPONSIBILITY - AND YOU WEREN'T WILLING TO PUT THE WORK INTO IT SO GET A f*****g GRUNT JOB BECAUSE YOU CAN'T TELL ME YOU WERE TOO STUPID TO UNDERSTAND THAT THE ONLY ALTERNATIVE TO DROPPING OUT OF COLLEGE WAS THE LIFE WE HAVE NOW.

as*hole!! !! ! STOP ASKING ME TO MOLD MY PSYCHE AND MY LIFE AROUND YOUR DESTRUCTIVE, EXPENSIVE, NON-PRODUCTIVE SHIT-HABITS, CHANGE YOURSELF!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

HOW CAN YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND BE HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU SEE????? HOW CAN YOU CONTINUE TO ASK ME TO STAY AND PUT UP WITH YOU???? WHY CAN'T YOU JUST ******WANT***** TO CHANGE YOURSELF????? WHAT IS SO f*****g HARD ABOUT THAT???????????

YOU ARE A f*****g PLAGUE ON MY LIFE AND MIND AND HEART - YOU ARE A f*****g LEECH - YOU ARE A f*****g BABYFIED MALE WHO DOESN'T WANT TO GROW UP AND NEVER WILL GROW UP AND SHOW UP FOR LIFE OR FOR ME AS A LIFE PARTNER.

as*hole
Natalia


Dear God,

If you aren't going to f*****g destroy the world why don't you just f*****g kill me. I am of no use to my son unless someone helps me with getting back to school so I can get out of debt and make a decent living so I can get him a decent house.

the least you could do is get David out of my life and out of my face PLEASE at least do that. He's made me feel like I never want to have sex or fall in love or be close to anyone for the rest of my life. Being with him feels like my soul is dying and all the passion I have to live and make something of myself and do something for the world is dyinig underneaththe pressure of having to be his mother and having to put up with him when he wakes up towards the END OF MY DAY and having to listen to him b***h at me for not doing anything I ought to be doing when all he ever f*****g does - like a little child - is whatever he f*****g feels like doing, with ABSOLUELY NO REGARD for me as a life partner.

Help get me rid of him - he can go back with his mother and live in the room he grew up in and rot to death there if he wants - but don't let me and my son die underneath his alcohol/cigarette addiction and delusions of grandeur - I never wanted granduer - I just wanted to live a good happy life...

Love,
Natalia.

Dear ___,
I apologize if I've ever come across as some creepy, obsessive stalker. I'm sure that posting on the same forum and occasionally commenting on your journal and MySpace page probably doesn't help your impression of me, but it's never been my intention to make you feel uncomfortable. I know that in the one email I sent, I said I didn't expect a reply, but that's not really true. The truth is, I just thought you seemed like an interesting, intelligent, beautiful person that I could be friends with and who could relate to me without judgment or condemnation, and I didn't really know how to tell you that more directly. I still kind of hope you'll want to talk to me one day, but I completely understand why you wouldn't.

Dear M. and J.

Thanks for employing me for the project of the college. I seriously plan on trying but I am afraid to disappoint you. I can not promise you to succeed, only to try. and thanks for suffering bravely through Mr G.'s "English"

Your Q.M.

Dear F.........

I know, I had said goodbye, but you could not hear my words.
To myself I said I would try, but my heart cannot be convinced.

Over the past few days I have been pondering about many things, one of those being you. I see your face in others, but these others are not you. I thought I could go on without a soul as a companion. Just my shadow and my broken heart, wandering through life, stumbling and getting back up again. I was right.

I don't deserve a soul like you by my side. You are far too precious. I need myself, for I am the only one, who realizes the tears in my soul. You are beautiful as you are, and I can only bring darkness to your light. I wish, I had never seen someone as pretty as you. It's only my loss being me. You gain from being you.

<Me>

Mother,
For God's sake, I had every intention of doing my dishes from breakfast. Just because I walked away and left them for FIVE DAMN MINUTES, that is no reason for you to do them while slamming cupboard doors and generally having a tantrum. You and Dad are ridiculous with the dishes: the world will not end if they are left in the sink for a few minutes!!

- Rachel

Dear Me

You never, ever learn do you? It's so frustrating when you go into this shell. You make me so angry the way you give up, the way you cave in. Why do I always forgive you, when you purposefully fall down? Do you want to fail, and be miserable?

Let's hope tomorrow will be a better day. I don't blame you for being sad, yet again. I know this is not the way you want it. If only you could control every aspect of your life, you could perhaps feel free. Just don't give in so easily....

Fight, don't let this life get the better of you.

<Me>

Dear Sally,

Why the f**k do you treat everybody in the dorm like small children? You seem to be under the impression that without your help, we wouldn't be able to wipe our own asses without you guiding them. I never thought it was possible to be condescended to by someone your own age or younger, but you just disproved that. I can totally see you as growing up to be "That Person." You know, the person that shows up to work on Casual Fridays wearing the company T-shirt, sucks up to all of the bosses to get ahead, constantly holds meetings on such pressing issues as whether or not you can change the wallpaper on the company computers, but will bake cookies just to reassure your co-workers that you aren't an uptight ass-kisser.

P. S. You have immature taste in films and act like a forty-year old soccer mom.

To my father, and to everyone who's ever used the phrase "I wish I had your intelligence/talent" to imply that I am being lazy and squandering my intelligence/talent,
Ok, fine. You can have it. However, along with the parts of my brain that work well, you get the rest of my brain.
You get to have no clue how to deal with people (apart from lecturing them about your interests); so much so that 5-year-olds are better socially than you. You are capable of learning things socially, but you can't generalise between situations, so every possible rule has to be memorised consciously.
As an adult, your organisational skills are worse than a normal 10-year-old's.
You spend your life perpetually trapped in the wasteland between thought and action, so that if you achieve just one useful thing in a day, it's something to be proud of.
When you leave the house, you're almost guaranteed to be in pain, because everything is too loud, people move everywhere and get in your way, and your clothes irritate your skin.
You get to constantly push yourself to the point of exhaustion, only to have people tell you that you're lazy.
You get to have people telling you that you're just so smart and so talented that it is not possible that there is anything wrong with your brain; that your only problem is a lack of confidence. This despite the fact that you clearly acknowledge your ability in the things that you are good at.
Oh, and best of all, you have enough insight into your problems to know how to solve them, but your frontal lobes don't function well enough to be able to implement said solutions.

Enjoy.

- Rachel -

Dear welfare people (a.k.a. spineless backstabbers),

You have breached confidentiality, you will not reply to my emails, you are not providing an explanation as to why you corresponded with someone on my behalf without permission, and you won't tell me what occurred. Therefore we have no further business. It's not even worth sending this letter to you, because you refuse to listen.

By the way, I will not waste my money on unproven supplements, and no I will not see a chiropractor. Also, please grow a backbone; you need it if your job involves advocating for others.