Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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Dear welfare people (a.k.a. bullies of the disabled),

I beg you, do not bother continuing your career as advocates for those with AS. You are making a bad situation much worse and seem to have no idea what the f*ck you are doing. It is unacceptable that you dismiss my advocate with that attitude. You know all the details of what has happened in the last year; you know all the health issues and trauma it caused. You are unprofessional and have caused much damage in the last week. It is not for you to say who I choose as my advocate, and it is not your life. I will have nothing more to do with you, so don't expect a response. You are not worth it.

P.S. If you think I am alone, you are mistaken

Dear Outlier,

Strange but what you write makes perfect sense to me. And I'm sorry you have to put up with this, with their incompetence. Because that's what it is, imo. Sorry, it still goes on. People just don't understand that this way of acting is very rude and confusing for someone on high end of the spectrum. Maybe for them it's business as usual. They don't see.... that it is perceived as behind the back going and dishonest. Maybe they just don't give a toss. In a way I'm in the same boat (Dutch expression, also English?) here and I did try telling them and demanded that things must go above the table but still.... ~?~, still.... Ok, to be honest it changed a little bit for the better but still not the clearness and frankness I wish for. Your situation isn't the same as mine, it can't be but I hope it works out for the best for you. I hope so.

All the best to you,
Erminea

Dear granny,

I wish you were still here. It hasn't been the same without you and I don't imagine it ever will be. You were always there when I needed someone to talk to and you were more like a friend than a grandmother. I still can't believe this happened and everywhere I go, I think about you everday. Even in stores, I look at objects that automatically remind me of you. Memories pop out of nowhere and I still hear you voice. This has been very painful for me.

What hurts most is when you wanted to see me and I didn't visit before that day. I can't believe what a selfish person I am. But it was hard to be around you, you were not in your right mind and you had been drinking. Sometimes I'm so mad at you for letting yourself go like you did. If you hadn't been so stubborn and took care of yourself none of this would've happened. But I realize you were not there and your diabetes was getting worse. I keep playing the games of what ifs because it seems you went so soon and suddenly without warning.

You were one tough broad who had been through a lot. It must've been rough to have to deal with your diabetes every single day and time. I remember you constantly having to give yourself shots. You were also talented at your work. I sometimes envy what a great painter you were and the opportunities you had. I even look at all the stuff you had collected over the years and realize for the first time what great taste you had. You made everything look so beautiful. Wherever I look, it's you. You created all those beautiful flower beds, collected beautifu rocks, decorated everything in your house. Practically all of it was your doing.

It has been hard these past months. I have been having many dreams about you lately. You're alive in most of them and then I wake up just to realize you're gone. This is so upsetting to me and mom. Nothing will ever be the same without you and since you left, I have taken death more serious. I will never understand it or why it should be the way it is. It's made me want faith in something that is intangible. It's the only way I feel like I can cope even though I don't believe in any of that stuff. I feel lost right now as to what my purpose for living is except to survive. It gives me a chilling feeling to think that we are so fragile and do not live for very long. I wish I knew...then again maybe it's best not to know but it still hurts. Goodbye...I don't know if we'll ever meet again.

Your grandaughter,
Alice

Dearest Past:

Leave me be.

Dear Present Self:

The past will not leave. Find a way to deal with it.

Dear Future:

Let it be there...

Dear ...
I guess you think I prefer to be alone, from the scarcity of my interactions with you that were spaced out over 8 months. I wish you knew the truth about me. I always hide the quirky and odd things about my personality for fear of being rejected. Withdrawing into myself... Evasively avoiding your eyes. That was a huge mistake. I have come to realize we share a lot of the same traits. But now it's too late, you're with her and I'm left in the dark wondering what went wrong. You never called, now I know why. She is gorgeous and seems to be superior in every way to me... But she's so much like me, we might as well be the same person. And we're becoming great friends.. I wonder what you would think of that. Still... I'm wondering, 'what if'. And pondering so many other unanswered questions. It matters not. I guess gentlemen really do prefer blondes. In any case, your face will always stick in my mind, you're so jawdroppingly beautiful. In addition, you teased me too much, and I will always recall the day that almost was. I was on tenterhooks for two weeks... And now you know.

Dear Someone/Anybody,

Please be my friend. It sucks d**k being alone at
community college without anyone to talk to.
I may seem like a total d**kwad to you,
but I will be a compassionate, caring friend,
even if I do not have much to say.

I will the you the truth about me and my family.
I will tell you how much my family loves to emotionally
and psychologically abuse me at any opportunity.
I will tell you everything.

The Person Who Wrote this Note

Dear ........

A Martian Replies:


I have the right not to be held responsible for the mistakes of others.
I have the right not to be blamed for the inappropriate behaviour of others.
I have the right to hold an opposing view to someone, without fear of attack of any form. I am not here to be a punch-bag, verbal or physical, for anyone.
Disagreement is part of life. I accept that.
I am not here to be a target for someone with anger management issues, displacement/projection issues, or a lack of ability to deal with the world in general.
I am different, not better or worse than anyone else.
I am not responsible for the unfair, unkind or downright malicious behaviour of others; they make their own choice to behave in that way.
The blame for bullying lies with the bully, not the target.
My lack of understanding of human motivations does not give others the right to target me.
I do not have to conform to the expectations of a domineering personality – everyone sees the world in a different way and has to interpret the rules for themselves.
If someone chooses to behave inappropriately towards me, I have the right to tell them that their actions will not be accepted.
Not knowing how to deal with such behaviour is not an invitation for it to continue.
I have the right to be accepted for who and what I am, flaws and all.
I take responsibility for my own actions and beliefs.

I sincerely hope that one day, someone will get through to you.

Girl from Mars

Dear Shawn Castle,

I apologize for all the times that I've hurt you, in Grade 1. We're both Sids, and if I knew that back than, I would have given you hugs, instead. I've also repented to the Lord about this last night, as well. I've asked for his forgiveness, and I also hope that you've forgiven me. I was a very nasty person back than, but I've changed a lot. I wish that I could see you now, and give you a big hug. :O)

Shelby (Sid) :O)

Dear _______

hope it isn't all just fool's gold,


from me.

Dear Teachers,

Please don't tell us to be responsible for our own actions, and then give the whole class detention because of what a few people did. It is just annoying.

- Fire

To my sister,

It's 02:26am, and i have been missing you so i thought i would write you a letter. my dog did a nice thing today he came up to me whilst i was upset and had comforted me. Maybe when you will be back and well enough we could spend some time together and go out somewhere maybe to the cinema, anything you want?

I do hope you will get better and that you will be in the best possible hands of care.

lots of love from your sister.

Dear M:

Hypocrisy isn't sexy. You're well adjusted my a**! Thanks for being just another "sister" who shows that the Lesbian sisterhood is a myth. To think, I called you to apologize for things I'm not even wrong about. Something that I almost never do. So what if you're a genius....you could have shown more understanding. What was two lousy weeks? I spend all the little money I have to try to start over. I can't afford to travel all over this nation chasing after lies. You wouldn't put on the street......well, whatever. I was having a crisis. I'm not evil or insane, as you suggested. And I'm sorry that you're dying. But facing death doesn't make you an angel suddenly. Besides it's not like you were on your deathbed while I was there. I can't believe I almost told you that I had feelings for you. Beauty really is on the inside, and you're lacking it. Thank goodness I kept my mouth shut about that, at least. Oh, and your little comment about cats-nice touch really. You probably don't even have allergies to them. I knew you hated them all along, and just didn't want to admit it. Thanks for hurting my feelings.
Even better, thanks for letting me see that even smart, weird, liberal lesbians can be cruel. If it doesn't kill you, it will make you stronger. So, thanks for the extra strength.

P.S. I'm way smarter than the food group you compared me to. And it was a stupid joke anyway. I'm gonna make it bigger and better than you ever will.

From:
-A better person than you are.

Dear Liz, or Erica, or Phantom Menace, Whoever you are today:

Thanks for Ruining my f-ing Adult life. You're not Pagan, even though you claim to be. But you are a vampire. A bloodsucking, backstabbing, crazy vampire. I don't even know who the hell you are. I think your name and social are real. But who knows. I wasted nearly Four Years of my life with you! You can't give me my life back. You're the biggest liar on the planet, you lie so much that I think you don't even know who you are. And you're stupid. And not that good looking. A lousy kisser. And for god's sake......you're anorexic, you don't have a heart defect....eat a f-ing cheeseburger. Oh wait, you do eat. It's just the drugs you've been doing behind my back. And sober for 4, 8, 12, 30 years........Liar. And by the way, celebrities that live in Europe, that you've never met......they are not your friends......and they are not picking you up, you were not going clubbing with an up and coming singer.....you can't keep your lies consistent. You never had an identical twin.
Oh, and your sister-the real one, she's crazy too. And I never liked her. And your niece looks just like you-is she really your niece? Why couldn't I meet your daughter? Or does she not exist either.
I don't think you're psychic either. You're not an artist as you claimed. That was the ugliest painting ever. Thanks so much for ripping up/ stealing months worth of my own artwork from me. -Screaming!! !! !!-
I didn't know that you and I were ex's for months before we actually split. And I do not like having racist people stay in my home, or weird, creepy men that I've never met before. Or people or was it you, who stole about 2 grand worth of my stuff from me, when I was slaving away in the bitter cold in the middle of F-ing Allentown, PA to make a better life for us. ARRRGH.
And I don't think you were grieving for your dead mother. Seemed a lot more like guilt to me over the years.
I saved myself for you. Makes me want to vomit. I didn't expect my first and so far only sexual experience/ relationship to be perfect......but now I have a permanently disfigured memory.
And the kicker......filing a false police report, and having me committed.
I should have left you when you choked me. I said I wouldn't be one of those weak battered women. But you never touched me again. Instead I just let you verbally browbeat me.
And learn how to spell. I really settled. I could have done so much better in every department than you. I thought I would never find someone to love me.
So, if one good thing comes from this, it's that, at least I know that I'm worth more than I thought I was.
Karma sucks for you, doesn't it?......the doctors in the psych ward said I wasn't crazy. But I had to stay there thanks to that homophobic cop. Damn you. Well, at least it was only two days, even though they said 24 hours.
But it was so sweet to find out that you went to jail for burglary. Too bad you got released.
And stop stalking me. Well, you can't now that I left the state. But my friends don't want you calling them either.
And you're the worst cook ever. You weren't even close to being a chef. Ha!
Enjoy your new screwed up relationship. Whenever that pathetic woman recovers from being brainwashed by you, she'll leave like I did.
And to lie to me and tell me my cat was dead. I hope Honey leaves you and finds another home.
You owe me a lot of money that I'll never get back. I should have taken the diamond ring back.
I wish I would have cheated on you, since you constantly falsely accused me of it. If I had all the women you think I did, I would've kicked you to the curb long ago.
I don't even think you're really blind either. Did you bribe that opthamologist? I worked as an optician, you know......you get along mighty well without your cane, that you almost never use.
I want to feel sorry for you. I do. I know you're screwed up. I'm screwed up. But I could never, ever be half as evil, so intently evil as you are. I hate you. There, I've said it. I hate you. I hate what you did to me.
Stop texting me with fake messages that you're dying from this problem or that too. I haven't answered you in months. Get the hint. Have your crazy ex-lover/best friend/ current lover/ other woman, whoever to text me when you really do die, so that I can celebrate.

From,
-The Best thing that could have ever happened to you. But you threw me away. Who's sorry now?

Dear Honey,

I will always be here for you and will do my best to understand. What I have for you is unconditional love and I wish sometimes you'd see yourself the way I see you. You are beautiful person. I love you.

Love,
Me

Dear _____,

I haven't heard from you in over two months. I am worried that I did or said something that made you not want to talk to or associate with me. If that's the case, please let me know. You haven't e-mailed me since January 2, and you blocked me from AIM (which you never really went on that much anyway), and never gave me an explanation. I like to hear things from people directly, not through their MySpace page. After all, you said you wanted people to be direct with you, but you won't be direct with others. As a result, I am having great difficulty trusting you. You need to stop having such double standards, and stop closing yourself off from people.

Sincerely,

Tim

Dear Mob of ...............

Well, it seems as if you have the knives out for me, yet again. I don't blame you. I am a lamb for the slaughter. But to be honest you don't hurt me as much these days as in the past. I can't change you, the mob, but I can change the way I react to your habits of self interest. My self interest lies in the ability to feel normal and happy. I possess no knives, even knives of revenge. For revenge is never sweet. It only shows you your own shortcomings, and although mines be many, one shortcoming I will not put up for show is my ignorance.

I hope I will face you again, this time better equipped to realise that only I, can allow you to harm me. Until then...

<Me>