Rants

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Have to wake up everyday repeating school stuff, its a hard task.

I forget stuff and I lose stuff, even though I myself decided to do things or put things certain places, then I get all freaked out about it. gah

Dear Mtn 13, Me, too..when I re-located something, it always seemed a better place to put it..at the time...Sylkat

im getting tired and frustrated of my "achievements" or lack there of. maybe an ultimatum should be in the books

I don't suppose it matters what i say, no one will read my posts.

I hate the way i doubt myself so much. Every 100% certain turns into a 10% once my brains had a chance to pick it apart. I'm not imagining it am i? That's my biggest fear right now. Coincidences? They have to be, it can't be happening can it? Only one person really knows everything. im still so in the dark, is this real ?

i don't know why im so impatient :/. I need to be told off . Anyone will do.

tried talking to this girl last night but failed. Guess she doesn't like the idea of someone have a plan vs her bf who looks like he hasn't showered in weeks, lost his razor, and wallet. I told her we'd meet again so maybe something will happen but probably not seems a bit awkward and I feel a bit douchey.

F*ck! The business plan that I've been working on for years, and I had essentially staked my future on seems to be crumbling before my eyes. I am a nervous wreck pacing around my apartment like a caged animal. All hope is not lost, but why did this have to happen just when the finish line was in sight? Has my luck finally run out after all these years? Can I pull off yet another miracle?

F*ck! F*ck! F*ck! ...

Friend of mine decides at the last minute that he can't go on a trip to Lousivlle. Said all this week he wants to go, it was largely his idea. Then today after we had booked the hotel room decides he can't afford the trip. I'm sick of this kid lying and bending things and throwing pity fits. He's learned that he can get what he wants by throwing a pity fit. Or he blames it on having a disability (he claims it's just add, but it's 99% certain between all of our friends he has Asperger's). He's learned because his mom died and he has a disability that he can get what he wants by doing this. The kid is 21 years old but acts like he's 13, doesn't use his brain. We even sometimes wonder if this kid has a brain.

Oh my gosh, I'm tempted to type everything in CAPS to show how much you've annoyed me. If only one or two of you are arrogant, I count myself unfortunate, but I dare say that you all are so arrogant that you deserve every swear word that I can think of. Yeah, I know people who call you arrogant until they join you and become arrogant themselves. Huh, you are only nice towards your own kind. Of course, you can be quite nice towards those who fawn upon you too. Stop whining, stop thinking that you deserve all the good things in this world, maybe you need some knocks here and there before you realize that the world doesn't owe you anything. ______ made a mistake, you whined whined whined, you even alerted the press so that journalists could participate in your whine-fest too. You are so arrogant yet so desperate for others' approval. Others praise you, you so overjoyed that you boasted about it for days, sometimes you said with fake humility, "Aiyah, they didn't praise us enough, they still like _______ more." Recently, others no longer lavished that much praise on you. Oh my gosh, how you whined!! ! You whined that they must have made a mistake, you whined that they must have erred in their judgement, then you got happy again when some others praised you. Stop thinking that older people like you are always wiser. Stop babbling about prestige prestige prestige. No wonder they made you go solict for donations from sunrise to sunset. You need to solict for donations more often so that you'll learn humility.

When will this end.

my personal life is shite. i am never happy when i am at home. no matter how good my day is outside it or how jubilant i am i always have to come back here. to my family. there is nothing for me here. my dad and sister blame me for everything. if the dishes are not done it's my fault, if the sink is dirty its my fault even though i never use that sink, if i get into a fight with my sister it's my fault because she acts like a perennial b!tch towards me because i am not affectionate with her apparently. when she calls me an anorexic freak or a ret*d or tells me i am like i am because of asparagus disease or when she looks at me and makes some distasteful comment about the scratches on my face its because i am not affectionate with her. my father does the same. he criticises me for never saying anything nice to her but i have never heard anything nice from him ever. whenever he sees me its look at what you've done to your face, your hair is ugly, you dont spend time with us anymore- its always study. i feel more affection from and for the strangers i met half a year ago that i spend most of my time with than them.

Blah. No energy to rant...

I wish I didn't have to repel so many people by speaking my mind and being completely open about my ideas and beliefs. I also wish language didn't place such a huge constraint on my ability to fully express what's in my head. Misinterpretations can have truly horrible consequences sometimes.

But I want to be real, because being otherwise feels like a lie. I guess it's hard to be real in a world where everybody at least partially suppresses their true self, their darkest and most controversial/most irrational beliefs. So I'll just have to grin and bear it.

A dumb North Carolina state law Oral sex is considered a crime against nature.

I do not apologize for having received oral sex