Depression

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Thank your care opal and Saja that answer your questions

many join a monastic life and live alone in the company of others that also live alone in there god or science or study. Joy can be found in many earthly things and of course, learning of spiritual gifts. Having salvation ends when you chose when to enter into salvation, you know.

I have also suffered from depression for many years. I take a very aggressive holistic approach to improving not only my mood, but my overall physical health. Body and mind are connected. Here are some things that have worked for me:

1. Tried celexa, which worked somewhat, but I still had symptoms, so I tried cymbalta. Cymbalta works the best for me.

2. I visit the doctor regularly to take care of any other health issues I have: thyroid, sleep disorder. It's very hard to treat depression if you have other health issues.

3. Find out what KIND of depression you have. I happen to have A-typical depression, which is more common in women than in men. Finding this out helped me to find the correct meds to treat it.

4. Keep a regular schedule.

5. Eat a healthy diet and keep a healthy weight.

6. Make sure you sleep enough--at least 8 hours per day. Some people need more.

7. Exercise. Exercise releases endorfins that make you feel better and also improves overall health.

8. I use a sunrise clock to help me get to sleep at night, and to wake up slowly and naturally in the morning. link: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_hg?ur ... ck&x=0&y=0

9. I also use a full spectrum lamp for light therapy.

10. I talk to others who have depression. We help each other out.

11. I eliminated the main things that give me stress and anxiety during the day.

12. I make sure to make time for myself and the things I have always liked to do.

13. I have not found psychologists to be helpful. It's like you said: they listen to you talk and don't really give any sort of concrete helpful advice. I get better help from my friends.

14. My best friend also has Aspergers and suffered a severe depressive episode that she could not get out of. She went to a large hospital that specialized in the care she needed and got what used to be called electro-shock therapy. It helped her greatly. She was at the point of thinking of suicide. I have never been that bad with my depression. The things I do to help myself would not have helped her. The care and treatment she received at the mental hospital saved her life.

In putting the effort in to help Mosto, you have inadvertently helped me in ways you cannot imagine, Saja. thank you.
I am at an all time low at present, and it it precisely because i need to reframe some expectations of myself in relation to my ASD and my limitations. thank you.

to Mosto - i have also been there many times. I have been hospitalised for depression and struggle with it terribly at times.
i hope you can find some peace.

[oops, double post]

Last edited by Saja on 05 Jun 2009, 12:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

Millie, thank you so much for your response. I'm really glad you can relate, both for me and for you . I've spent my whole life thinking there was something wrong with me in the sense that I was "weak" for being depressed and I just needed to pull myself together. It's really good to be here and find others like me, who go through depression for the same reasons--not weakness, but hardwired inability to deal with (an abundance of) certain stimuli.

Mosto - to answer your questions. It is indeed normal to want a family, but that doesn't mean it's always the right choice for someone. We are biologically wired to desire offspring and to enjoy the activity that makes them, but we are much more than just DNA-perpetuating receptacles. There may be other things we want to do with our lives that are more fulfilling to us. I actually envy you in this matter, because you know about your AS and are in a position to consciously choose to pursue having a family. I didn't know any better, and did what my biology nudged me to do, and what everyone around me does. I love my family very much, but I really regret not having been able to make that choice aware of what I was really choosing.

You see your lack of a wife and family as a failure, but it really isn't a reflection on your worth as a human being. This is (among other things) what you need to realize. Frankly, I'd bet most relationships are kind of crappy, and I can definitely tell you that most parents of small children, NT, AS, or anything else, go through many moments where they wonder why they did it. It looks nice in a painting, but in reality, it's hard work and not always all that fun and rewarding. If you and your spouse don't get along well, or worse, it can be hell. And even if you do, it takes a lot of effort and compromise to make something as complex as marriage and parenthood work. So the picture you have of finally being a complete, worthy human being if you can just find a wife and start a family is a false picture. It won't be as idyllic as your imagination paints it, first of all, but most importantly, it won't change your opinion of yourself. That is such a nasty kicker, but it's true.

I get out of bed because I have hope for the future. Hope that I will find ways to accomodate my AS within my family life so I can be a better mother. Underneath all my feelings of failure and "why bother" and overwhelming futility, I have a fundamental faith that I'm a good person, and that better times are on the horizon. I don't always see it, but when push comes to shove, when I accidentally swallow that sleeping pill and panic, it becomes clear. Clear enough to pull me through that trench and get me to try to change the things I'm unhappy with.

I don't believe in a better afterlife. Maybe it exists, maybe it doesn't, but I find it hard to believe that it will be smoother sailing there if I just give up here. Because, as the saying goes: wherever you go, there you are. Warts and all.

mosto, you said you have only used 2 of the 6 appointments so give them a chance. As you probably know depression isn't something that will quickly go away. Counselling is useful, at least it has been for me. Find a counsellor who knows about ASD's. You will always have AS-related problems so with talking to a counsellor you can find solutions to these problems, or simply talk about them.
Medication isn't always going to work. Sometimes you have to try many different medications to find the right one that will help & sometimes you have to take more than one. I've read that better results come from treating depression with medication & therapy. Please though if you are suicidal don't post on the internet asking for help. Tell a doctor.

Actually, I think posting here (or wherever you feel you're taken seriously, and your audience can provide insight for you) is a good thing for Mosto to be doing. Seeing a doctor may also be good, but there's nothing inherently helpful about a doctor--they're only helpful if the conditions in the previous sentence are met. They're people, too, and they see things through their own filters, including the pretty powerful blinders of their own training and experience. You can get lucky and find one that is a good fit for what you need, but you can also find plenty that are biased, negative, condescending, or just plain illiterate in terms of your issues.

Saja you said some important things there. Mosto I can understand you feeling despondent about not having a relationship, but as saja said, it's not always beer and skittles.

I have a woman at work who often makes disparaging remarks about me , or to others when I am around, to the effect that I have time/ money to have holidays, pursue sport and hobbies etc, and I am not and should not be stressed about anything, because I do not have kids.

I find her comments very hurtful, because about the only thing she knows about me is that I don't have kids, and she has based a host of negative judgements around that fact. Then I think that she is insecure and narrow-minded to make those comments, and while she tries to take the high moral ground and look down on me because she is a parent (which basicly means she got two cells to join up) that she regrets her decision, because she spends much of her time whining about her kids or her husband's kid.

Her comments still hurt though. But sometimes we have to remember that other people's reactions (like that person giving you a dirty look) have less to do with us, and more to do with their insecurities and personality faults.

I hope I made some sense.

You are a good person and you put a lot more effort into yourself
I assume those are meds, I'll ask for Cymbalta
My GP is nice but he's had enough of me and he doesn't know much about Aspergers , and he disagreed with my old psych when he changed my meds, I have sleep andother issues but the main issue is the depression
In school I was diagnosed with bipolar, 1994, then Aspergers in 2003, then dysthymia last year, probably all three
That is a problem I sleep all day then when I wake up I am so angry when I try to go to bed I am very angry at God and I can't get to sleep so I get up and do nothing maybe watch TV and even if I'm tired I'm to angry to get up
I am a little bit overweight but not much you can't notice it, I don't do any exercise, always seems to be some excuse, some people say maybe I just don't want to get better
I was awake from 10am yesterday til 12 noon today then I woke up about 7pm and I have to be up for work tomorrow 9am so I will set the alarm but probably won't can work but I don't care they fire me I don't want to wake up
You're right I don't do any exercise I'm very angry sad but just excuses my fault
um what is that just a bright light, and why is it $166?
I don't what that is
Yes I do on this web site, in real life there are some people that say they have depression but they are the happiest people you'll ever meet
I don't know what gives me stress that's just the way I am
I like to play PS3 but I can't even motivate myself to do that
My friends don't do much better
I have heard of that it's very bad although I might as well try it, my GP wants me to try "low level laser therapy"


Do you believe if you kill your self you will go to hell automatically? My church says if you are a Christian and you kill your self you still go to heaven

Thank you millie

So what about everyone who had AS before it was discovered? Should they have thought, oh well I'm different, I won't have children. Yes church tells me other things are fulfilling don't know what
My opinion of myself I know that to have Aspergers is not my fault. So I don't hate myself. Yes I know parenting is difficult. My parents divorced when I was 6. They hate each others guts. They don't have Aspergers. Should that rule them out of having a family too. My worth as a human being is good. My life terrible but it's not my fault so if I marry or die tomorrow I have salvation regardless
But you have just tried to convince me that to desire a family is unrealistic. Why do you believe you have a better horizon despite children but I don't.
Well I do. I won't Bible bash you then, until you say otherwise

Yes I have an appointment 17 June.
What counsellor, my options are, the psych who diagnosed me ($150) or the new one, I don't know of any Counsellors that know about Aspergers. I used to ring Lifeline a lot, and the Salvation army suicide line, and they got sick of me, probly like you are getting sick of me now. This was before I was diagnosed though. I don't know of any counsellors that know about Aspergers, and the main problem is depression at the moment.
I have tried all different meds and I will continue to try new meds and treatments red tape allowing
When I attempted suicide in 2000, when I was discharged after six weeks in Cumberland they gave me a 1800 number to ring , which was the Western Area health service whenever I "had thoughts of harming my self" , and that was always, so I rang it almost every day, the nurses I thought they hated me but I didn't know I had Aspergers until 2003. Over the next few years I was readmitted as an outpatient and then dischrarged and then readmitted etc etc.

Yes until I annoy everyoneMy GP is nice but he's not familiar with Aspergers and even if he was I have a chip on my shoulder and refuse help


That woman shouldn't be talking to you like that. Do you want kids? Do you think you shouldn't have them because you have Aspergers?
Her husbands kid as in, not her kid? but that's none of my business.What person gave me a dirty look?

i'm over 40, dont have kids - never had a partner more than a month or 2 till i was 36 - and tried killin myself a time or 2 - and learnt a thing or 2 while i was at it... till i figured if i did, i'd just be stuck with all the same problems all over again - so that was no good as an answer...

Now i own a nice house in the country, sleep odd hours - work worldwide on the net from home - wear bare feet and have hairy legs - have a lovely partner - and get by reasonably comfortably.

I've a terrible aversion to the medical profession and wont go near them unless forced - and refuse to take any drugs I cant grow... So i've no good pointers for you there...

Just hang on for the rollercoaster ride - and dont jump off - it'll hurt and they'll stick ya back at the start for another go - the low spots suck - and the loops r scary - but maybe they're needed to pickup speed for the uphill and the view from the top of the next up bump

Oh - and do you have any pets? They're great for a dose of unconditional love or humour or cheek

No she shouldn't talk to me like that. I sometimes think I should take her down a peg, but I doubt if she is worth the effort.
I decided not to have kids because I am impatient, sensitive to noise, and do not feel I would do a good job. (There are enough bad parents around) I made that decision before I found out about Aspergers. I doubt she cares why.




Not her kid. Her stepkid. His 2nd marriage.



Sorry I thought you said in your 3rd or 4th post someone gave you a nasty look, but maybe you were using that as a hypothetical example. The point I was trying to make was that other sometimes people's negative behaviour is not because of you.

Well, if you want to beat depression, you're going to have to put some effort into figuring this out, and not just shrug your shoulders and say "that's just the way I am."


Having children is a choice. You can base your choice on lots of different things, but it helps to understand yourself. All I'm saying is, I wish I'd understood myself better before I made the choice. I could have either made a different choice, more in tune with myself, or set up things to better support my particular needs within the choice of having children. Which would have helped me to avoid depression when they were little.




Okay, I'm nearly done here, because what you're doing is petulant argument. From my point of view, it looks like you're deliberately trying not to understand what I'm actually saying.


Mosto, you're getting good advice from a lot of people here, so either USE IT for what it's worth for you, or say, thanks but that doesn't help, appreciate your time and effort. Either way, if you aren't willing to put in some effort to scrutinize WHY you feel the way you feel instead of just being pissed you feel that way, you aren't going to get anywhere.

Yes I know I will go away then

You don't have to go away. You sound just like my friend when she was in the worst of her depression. I understand about not feeling motivated to do anything to help yourself. I get like that when my depression is bad, too. The last thing one wants to do is anything that takes any effort. I, also, have lain in bed, skipped work, ate things that made me feel worse, kept irregular hours, let anger take over, etc. In fact, at the worst of my depression, anger was about the only thing I COULD feel. Thank goodness I haven't felt that way in a long, long time.

I can tell you, though, that it is really hard to treat depression if you have a sleep disorder. If I were in your place, I would give up on the general physician and see a neurologist and a psychiatrist. (My GP also never heard of Aspergers disorder and even asked me how to spell it. I hope he looked it up after my appointment.)

Life is good, but it is not easy. You can feel good again. You mention family problems. I had to tell my parents not to contact me again because I realized they were contributing to my ill health. It was one of the best things I did for myself.

Celexa and Cymbalta are meds---there are many for depression. Cymbalta helped take away the aches and pains that came with my depression. However, my son had a very bad reaction to it. He does better on Lexapro or Celexa. So every med isn't for every body. We are all different. But I can't beat depression w/out meds. It took me a long time to realize that.

The sunrise clock is an alarm clock with a globe that lights up very slowly in the morning, like the sun coming up, so that your body wakes up slowly and more naturally. I hate regular alarm clocks. That sudden noise in the morning scares the be-Jesus out of me. With this clock, I am nearly awake by the time the alarm goes off. It is a little beeping noise, not annoying or loud. You can also set the clock to sundown for when you go to bed. It helps reset your body clock---like the sun slowly going down before you sleep. And it has a white noise feature. I really love mine.

The full spectrum lamp is a light therapy lamp. I get Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) in the fall and winter. I sit by this lamp a couple of times every day for about 1/2 hour, and it really helps lift my mood.

I hope some of this info helps you. Keep going to the doc and insist that they help you get better and that they help you with all of your various ailments. It is a bummer to always feel crappy.

Mosto, I don't know if anyone's suggested this, but you could try this: Zyprexa. It's a neuroleptic, and works differently than Prozak or any other antidepressant.

As a last resort, I went on Zyprexa. The doctor only prescribed enough for over a week, but that finally helped lift me. My depression was like a virus that wouldn't go away, and the Zyprexa suddenly killed it.

Also, I like the holistic idea- when you know you're doing what you can to better yourself, it kinda boosts your mood.

Prayer helps me. It might help you, but if not, that's fine.