I'm having a hard time with life? ! !! pls help!

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((((nomad)))) <==(hugs for nomad)

Oh, nomad, it's ok to be scared. You're just a kid and you are in a pretty awful spot right now. Your parents are just not being there for you and seem to be putting their fear before yours. As their dependent child, they have no right to make your needs secondary to their worry about how they may appear to their relatives and neighbors! You mentioned that they threatened to put you in the hospital (I'm assuming they meant the psych ward). Well, can I tell you something I did once for a young lady about your age? Try to hear this with an open mind. It might help you make a decision that could get you safe:

I once helped a 15 year old runaway girl get away from her molesting stepfather and neglectful mother by driving her to the ER, where she told her story and was admitted to the psyche ward for 72-hour observation. It was the only way that I could find, as a non-relative, to help her. In the end, her father was charged with his crimes, her mother lost custody of her for being horrendously neglectful (she knew what the step-father was doing and didn't stop him!) and her paternal grandparents, who lived in another state, came and took her home with them. I received many letters from this young lady for many years afterwards telling me how the idea to go to the psych ward was the very best thing anyone ever did for her.

Now, I am in no way suggesting you try to get your parents in trouble. No. In your case, as far as I can tell, no law has been violated and the abuse you are experiencing, so far, doesn't sound like the kind of abuse that should cause parents to lose custody of their child. It sounds like your parents just need some help. So any attempt to exact revenge on them would make you even crueler than they are being. The reason I told you what happened to this young girl is that I'm not sure going to the hospital is a completely terrible idea. It is a safe place where your voice will be heard, if you take the help in a positive way. The staff there can intervene on your behalf and encourage your parents to look at their own issues. And then you will no longer be in the middle of their marital strife. Going to the psych ward to get support and assistance is not anything to be ashamed of either. Just a few years ago, I admitted myself to escape a battering boyfriend. The people there really helped me get safe... in so many ways. And at the opposite end of the spectrum, when I was just a few years older than you are now, my parents put me in a mental institution and then left the country, so I do know the awful situation a dependent child can find themselves in when selfish parents just use psych wards as a place to dump their responsibilities. So, if the plan to go is yours, then you effectively take some control of your well-being. And it could be very empowering if you make the choice to do it yourself. That way, it wouldn't be your parents weapon against you anymore and you'd have a chance to escape some of the hell you're in right now and get some help from non-emotionally involved adults who can compassionately confront your parents about their current treatment of you.

I'm rooting for you, nomad. And I hope this helped you see that you are not completely without choices. No matter what you choose to do, just be kind to yourself, ok?

Feyhera

Whoa, it's ok nomad. I can see your anxiety snowballing, but it's important to remember that you're 15 and you won't be left on your own to look after yourself yet. I'm in a similar position with life myself, but I'm out of home with supports in place and I'm not in danger of being homeless. You do have options.

First of all, continue taking your anti-depressants. And tell all of this original post to your psychiatrist and make sure s/he sees all this fear and you tell everything that's causing it. Print it out and hand it over if you have to.

This is important because there are many things your psychiatrist can possibly do to help you with this. I don't know but you could ask if -
* S/he could prescribe anti-anxiety medication as well as anti-depressants, and help you manage them.
*S/he could help you get an acceptable routine written down, and help you figure out how to introduce new things slowly to be less bored
*S/he can explain things to your parents when you are too upset or confused to, and they will listen to your doctor more.

Also ask psych about applying for youth allowance or disability, applying for housing or a supported group home, and getting you a case manager etc when you eventually leave home. I'm not sure about who's eligible for these things, but you will not be thrown on the street. I think your parents just push you because they can see you're stuck with life.

With your parents and divorce or whatever's happening, it's the grownup's problem not yours. You shouldn't have to worry about this. Ring your grandparents and let them know what's going on maybe (as well as your psych is s/he allows emergency calls), if you feel it's ok to do that.

With the daytime routine- try writing ideas out for what to do, and setting alarms to remind you when to shower etc. When you're bored everyday, try taking a short walk up to the shops and back while listening to music if you like it. This will take up time and help with a healthy weight.

It's a lot to take in, but these are the things I can think of to help you. I hope you feel reassured by knowing you aren't going to be just left.

Last edited by activebutodd on 11 Aug 2009, 9:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

Going to a hospital was an idea I had but,, as I said I've been there before and mine is worse then my home, I was treated like a dog there, my parents are being illogical and somewhat selfish but I love them, I don't know why but I do; I'm a junior so I have two years, I'm going to try to last, with therapy, but IDK a definet plan I need to think about things, I really am in shock right now, I really have no words to describe how I feel right now. Thank you for your kind and compassionet help it means the world to me.

Maybe my wall of text was too much.

Just remember your psychiatrist will help you out with a plan, and so will your grandparents. Just let them know all of it

Great advice there, activebutodd. And, hey, nomad, there are other hospitals. I think your best bet right now is to get an emergency appointment with your doctor. You really sound like you're having a ton of trouble managing your feelings right now. Please just try to consider letting someone in the real world make a difference for you. Being alone when you feel alone just makes things so much worse. This could start to get better instantly if you just pick up the phone, make the appointment and get there with your printed out original post. Why not try it? What do you have to lose?

It's going to be ok, nomad. And you don't have to do this alone, ok?

(((another hug for nomad)))

Thank you guys, I will definetly show this post to my phsyc tomorrow, I don't know to much about what I am eligable for, I know I can't work, drive or make any cash on my own and I have AS so there are somethings I'm elgible for I just need to find them I'll keep you guys up to date on my sit rep.

Thank you all again!!

Glad to hear that you're seeing your Dr. tomorrow. I think if you really reach out with how you're feeling, you'll get the help you deserve. I'll be checking back here to hear any news. Good luck and hang in there, nomad!

Feyhera

I dont know where you live but most countrys have help for disabled people. I know the UK has a program where they will help give you money to live on if you cannot work. Here is the link. http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/DisabledPeo ... G_10011925

And if You live in the usa they have SSI and disablity. You can claim off your parent earning record if you have not worked in your life. here is the link. http://www.socialsecurity.gov/applyford ... /child.htm

Many country's have this. Check your country and ask your therapist for help finding info.

They have these programs for people like you!
It helped me a lot. I cant work but it has given me income so I can heal , then someday I will be able to work .

I hope this helps you . Best of luck. BTW you sound like you might be getting some abuse from your parents. Verbal abuse is still abuse.

Check out this thread if you ever need to vent. http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt80990.html

hope your life gets better.

Thaks Just-me, i have heard a lot of reply from my parents about why there angry and why it's sometimes my fault suppositly, but i am wondering if they just can't handle me, if i am to much stress for them, i have a little sister to and i think the yelling is affecting her, she asked for earplugs yeaster day because we yell so much, and one thing i didnt want to happen is for her to be affected. My dad may think im not a man, but a man knows when it gone to far and if it means leaving my home for the sake o my own sister i will do that. Its about 7:45 AM here couldnt get much sleep last night, im going to see my doctor today so we will see what happens?

Thanks for all who replied and helped

My mother really hurt my feeling today, she expressed that she didnt want me to about anything at all that deals with my depression and anxiety feeling, we went to starbucks to get coffe and i couldnt help but talk about it and she got up and told my family we're leaving because I can keep my mouth shut. So i have desided, no longer will the air be purged of my voice ill go into sign language maybe but, im done try with them, i feel so alone it hurts, my father dosent think im a man, and my mother thinks im anoying; i dont even think crying could resemble what they have done to me today.

However i will continue to talk to you guys, you all are my freinds and im glad i got to meet you, alot of you truly are the wings beneith my wings.

It is not your fault. your family are the ones at fault . They are being very mean to you . I'm very sorry to hear the way they are treating you.

When your mom didn't want you discussing your problems in public it was because she was worried about what the people in the restaurant would think of her. she should have worried about what YOU thought and not what complete strangers thought.

You deserve to be treated better . Sadly your correct in thinking they will not change. Most people do not change and there is not much you can do to change them. that is a decision only they can make.

Hopefully you can get on dissablity and at the very leas that will make you worry less about your future.
Its a shame your not 18 yet because if you were you could move out . Your parents sound mean and it sounds like they are the reason your depressed.

Perhaps you could move in with a relative who is nicer?

I do not think your the one upsetting your little sister, i think its your parents who are doing that.


Either way don't blame yourself. Its a terrible thing when your family treats you badly. It can cause you to blame your self but just remember its not your fault. Your doing ok.

And remember its ok to cry . We wouldn't have tear glands if we weren't supposed to cry. Your strong person for being able to cry when people tell you not to. That's what makes a real man.

just keep going your gonna be ok.

Before I moved to Red Deer and was living in Vegreville, the employment centre in Vegreville PAID for me to go to drivers ed, and I got my license.They also helped me get into college.There are resources out there whether it is counsellors, social workers, employment/social offices, etc.You are a minor and thereby, there are plenty of options available for you in regards to getting help for your situation.If social services intervenes, your parents WILL have to change their ways OR ELSE...they will be getting the government on their case....at least thats the case here in Canada.

Remember that you and only you decide what you can do. If you decide you can have a job, you can do it, you just have to find one who fits you.
To be yourself is to not let peoples opinions change you.
To be a man is to accept whatever the future holds.
To be human is to break and then heal.
To be wise is to know yourself.


Nomadic, the Dragonfly.
Just keep flapping, and we'll keep blowing.

Stay strong little brother.

Okay, it seems like there's a lot of stress all round there. Do your grandparents know anything about what's going on with your family situation? Your parents may be angry, but you might want to ring them and ask if you can stay at their house for a while.

I have to agree with activebutodd, nomad. You need some meaningful outside intervention from at least one adult you can trust. Do you think your g-parents can help you somehow? Are you willing to call them and ask for help?

And, my word... I'm just aghast... at 15 years of age, no young guy should be pressured by their father to "be a man". That was totally unreasonable of him! If anything, it's your dad who may need to be a man and unselfishly and courageously get you to the right people and situations that can help you get through this really tough patch! That was just awful for him to say that to you while you're his dependent child and there you are alone and suffering. And your mom's reaction at starbucks... ?! Gosh, nomad, I am really sorry for what you're going through. It just plain sucks!

Please take some matters into your own hands. Have you seen your doctor yet? I feel that's really important for you right now. I think you really need someone to put a stop to the ongoing verbal, mental and emotional abuse you're enduring and your doctor is probably your best ally at this point. And have you considered finding another hospital to try and find refuge in? That, too, is a way for you to take some control of your well-being, get some distance and time away from your family situation and find some decent non-family members to help you work things out with your parents.

Please, nomad, try like h*ll to get something going that will get you out of this situation in a good and healthy way. You really do deserve better.

Worried for you,
Feyhera

Well, my grandparents are moving out to south carolina im in NC, in about a year or so, however my parents have said no to living with any one else, i will quote them " We are your parents we handle your problems, not your grandparents, you can hate us all you want, but until you turn 18 your stuck with us ", i think they refuse because of self righteousness, they feel there bad parents if i need someone else. It makes no sense to me, i try to keep my spirit up, but i find my self down more often, i worry how long my body will hold out with me severely depress like this, my uncle died of depression, and another cousin i think did too. I try to look at it from my parents side and see how they are trying to help me, but there really crushing me, however they wont relize this, i tried talking about this to my Pshyciatrist, but he really did nothing i showed him this topic plus a written letter of my feelings and he talked to my mother once and that was it nothing else, so much for support. meanwhile im running short of ideas, in recap my life is shattering like broken glass, my father wont listen, my mother is embarressed that i may need to go somewhere for sometime and wants to throw me into a hospital, and last im slowly losing energy and gaining wieght because of stress and no will. My tunnel has collapsed, you guys the rescue team are doing everything plus more to get me out, sadly it seems my parents are becoming the rocks that crushed my legs ( or will ), and the light is dimming slowly.

Thank you for all of your guys support, and just-me i think i might post on the forum you referred me to about the verbal abuse, thanks.