How to traumatize an 18-year-old

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I wish I were old enough to drink. Meh, who says I have to be. I've had liquor before. My mom dosen't care and gives me hard lemonade and wine coolers. I'm trying to find the best kind though, maybe at a college party where no one cares about my real age.

But good thing I've got my weed.

Ok Ms. Pickle, you're starting to venture into self-pity and "look at me!! I want attention!!" territory...

Look, the resolution to your problems is not going to come from incessantly posting on an Internet forum. Real life problems require real life solutions. The best all your Haven posting is doing is postponing the inevitable. We've given you suggestions on what to do, you don't like them and find any and all excuses to disregard them, DESPITE your admission that most of us do know what you're going through, know how you're feeling, and have some idea how to emerge from the funk. I asked on your "Always Wrong" thread to provide more concrete examples of how you are perceived as wrong, but yet you do not. That makes me think what's really going on is that you simply can't face your own shortcomings. Sorry, but it looks like you need to do some pride swallowing and some honest and serious self-analysis away from WP to figure some things out, and maybe by doing that you'll actually do some growing up that you admit you need to do anyway.

We can only help those who actually want help. Please do not expect us to do any work for you with the hope that you'll get out of doing any for yourself. Improving YOUR life is YOUR responsibility, not ours. It's time for you to grow up and take care of yourself, you're 18 and a legal adult now. No more words. More action!

I second Stinkypuppy's advice, the rest of us are starting to sound like broken records and so are you. I think you should compile the existing advice and work on implementing it

Well yeah, it took me years. Maybe a better short-term goal in your case is getting out of an environment where people are telling you you're "always wrong' (which is classic bullying behavior), and such stuff. They seem to have convinced you to hate yourself.

Maybe I need someone to beat the crap out of me. Someone who isn't a relative. Or maybe I should just check into a hospital, there's no chance of me figuring myself out today, tomorrow or next week. Let's just hope I will be more social, that will give me the necessary elements needed for self-awareness (which is what my sister told me).

Hello Fickle_Pickle,

What do you mean by "someone to beat the crap out of you"?
... As if you were a carpet which needs to get rid of the dirt and the dust and can't do it by itself?

And also, I don't get the "self-awareness" ?

This really sounds like a strong feeling of guilt. There are people who actually pay to get corporally punished because they want to make up for something they feel bad about. Short of being a mass murderer, or the dick who stole may laptop, nobody deserves to get the crap beat out of them.

Well, this is generally true but I don't think necessarily applies to Ms. Pickle's case. I haven't seen any indication from her about what she'd feel guilty about, but I could be wrong. She hasn't really said anything about what she thinks she is doing wrong, other than that she thinks she's too naive. When I ask for specifics about what she might be doing wrong, she dodges the question. I feel like if somebody actually felt guilty about something, he or she wouldn't dodge any opportunity to state why they feel guilty. People with serious self-esteem issues frequently are either very forthcoming about how bad they think they are, or are extremely defensive and think the problem is always in other people and not in themselves (i.e. denial). Fickle_Pickle doesn't really seem to fit either of these situations; she wants something bad to happen but is not forthcoming about how bad she thinks she is, and she gets frustrated with other people (e.g. her sister) but is not really all that defensive. I don't know... the guilt issue, to me anyway, doesn't seem to fit.

My brief summary of Fickle_Pickle's situation:
Her basic complaint is that she is "too" naive, leading to perceived interpersonal social problems. She believes (in my opinion quite correctly) that the school of hard knocks is the only way she can bust out of her naivete, as is evident whenever she repeatedly states that she "needs something to happen to her" and that she "needs someone to beat her up". However, she is not willing to go to the school of hard knocks... for an unknown reason. People on WP, including myself, have been suggesting ways to get some hard knocks, yet she continues to refuse, making up excuses and blaming low self-esteem. The million dollar question is: what is that unknown reason?? One answer I have brought up is fear, worrying that she'll make a mistake that she won't be able to overcome. If there's anything true about AS folks, it's that they don't like getting caught outside of their shell with no way of retreating back to the safe confines of that shell. This is why I suggested before about finding some kind of role model or guardian figure, so that she would have someone to turn to if she felt she needed it. The issue then becomes a question of how to find such a person, and unless that person is in the family, the only realistic way of finding that role model/guardian is to go out there and do something in real life and meet that person in for example a shared activity. But to go out and do something, and therefore experience some hard knocks, was the reason for requiring the role model/guardian in the first place. So she is then caught in a circle of sorts: she needs a role model to go out and do stuff, but she needs to go out and do stuff to get a role model. Ironic, isn't it? That's why I think she is passively hoping that a role model will fall in her lap, so that she can somehow get progress without facing the vicious circle.

Ms. Pickle... am I wrong? Please tell me what you think about this summary.

Well, I know that they will never fall into my lap, but I don't know where to look. Maybe when I'm forced into being in a social situation, like going to college will I ever start to know things.

Well... for starters, is there anything that you are particularly good at, or very interested in? Maybe something that you might be curious about? If so, what is it?

I was faced this question when I was younger (how can I find a way to identify), that's why I ended up in the army for 6 years, because I just didn't know how. What I learned is that people were having problems too, and if they didn't find something (even if they had to make it up), they'd get stuck doing what someone else wanted them to do.

I'd say most (anywhere from 60-90%) of these guys would retreat into videogames and drinking during their off time, then come the workday, they had to do what other people wanted them to do. For me, I just had no other option, I had to enjoy something productive, that's why I went to the gym or studied nursing. It gave me a better sense of self control. In the process, I learned how much you can respect a person with self control. Little things like that help me relate to other people.

MDD123,

Do you think those guys who retreated into video games and drinking were all AS folks, NT, or a mix? Just wondering if you had any insight as to whether a lack of discrete direction in life is manifested in different ways in AS vs. NT people?

I've had a fair number of fictional and real role models growing up, almost as long as I can remember, so I have never been in this position for very long periods of time. Home life was terrible, my AS dad was physically and emotionally abusive, but I had video games and TV and my siblings. Being a child of the '80s, I looked up to Indiana Jones, the Doctor (of Doctor Who fame), and MacGyver. Hey, I could've done a whole lot worse for role models, hehe... But the thing was, I couldn't ever have actively sought out a role model and have him/her stick. It's something that just happens. All I knew was that there was something about watching these people on the screen that I liked, but at the time I would never have been able to describe what it was. It just feels like something you run into randomly but you get hooked, like any other AS special interest I suppose. Because of how randomly it seems to happen, that's why I can't really describe well to Ms. Pickle how exactly to get a role model. It just sorta happens. You like what you like. But anyway, after time I'd forget about the role models, then several years would pass and I'd for whatever reason watch the shows/movies again and I'd pick up things about them that I didn't really notice before, a sign perhaps that I was maturing. Wash, rinse, repeat. A predilection towards helping people. A slightly-off or self-effacing sense of humor. Adventuresome. Heck, I just finished watching an episode of MacGyver on YouTube and never realized until now how much of a loner the guy is, even when he can be around all those people... it's fascinating.

Anyway, you seem to be able to relate to people by experiencing things for yourself, e.g. exhibiting self-control. I don't think this is a little thing at all. This is how I think AS folks learn the fundamental social things about people, by doing it themselves. I also relate to people this way, and the more varied the experience, the more likely I can match somebody's situation with something from my own experience.

Here's how to get the tramatizing you so desire:

Dress naked in the street, run into the grocery store, s*** on the meat wares in the meat section if there is something, kick of everything of the shelves, say random mental things, go over to the candy section and eat all you can, afterwards you could stick them in your *ss, and then put it in people's mouth, then you could go over to the counter, push the people of there and take the seat, saying; "How can i help you?" to the customers, after that, if you don't get caught/busted, run outside into an alley and drink/eat the nasty watery stuff on the ground; of your feet, (the following i'm gonna write is not racist meant) jerk off to a black guy's feet and call him a n*****, then he will probably hit your teeth out, break your arms, legs, paralyze ya for life, rape you, and if your "LUCKY" enough, (the chance is low, maybe not even 5 %) rape you in a place where many people can see you).

If i am not mistaken, this is what ya want, to get a very traumatizing experience, and i hope it's helpful. It would greatly help if this was printed so you cancarry it with you diuring your mission, hope you accomplish it.

You know, I can't believe you think there is any chance that you'd turn into a "brain dead optimist"... if you're anything, that's not it.

Obviously the comment about traumatising children is a sick joke... I don't know how seriously I can take the rest of your post if you come out with something like this.

You don't need to toughen up, you need to grow up. And regarding needing a social life... no you don't. You just need to accept who you are, not dream of some fantasy self who is completely different.

All of us are broken oddities... same is true of NT's. It's the human condition. Once you realise everybody is broken, and everyone is putting on a mask, you'll be able to stop judging yourself by other people's perceived success, and get on with things.

It felt like I was the only AS in the company, most of them were NTs for sure. There was a westpoint grad who may have been AS and a few enlisted. You have to realize that when 100+ guys live under one roof, it's hard for even me to be a shut in (I had the biggest reputation for it). The other AS types did not get promoted past SPC (think corporal).

Nost of the drinking/videogames were done socially, and the guys who left it at that didn't do too bad for themselves. Most of the guys who advanced in the ranks were married (just another thing they had in common).

Role modelling is underrated. I can relate to having nothing but a guy on tv to show you the way. I was raised in the strict mormon setting and to me, mormonism was all about being as dull and uninteresting as you could possibly make yourself, any other role models were welcome. I'd hate to call my parents abusive, but they definately got carried away considering it was my childhood. Marilyn Manson and Kurt Cobain were my role models as I was growing up

In all seriousness, I've found some healthier people to emulate.

I can't grow up if I don't toughen up first. And tell that second thing to my sister. She will disagree and say I need a social life to figure myself out by seeing how I react to things.