Holy crap, look at this

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It's not the criticism I'm mad about. Some guy there is one-starring all of my posts and I'm worried that events like this are contributing to my auditory hallucinations. So every now and then, I try to fight back and express my rage. I don't know what else to do.

It's like there's a chip in my brain or something! As if someone in the White House is saying, "My shift is over. You watch Professor Chaos and press this button if he does anything nice. We'll take care of the rest." You may laugh, but that's really how it feels.

You think that deep down, I wish to be violent? No way! Pleasure > Pain.

Mike, have you told anyone about these hallucinations? It sounds like they need to be gotten under control.

Doctors are currently bullying their patients and administering medication with dangerous side effects by force. Many of these medications work by blocking dopamine and interfere with the ability to work, function, and take pleasure in day-to-day activities. They can also cause Tardive Dyskinesia, a permanent movement disorder, and loss of gray matter in the brain. They are really treating us like guinea pigs on this issue, and in my opinion, it needs to stop.

As someone who has become relatively skilled at independent thought, I've decided to try to see if I can handle the voices on my own. At least no genetic dependence will arise if I do.

Blocking dopamine? What the f**k? That's the chemical that gives you pleasure and satisfaction. Why the f**k would doctors wanna block that? That's the same chemical that gets you horny. Whats next, medications that spike your cortisol?

As for your essays, I don't really understand much of the stuff and I skimmed through it, but it really looks pretty mind blowing. Your train of thought must be like a laser beam. Well mine's more like a shotgun or a mac 10 being sprayed by some limp wristed kid lol.

Thank you, AceOfSpades.

As a matter of fact, they do block dopamine, and I have been on several brands, sometimes up to six months. They have never cured my hallucinations and they made me drowsy and listless. I lost my sex drive and gained a ton of weight. I think they just give them to you as a strong sedative to protect others around you without regard to your own feelings.

I nearly had a breakdown on Haldol, which they injected into me by force with a half-life of at least a month. Their excuse? "Your thinking is very black-and-white. There's a lot of gray area."

Hi Mike,

I read some of your more philosophical essays previously, and although didn't necessarily agree with everything, I know you are hardworking and reflective. I'm a biologist myself, so can't comment on your recent paper, but I do know that effort is not enough. I recently got a paper published after over 4 years of hard work. In the end it was a pretty rubbish paper in a not very good journal and I'm sure people in journal clubs are criticising it (if they've bothered to read it anyway). I don't actually care because I'm glad I got the thing published finally - I spent over a year on antipsychotics while trying to work on it (basically everything I did when taking them didn't work, my creativity dried up, my determination dried up, I spent a lot of days on the internet because I couldn't event think what experiments to do, then left early to go and eat obsessively at home). Its a bit of a miracle I got the thing published finally - my old lab knows it was an effort, I know it was a lot of work, but I don't expect praise, I don't expect any acknowledgement of what I went through to get that paper, because science is a quest to find the truth, and if there are gaps, there are gaps. If it isn't good, it isn't good. Effort is not enough and I am glad of that because we are trying to find the truth here, not reward people for effort. What I don't like is the politics in science (probably maths too, although I don't know), and how who you know can influence what and where you publish, but that is another rant. I was too involved in my last project emotionally. It is good to be enthusiastic, but important to take some distance. Publish (by whatever means) your findings, but be open to any criticisms and learn from them. There will always be people that havent read or understood it properly, but try to ignore their criticisms. The important thing is to remember that they are criticising your work, not you personally. It can seem like the same thing, but it isn't. Learn where you can, rationally reply to criticism you think is injust, and try to keep enough distance to not get emotionally affected by it (although I know this is hard). And try to keep off the antipsychotics, although I have found that a low dose for a couple of months or so is more beneficial than not - after that things go downhill rapidly and the side effects become more important than the positive effects (and maybe suggest Abilify - 5mg of that for 3 months helped me a lot to deal with unwanted obsessive thoughts, but it is expensive).

The bottom line is that no matter what you do, there are always going to be some haters... especially on the Internet! Some people take advantage of the anonymity or lack of face-to-face interaction to troll. I'm sure you mean well in your essays and discussion, but even if you had the most convincing essay, someone out there is going to one-star you. Try not to take it personally. The problem is with them, just a lot of f**k-ups out there.