help with suicidal thoughts

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Well, I was always afraid of suicide, because I was afraid of pain, and of hurting myself while staying alive. So I didn't do this. Today, I'm also not thinking about it too much, because I know I can theoratically always do it, and I've gone through tougher stages. Since I always got back up, I'm less frightened by new difficult situations.

I know that wanting to disappear. My solution is being alone for as long as necessary. Makes me feel good. That's not to say I don't interact with people. But sometimes just thinking is the best. As for the children - that's one of the reasons I'm not sure if I will have kids. I don't want to kill myself, but I do want to have the option to - I mean, just to know that I can always get rid of this life. Makes living itself much easier. On the other hand - you already have children that you love. That's something to think about as positive, I guess.

Regarding SSRIs - it makes you feel the same, but less depressed. The question is whether it's clinical depression, or just lack of will to live. I didn't want to kill myself as I had reasons not to, but also didn't want to live. So I ruled out the suicide option. I knew that I'm "stuck" in this life. Now, as Nietzsche said - we can't prevent our birth, but we can fix this error... If I'm already stuck here, I try to make the best out of it.

The best solution for not wanting to live, is to search what you do enjoy, and see how you can do that. I was afraid as hell to go to a psychologist, at first it made me feel worse, but now I'm happy with him. Other friends I know tell the same. Of course, depends on the psychologist - best to ask for recommendations, I guess.

What did help me at times was focusing on art, as a distraction. Then I found John Frusciante, and I do think that his music helps a lot of people, his lyrics, etc. A person who sings "the will to death is what keeps me alive, it's one step away", but also favours an optimistic approach, is someone that's easy to relate to.

Also take a look of some of Nietzsche's work, at least read a few quotations. He hated this life as it is, but was still optimistic. Give his ideas a go.

I feel much better now that Ive been taking the st johns wort for a few days, in fact I feel great!

That's great! Maybe I should consider getting off Zoloft and trying it, but I'm afraid my migraines would get worse.

~Kate