She left me because I wont convert to christianity...

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I'm sorry to hear that you've been rejected in this way. As a Christian I really do sympathise with you... my husband was an atheist for much of his life.

However, theoretically you've spared yourself much heart ache later on. Imagine if you'd got married. There would have been the question of how to raise the kids. If she was fundementalist in her Christian beliefs, she would have expected you to be the moral head of the house... that would have been impossible, since your views were so different. So she'd have constantly felt isolated, and it would have been hard for her not to turn into a nag. And it would have been hard for you, over time, not to think of her as being less intelligent than you, since so many atheists are convinced they have the intellectual high ground, and there's something mentally deficient about Christianity. It would have been a hard furrow to plough together (hence the metaphor about an ox and ass not being unevenly yoked.) You're probably lucky not to have gone down that route.

I still think if you'd been in a sexual relationship she would have been wrong to end it, since Scripture does say that a believing partner should stay with an unbelieving partner if the unbeliever is willing to stay a couple. But if you hadn't got as far as sex, ending it was probably best.

It doesn't stop you from hurting though. I'm sorry.

And I'm sure that you'll meet someone else. I'd never been with anyone, let alone broken up with them at your age. You're obviously able to attract someone once, so it can happen again. Heart break is always horrible, no matter your age. I hope you feel better soon.

Hi,

I am Catholic, my sons father was Muslim.......yep, fights all round. We lasted two years, and then he went to jail.

You are an Atheist, she is a Christian.

Just as I would never have given up my Catholicism, I did not expect my ex to give up Islam.

Sorry it didn't work out.......it is horrible. But do not think any less of yourself, even for a minute, dear person.

Just as it is her choice, so it is yours.

Be an atheist and be proud of it.......never change your core values for ANYONE.

Take care........

Mics

It may seem a bit small-minded of her, but everyone has their own 'dealbreakers', so she's entitled to only want a Christian boyfriend. The thing is though, if Christianity is such a big thing to her, why did she not mention it at the start of dating or when things started becoming serious?

I might be too cynical here, but it's almost as if she wanted you to fall in love with her first, so that when the time came for her ultimatum, you would have no choice but to convert (in her mind).

Fair play to you for standing by your beliefs. Don't be put off all religious girls, but just if you get to know someone better and find they are devout, maybe ask them straight out what their stance on inter-faith relationships is, to avoid the same problem in future.

You never know. She's only a teenager who just converted to christianity like 6 months ago. Maybe in time, her views might be a little more open. It could be that she feels too obligated to convert other people. I used to be part of this Evangelist Christian high school, I remember there was a TON of pressure on us to go out and talk to people about god and convert them to Christianity but I was all like "well I'm sure 99% of these people know what Christianity is". This was before I knew I had Asperger's and I was too socially inept to evangelize to people anyway.

People who become born again Christians get REALLY absorbed into it. Some of them remain strict and stuck up and never look back. Others may later stop and realize that they're overdoing it. And some quit it.

Sorry she dumped ya. Plenty of "open-minded" fish in the sea and all

She obviously wasn't right for you if she is not accepting of who you are and respectful of your own beliefs. I dont subscribe to any religion myself, because they all seem so prejudiced against other people's beliefs. I'm am sorry you're hurting over this though. I know break-ups are hard, and its cliche to say it, but true none the less, there are other fish in the sea. The right woman is out there for you. Just gotta keep looking.

That seems to me a bit unfair. She wasn't Christian when they started going out. She only converted part way through their relationship... she wasn't trying to "bait" him in anyway.

I know when I became Christian my (then atheist) husband actually threatened to leave me, because he felt as though I was in love with another guy (Jesus). Which, to be fair, from his point of view is just what happened. One minute I'm a happy go lucky pagan, the next I'm in love with a Jewish carpenter. You can see how that would upset a man.

Fortunately he calmed down, and we stayed together. He did convert in the end, after I had made a conscious decision not to nag him about faith. I didn't pray in front of him, didn't read the Bible in the same room as him, and only mentioned anything God related when he brought it up. (Usually to ridicule my faith.)

So it can work both ways. An atheist can be just as angry with a Christian as the other way round. The point is, folks do have a right to change their minds, their religious outlook etc. That's not to say it doesn't hurt.

Her cutting off contact with you, etc. is a preview of how harsh dogmatic religious people can be when they scorn others who are not of their faith. Not all religious people scorn things and people who are not of their faith, but those who do can be very mean and harmful. If she won't listen to any music but Xtian music, that's a level of intolerance that's pretty high.

Religious intolerant dogmatic NT's only get meaner and harsher as they get older. They develop active contempt for those outside their religious bubble, not just avoidance.

It's hard for religious Aspies to understand how mean and harsh religious NT's can get, because most Aspies lack that social group psychodynamic that makes people hate or love just based on group identity.

Look, the reason you are hurting, is because of how she chose to treat someone who loved her, out of her religious intolerance. She not only cut your relationship off because you didn't convert on her lead, but she cut off contact with you.

You love her, but how clearly do you see her flaws?

I saw a sticker that best sums this up . . . "Spiritual people inspire me, religious people scare me" - Random bumper sticker (dunno who said it). Nothing you can do about zealous religious folks . . . aside from wishing they could all be thrown on some island and let themselves kill each other off due to in-tolerances (im a firm supporter of exiling those who disrupt peace due to theology). As for her, well . . . can't fix stupid. Shrug her off and move on . . . if she cannot accept your views then she's not likely someone you would want in your life . . . she can be whatever religion in the world, but that doesnt mean she should be a mindless zealot. This breakup probably saved you a lifetime of pain and misery .

Ah, sorry, I missed the part where he said she wasn't Christian to begin with.

Sorry to hear bout ur gurl dumping u... she obviously wasn't de rite person.
i went through alot of s**t back in ma early teens and yea i had ma 1st ever guy, it went on very well until i told him dat i mite be pregnant, next thing u know, he disappeared out of the trace.
When i got tested negative, he still didnt believe me, got into a fight and then he just left me.

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mayokka
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Sorry to hear that Mayokka Lucky escape though!

Sorry to hear that.. but seriously you're better off without her.

Clearly she considers you less important than what others would think of her.

its cool, least i survive with a couple of bruises but thats just nothing. he regretted it in the end but i cant forgive a guy who have hurt ma feelings and psychically abused me.

this is one of those pick you battle moments. you dont have to believe anything, just go to church and pretend

This isn't a unique problem, so I'm going to go ahead and post this in case it might be helpful for someone else.

I don't see this as the right way to solve this sort of thing - it'll just cause bigger problems later. Respecting each others positions and being willing to consider the other side is the key.

In this case, the answer would be going to church, listening to what they have to say, and being willing to reconsider your beliefs. Be willing to have people try and convert you, so long as they are comfortable to answer any questions that you might have (e.g. answering the seeming paradoxes in Christianity - glossing over this because it's the wrong forum) and not simply yell at you that you're going to hell.

Willing to move is the best way to deal with this sort of thing. But if she isn't willing to meet at a compromise over the issue then she probably isn't the right person