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My friend upset me! OMG!

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zeldapsychology
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28 May 2010, 5:52 am

Interesting I'll have to research what this "Psychbiology" is. :-) I want to see my name on a paper sure IMO seeing study for 5 years on say kids on (example ADD) but I test 50 girls and 50 boys and since no matter what EVERYONE behaves differently one day a couple boys another some girls so IMO it'd never get boring even if the study was dragged to 10 years EVERYONE is different. Also thanks! I agree I'm not sure if she was honest or was hurtful it was kind of complicated. (Her sister a 2nd good friend of mine) said her sister's crazy like that (when I suggested the party idea to her) SHE was very nice/caring about the idea and even asked what I'd be. :-) Don't worry I'll keep you guys informed on College NO DOUBT about that! :-)



luvsterriers
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28 May 2010, 9:28 am

monsterland wrote:
She may be trying to get rid of you.

Also, she sounds dumb.



I agree. This girl does sound dumb. It doesn't make sense. I don't know what the deal is with her. I have had "friends" like her. I have NO friends at all and I'm happier now. I rather have no friends, than have friends who use me and hurt me.


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Janissy
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28 May 2010, 12:13 pm

Do not pressure her into throwing a party that she does not want to throw. If she feels pressured, she will avoid you and you will lose a friend. She is not dumb. She is not mean. She is simply declining to do something that she doesn't want to do, which is her right.



zeldapsychology
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28 May 2010, 1:04 pm

Good point Jannisy. :-)



astaut
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28 May 2010, 1:38 pm

Zelda-

I've been in this situation a million times. My mom (she is NT with aspie traits so she is good at explaining things) had to explain it to me and has to remind me. Sometimes people just don't want to do something, but simply won't say that. In our aspie minds, we get so set on something and so excited about it that we don't understand why someone wouldn't be as excited as we are, so saying 'eh...I don't want to' isn't a good enough excuse (for me, anyway). But when we are able to tell that they are making up an excuse (like your friend might be), it can be very insulting. I for one get terribly insulted when a friend just doesn't want to do something and makes up an excuse.

Just remember it's her money and she gets to spend it how she wants. She was at least nice enough to give you some sort of reason...remember, in her mind her reasoning might be 100% logical (even if it makes NO sense to us, lol). I've had people flat out lie to me probably more than once because I just can't understand their excuses and I spend time rationalizing them. I've since learned I'm supposed to realize it's an excuse and leave them alone. (These are my experiences, as I said up there ^ your friend might see this as an entirely valid excuse in her own mind.)



Janissy
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28 May 2010, 2:49 pm

astaut wrote:
Zelda-

I've been in this situation a million times. My mom (she is NT with aspie traits so she is good at explaining things) had to explain it to me and has to remind me. Sometimes people just don't want to do something, but simply won't say that. In our aspie minds, we get so set on something and so excited about it that we don't understand why someone wouldn't be as excited as we are, so saying 'eh...I don't want to' isn't a good enough excuse (for me, anyway). But when we are able to tell that they are making up an excuse (like your friend might be), it can be very insulting. I for one get terribly insulted when a friend just doesn't want to do something and makes up an excuse.

Just remember it's her money and she gets to spend it how she wants. She was at least nice enough to give you some sort of reason...remember, in her mind her reasoning might be 100% logical (even if it makes NO sense to us, lol). I've had people flat out lie to me probably more than once because I just can't understand their excuses and I spend time rationalizing them. I've since learned I'm supposed to realize it's an excuse and leave them alone. (These are my experiences, as I said up there ^ your friend might see this as an entirely valid excuse in her own mind.)


I am 99% sure that this right here is exactly what is happening.

The friends is in an awkward position. If she simply says, "I don't want to," that's seen as unacceptable. So she makes up a reason or a bunch of reasons. They get picked apart as flimsy excuses.

The bottom line is, it needs to be acceptable for somebody to simply say "I don't want to" and leave it at that. If you will not accept "I don't want to" you either then need to accept whatever bs excuses are created to fill in for not wanting to or accept losing friends. This is a painful truth but for somebody who is on a mission to make friends in college, it is a very important one.



zeldapsychology
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28 May 2010, 4:47 pm

Thanks! I agree as an Aspie when I get my mind set on something I'm usually SET! Didn't know that was something Aspies did LOL! Instead of spending that money for movie/eating I decided oh well her lose (I'll either NOT go to the movies or go with my little sister or by myself) I'm trying to save money anyway and the money that would of used for movie/eating I chose to spend that $50 and buy SMG2! I agree I need to learn excuses and when people say no accept that. I also agree with maybe doing my OWN party and maybe even NOT inviting her! (No offense to her) but when I asked if "this was doable") (as in meet a friend and do it at THERE place she said possible but AGAIN reitterated it couldn't be at her house! Oh well. Her loss. :-)



Janissy
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28 May 2010, 4:57 pm

zeldapsychology wrote:
Thanks! I agree as an Aspie when I get my mind set on something I'm usually SET! Didn't know that was something Aspies did LOL! Instead of spending that money for movie/eating I decided oh well her lose (I'll either NOT go to the movies or go with my little sister or by myself) I'm trying to save money anyway and the money that would of used for movie/eating I chose to spend that $50 and buy SMG2! I agree I need to learn excuses and when people say no accept that. I also agree with maybe doing my OWN party and maybe even NOT inviting her! (No offense to her) but when I asked if "this was doable") (as in meet a friend and do it at THERE place she said possible but AGAIN reitterated it couldn't be at her house! Oh well. Her loss. :-)


Zeldapsychology I'm trying to help you here. I really am. :( You said you wanted to make friends at school and that would be great. But you can't pressure people into doing things they don't want to do if you want to be friends with them. She didn't do anything wrong by not wanting to throw a party. So don't punish her by not inviting her if you decide you want to have one. Would you want somebody to do this to you?

If you are really serious about making and keeping friends, please please reconsider this idea that somebody has to go along with your plans or you will figure out some way to emotionally punish them for not doing what you tell them to. Please don't do that.



zeldapsychology
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28 May 2010, 5:27 pm

Ya you're right Jannisy. Sorry. :-) Wow I have alot to learn! It's kind of sad!! !