01 Jul 2010, 1:36 pm
Variant wrote:
druidsbird wrote:
of being treated like an idiot.
Or a little kid.
When I'm neither.
It's even worse to be treated those ways on the rare occasions when I did something to deserve it.
Or by people who don't have a fraction of the intellectual ability I have.
The world makes me feel like my brain is being electrocuted. For the most part, people don't help.
My girlfriend is awesome though. She makes me feel a lot better. She makes me feel like I'm actually a worthy addition to the Human race. Which is something I haven't felt about myself... well, ever.
Most of the time though, I just wish that when I go to bed, that I'm not going to wake up the next day.
I'm just so so so very tired.
Or a little kid.
When I'm neither.
It's even worse to be treated those ways on the rare occasions when I did something to deserve it.
Or by people who don't have a fraction of the intellectual ability I have.
The world makes me feel like my brain is being electrocuted. For the most part, people don't help.
My girlfriend is awesome though. She makes me feel a lot better. She makes me feel like I'm actually a worthy addition to the Human race. Which is something I haven't felt about myself... well, ever.
Most of the time though, I just wish that when I go to bed, that I'm not going to wake up the next day.
I'm just so so so very tired.
I feel exactly the same way quite frequently. And I would go to sleep, almost every night, thinking the same thing about not waking up the next day. Then I met my fiancee, which helped tremendously, and started taking an anti-depressant as well.
I still have the other people around me treating me like crap, but it doesn't bother me as much anymore. I'm happy with who I am, as is my fiancee, and that is all that matters to me.
My girlfriend helps a lot. She's wonderful. A lot of the flak I get is from her though, though it's my fault because I'm seemingly unable to learn to be a responsible grown up in our relationship, which puts a lot more pressure on her. But she is also very supportive of me.
I don't remember how many antidepressants I've been on in the past year. I think my doctor has tried out four or five now, as well as a couple of different tranquilizers. Only one of the antidepressants has worked for me, but had to discontinue it due to an adverse reaction, so we're trying other things and I'm pretty much a guinea pig for the pharmaceutical industry at this point.
My current antidepressant makes me sleepy.
05 Jul 2010, 5:46 pm
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