losing it

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I am so burned out. I am so sick of the stupidity I get from others. My body hurts, because of it. If I could die from it, I would have. I have wanted to so many times.

Thank you. I do appreciate it. I'm just messed up right now with too much stuff. It helps to know you're there. Thank you.

You should be very grateful if you don't have trauma. If you don't even know what it really is. You should just kiss your feet, kiss the sun, kiss the sky, walk on and thank God it wasn't you who know it.

I'm thanking the god that I am blessed with a beautiful life, because I'm beautiful and what happened to me didn't take me down, at least materially. But in every other way, it was done long before my eighth birthday, before my suicide attempt when I was six, long before I said my first word even, which was "Fruck mommy, fruck!!"

My heart feels like it is ripped out of my chest most days. It's hard to cope with. I hate this life. I hate people. All people. All the mean crazy people. I was brutalized by mean, stupid people. Stupid people who have a mean streak. Have you even met any? I survived, even though I couldn't speak. I couldn't fight back. I couldn't say a word. I survived. I'm so mad. I'm so mad about what happened to ME. I felt some grief just yesterday, in passing. Some awakening. I couldn't afford to confront or feel it, not any of it.

f**k all you people who have done nothing but give me a hard time. I WANT to be banned, okay Quatermass? Get your thrifty ban hammer and get f*****g busy.

DW_a_mom called me an idiot with her incredibly crafty use of language, and her Charlie Brown comments. I'm not that crafty with language. You have the stupidity to mess with me, then you're stupid enough to deal with the consequences, in plain English. I have no special way with language. If someone tries to provoke me, they should be held accountable also. Especially when they are neurotypical and know exactly what they're doing.

People who bother with stupid insults aren't worth your time. (:

I'm happy to link the thread: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt139347.html. For the record, *I* can relate to Charlie Brown's cluelessness, seriously many people can which is why he has endured so long, but I didn't want to state that least you think I was trying to curry favor since he was a favorite of yours. There was no "crafty use of language" intending to call you an idiot, or at least not intentionally. If I implied something I didn't mean to, and third parties agree with your take, then I'll accept that criticism and apologize; I know I'm not perfect. I am really, really sorry we have not been able to reach any level of understanding with each other.

And I'm sorry for posting on your support thread. But if you are going to attack me, I'm going to defend myself. Same as anyone would.

Also ... if you took my reference to Charlie Brown as a reference to you, why did you not take in the heart of gold part, but focused only on the "can be a little clueless" part? (I'm not going to claim I wrote the heart of gold part as a way I could relate, personally, to Charlie Brown; that is a simple statement about the character.) My sentence was about why I LIKED Charlie Brown; how that turns into a crafty put-down I'm still trying to figure out.

EDIT: I'm going to apologize for upsetting you. Its taken me a while to realize it, but I think just my presence bothers you. So ... I should have just never posted to you at all. I'm sorry for making things worse by not figuring that out earlier

I hope you are OK.

Last edited by DW_a_mom on 04 Oct 2010, 2:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Just keep posting, Meadow. Even some of us you say you hate actually care.