Why should I apologize?

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Over the years with the friends I've had, I am a pushover most of the time and tread likely in fear of losing my few friends. I, however, have lost those friends despite treading lightly. This friend is the only friend I get into arguments with, I try to avoid them. She's just so.... ridiculous. I get the feeling we've been getting into more arguments recently because I'm getting tired of her stupidity. I used to have a really long fuse when I spoke to her, now it's always instantly at half, so it seems.

I should have been tougher, it's so hard for me to make friends now.

what do you mean that you are a pushover?

I try to argue as little as a can and will agree with people or give passive answers. If they want something I'll usually oblige. I tend to let go what friends say to me when it's rude because I don't want to end up in an argument.

do you like this role or would you rather be the leader?

Hate it, it's annoying to not have friends that treat you equally as their other friends. I don't want to be a leader either, it's too much to deal with. I would have to deal with multiple people I'd imagine if I were the leader of a group of friends. Maybe i'm taking "leader" the wrong way.

I've become less tolerating over the years, but I also don't have many friends to really know if this is true, but I believe it is.

start a circle of friends outside of your current friends and try to learn more of a commanding role. You see, you saw what bad leadership does and how it makes you feel. Be the leader that includes everyone in the group.

That could work, I just have to find a circle, which is pretty hard.

It's not hard if you look for friends with attributes that suite you. Take whatever you are good at or what you like to do and zone in on those types of people.

She should be the one to apologize. You didn't do anything wrong.

I know you want to hold on to your friends, but this one is TOXIC. Treats you like crap and if you even try to do just a bit of what she does to do, she goes psycho at you. I'm probably exaggerating but hopefully you sort of get what I'm trying to say. You don't need a over-dramatic hypocrite verbally and emotionally manipulating you.

When I first started the whole socializing/making friends stage I had a policy that it was better to be alone than to have a bad friendship or relationship. I still follow it to this day although my circle of friends have expanded beyond 1-2 people so I just break ties with the person or subgroup which is causing all the trouble. It seems counter-intuitive as a way of making friends, but if you're strong enough to be able to recognize and get rid of the bad relationships you'll have a confidence or assertiveness that is more attractive to the right kind of people and you'll be better able to recognize and keep a good relationship.