Best way to lop yourself?

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Last edited by hale_bopp on 12 Dec 2010, 2:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If you cut yourself you'll be hurting twice, not less!

I too have felt suicidal, and for the same reasons: extreme loneliness, rejection by others, being different from everyone else (everyone is different, but some are MORE different than others). longing for love.

You are very pretty hale_bopp even if you don't think so. That of course might make things worse if you do know you are pretty, because then it's even harder to figure out why other girls not as pretty or smart as you can get boyfriends. You are smart and funny and helpful to others. I will miss you from the forums if you leave us.

It is your prerogative to check out any time you wish. Consider though that death will come anyway no matter what happens. It's guaranteed. If things get REALLY bad, then death will come all the sooner. Hang in there. Change happens. Change is the only constant in the universe. Things could get better, stay the same, or get worse, but you do have online friends here on WP. Odds are the way the internet connects the world, you will be able to connect in real life with someone of similar interests.

I too thought before that I finally had a friend or friends, only to be disappointed and feel betrayed later. Betrayed sometimes by my own neurology, but betrayed sometimes too because a lot of people are a-holes. Maybe I bring it out in them, lol.

You are lucky that you are young, pretty, smart, funny and kind, and that you know something about being on the spectrum, and that others know more about the spectrum now than when I was your age (I am twice your age, omg!)

I can't tell you to hang in there, but it might be worth it. You are loved. I hope you find that someone you are looking for, or find within yourself that you don't necessarily need it as much as you feel like you do right now. I don't mean "sour grapes", putting something down because one can't get it. I mean finding some type of enlightenment where you transcend biological and societal conditioning.

I hope this helps. You're cute and you would be missed by me and others.

Last edited by TheBicyclingGuitarist on 12 Dec 2010, 1:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Or.... you could do a few other things:

1) Take it out on a run, on weights, on some kind of physical activity - and do it regularly not just when you're pissed.
2) Get some oil paint or even just a paint program, take it out on canvas. Or, get yourself Fruityloops or Reason - make some really brutal audio.

What I was telling nthach is this - get involved wit hobbies that are not only rewarding but that can build to professional level over time or give you skill sets that are incredibly marketable or that add a lot of backbone to who you can be in the future. These seem like the best natural cure for this kind of depression.

Cutting you may feel some momentary relief, then you'll look down, see the gashes, and start judging yourself even more (especially if other people might see it).

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Last edited by hale_bopp on 12 Dec 2010, 2:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Please don't do anything to yourself Fiona.
You're one of the most unique and interesting voices around here. You try to do more than most at helping others around here and elsewhere with your videos and website.
Even the best of us have our bad moments in life we go through. I went through some bad things this year and got through it... not everything is acceptable still, but I'll get through it. I guess you're going through one of those tough times too?

Maybe you've over-exerted yourself or some wave of self-doubt has come over you. It happens. Just relax and find something to occupy your time with so you don't dwell on those bad things. It'll pass eventually.

I think there's plenty of people around who still like you and would gladly be friends. I
I'm willing to be your friend, although I know I'd be just another internet voice to talk to.
You can always PM me if you want to.

Stay strong girl.

Physical pain has never helped me deal with emotional pain. At best it might act as something to distract your thoughts. I won't say "don't do it" because who knows what might work best for you, but I suspect hurting yourself won't do what you need.

One thing that will very likely work is to push yourself to some sort of physical exhaustion. Run for a few miles or do some other kind of aerobic exercise. Pushing yourself to the point where you start moving can be hard when you are badly depressed but once you get moving, you can usually keep going. Whatever bio-chemical process that occurs seems to help immensely with a sense of well being and an ability to cope with problems.

Nothing is going to work. I regret making this thread.

What he said...

Guitar works for me, especially if I do it while riding a bicycle at the same time. As for building to professional level, well, I haven't yet seen any financial advantage yet from what I do, but that may change the next year or two now that I play better than ever before and more people than ever before are hearing about me. If not, well, money or fame aren't why I do it anyway. I do it to ease my own pain. I hope you find something to ease yours.

I can't say this enough either - 25 sucks, its the age where a lot of my dreams started snapping shut before my eyes. Once some of these things have had a few more years to reverberate around your head and settle you'll be feeling a lot more at peace, even if these things never fully go away they won't be nagging you nearly as much as they are now.

Then there is always alcohol. It won't solve the problem, but it might knock you out enough to get past the pain.

When I was about your age, I when through an extended period of time where I had a lot of trouble with extreme anxiety and obsessive compulsive problems. The tension became so great that my jaw would lock up and I would have to grab my lower jaw and work it up and down until it loosened up enough that I could eat or talk.

Then my mother suggested I take up alcohol. You know your life is not going in the right direction when your mother says maybe you need to drink more.

Anyway, it helped me get past the worst of it. It didn't cure the problem, but it got me to a point where I could handle the problem in my own way.

I disagree. Alcohol could make things worse by blurring one's judgment where one could do something impulsively that has tragic irrevocable consequences. It would probably add more problems, not help you get through the ones you already have.

Sorry if I'm pushing too much... it's hard to let go when someone seems to be in real pain, but here are a couple more things that occurred to me...

If anyone else here was going through what you are going through, what advice would you give them?

Also, maybe we are not understanding you well enough.  In the responses in this thread, is there something you have tried to communicate that everyone is missing?  Is there something that is hurting you that you haven't been able to bring yourself to admit?

Good god, you really are hurting. Sh**, I wish I could help.

But if you want to hurt, do it in a productive way. Get a tattoo or a piercing. Or donate blood. The needle stings (and maybe it takes a couple of times before the find a vein -- just kidding).

I hope I'm understanding you correctly. If not, shoot me and tell me I'm not.

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Please do not hurt yourself.

Also, please let us know what you mean by "deleted" I hope you only mean you deleted a post.

hale_bopp. here's the thing. i didn't know if i could come to the Haven for a while because i am not strong enough to help. but i have to try, because you mean something to me here on WP.

i understand that if you've made up your mind, then nobody can really stop you. but i am holding out hope that you haven't made up your mind yet.

your intelligent and concise posts, your ability to effectively argue something that is right and true, your leadership in bringing people around to your point of view, and the way you have reached out to other people... these are all just some of the things that make you important here on WP. i cannot believe that you don't also touch people deeply in real life.

you have done so much important work for people here (and on other forums), and it's important for you to try to understand that your influence on others is meaningful. you can't just remove yourself from life without having a profound impact on people around you. we aren't just random avatars that would be unaffected - we are people who honestly care.

i don't have much in the way of advice, except to tell you that if you absolutely isolate yourself from people who are trying to help, then you create a situation where they can no longer help you because they can't cross the barrier. please don't shut us out, and don't shut out the people around you in real life either. both the online and real-life communities can help you to be strong.