hey lae,
i am so sorry to hear of your loss....
It is good though that you have your other cats that you must take care of, it will help you in the long run, trust me....
I lost my cat about 2 and a half years ago.... I was 16 at the time, and my parents got her like two months before i was born, so i grew up with her, and i never really had friends where i would go and do things with, or even talk to outside of school(talk to meaning almost never)
She was killed when my house caught on fire, practicaly all was destroyed by at least somke, if not fire.... Serriously, she was/is still the only thing that i lost that i care i lost, if she would have been ok, i would have not cared at all that my house just burned!
i hope you will be able to still love your other cats, and not feel bad about your one cat.... I still cant look at a picture of my cat though... i want to get another soon.