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Why don't you want to change?

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Niamh
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04 Jun 2011, 7:05 am

OP, I like how you highlight when people are too hard on so-called "NT"s when it's not their fault that your AS is invisible and that there's not enough information and general awareness of it yet. I hate the struggles too and I hate that some people try to speak for everyone when they say they love being autistic and would never change it, while talking about "NT" people as if they're some kind of dark enemy... I honestly feel disabled by my own autism but I don't define it as a disability. I can understand that some people find it disabling while others find it enabling, and some people find it 50/50, so I do NOT try to speak for everybody on the spectrum by being positive or negative about it in my explanations to friends/family - I stay neutral unless the conversation is going to be specifically about positives and negatives for me, or about examples of positives and negatives for autistic people in general.



The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Jun 2011, 9:25 am

u wrote:
I see it a lot on this site, other such sites, and literature about Asperger's Syndrome. I see people saying that they don't want to change, that we shouldn't want to change, that we shouldn't want a cure, that we should be proud, and that, if NTs don't understand us, then they are at fault.

But I don't really buy any of that. Yes, I want to change. I don't like that the only safe place for me in this world is at home, in front of my computer. I don't like that, while I want to have friendships and a social life and such, I can't help but tense up around my peers and shut everyone out. Conversations overwhelm me with anxiety and exhaust me. I can't focus. Although I still manage to make eye contact, it just takes so much more effort for me than it really should. Stress, anxiety, and depression have consumed me since middle school (I'm in my final year of high school). And I can't eliminate these problems; all I can do is "cope" with them. I don't want to "cope" all my life.

Furthermore, I don't think I should blame NTs if I'm naturally an unapproachable, unfriendly, unlikable person. I know I can't hold a conversation and that I make eye contact only reluctantly and that I speak in monotone and that I seem like a robot, etc.

I know a lot of aspies think NTs are shallow, boring people, but I know many NTs who aren't, and I'd rather be one of them, frankly.




+10000

Best Haven post ever.

I am with you.