The last day I ate,
I had 5 2 lb bags of salad...I obsess about food, too, only I eat tiny (caloric) amounts.
I'll see a commercial for an extra large pizza with all these toppings and I'll go into the kitchen and cut myself an eighth of a lemon and take five full minutes to eat it. Sometimes I'll put it on a small plate and microwave it so it's warm, and eat it with a napkin in my lap and everything. I collect paper menus from restaurants and highlight the things I would get, and then feel guilty for being a glutton and drink ten more bottles of water as "punishment". If I haven't lost as much weight as I want, I resolve to deny myself lemons until I get there. But as I said, sometimes I'll break down every few weeks and eat a whole bunch of salad, picking around some of it as I go, saving the crunchy parts for last. I've been living like this for years- my doctors don't really care because I'm obese, and even when I was on their diet and exercise plans, or prescriptions, or in-patient treatments, I was still obese. They don't really know what to make of me.
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For there is another kind of violence, slower but just as deadly, destructive as the shot or the bomb in the night. This is the violence of institutions; indifference and inaction and slow decay.
26 Apr 2011, 5:02 pm
