Buh bye

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I got a strange feeling you make more in one year than I have made in my entire
life. I guess God gives those weak in spirit less burdens and those who do not need
faith(me) the most burdens. How many years have you worked how much is
your 501K or teacher pension fund. Have you barrow againts it? I think your in
pain but I bet you got enough smarts and resources that make most people on this
site look like total helpless loosers(me for example).

>>I got a strange feeling you make more in one year than I have made in my entire life.<<

Let's see... last year I made just under $10,000 working two part time jobs, in 2004 I made about $14,000 with another 2 part time jobs, this year I have not found work. My last job of delivering newspapers at 3 in the morning ended when I totalled my car when a freaking deer ran right in front of my car and the insurance agency did not pay the claim because "I was working when the accident happened and since I do not have commercial insurance, I am not covered."

Manpower (a hiring agency) called yesterday to pre-interview me. They asked "What can you do?" and I said "I am a professional manager. I have 15 years experience in running companies" She then said "yeah, but what can you do?"

And as far as my fifteen years experience yes- I have made over one million dollars in my working career. But apart from this house I live in and whatever worthless junk I have here, my wife has everything.

I live in Pennsylvania, 200 miles away from where I spent my entire life, living in "the weekend house" up in the mountains in a place where there simply are no jobs.
http://www.trulia.com/city/PA/Forest_City/

I have a house worth about $80,000 and about $80,000 in debt.

>>I guess God gives those weak in spirit less burdens and those who do not need faith(me) the most burdens.<<

You may be right.

>>How many years have you worked how much is your 501K or teacher pension fund.<<

I have one retirement account with about $600 in it. I have my own bank account here with about $900 in it, the rest she has.

>>I think your in pain but I bet you got enough smarts and resources that make most people on this
site look like total helpless loosers(me for example).<<

I've got plenty of smarts. But smarts don't pay the bills. As far as me the teacher, I teach people. I usually teach people how to be nicer but lately all I have been teaching is how to not end up like me.

Okay I'm sorry I was thinking you were a school teacher making $35-50K a year.
I went to college at 23 on Pell grants and student loans and maybe few thousand
from family and few thousand in scholarship I (earned the second year + 3rd year).
What I'm saying is going to college maybe a solution for you. I think you can join
the National Graud at 36 get education benifits and better than min wage pay
for parttime work. Oh if you were physically able an wanted to join the military
you could likely transfer from the National Graud to the full services (even though
they have lowwer age requirement I think 34 or 35).
(I'm like you more now that your know your poor like me!)

Choose Life!

I have.. but I didn't consider her selfish.. I consider her dead. Distruction of the self would never be caused by selfishness- thats a contradiction as she obviously had no love for herself. The only thing I thing she was was depressed and miserable.. if I were to change that to 'selfish' I would be denying her the pain she expereienced in life even after death.

Don't choose a permanent solution to temporary problems!

Life is a GIFT, that's why we call it the PRESENT!

ladakh,

NO!

I'm 50, now and I've known 2 friends and 1 acquantance who went through with this line of thinking to the end. Another closer friend tried and FV<K3D it UP just the same as most other things in his life and for the last 20 years he's been a vegetable salad, quite a burden to his loved ones. In every case, the one who tried the "easy road" left behind people who THEY cared about in grief and agonizing confusion. I really can't tell you the right things to do, I mean HELL I've known 4 people who have not made it past this low spot, but there are services which can help get you back onto a less painful track. Take advantage of them.

There are also people that care about you specifically, YOU as a person, not just a name on a forum, like me (I do care, but I can't help) who you don't know, but real people who REALLY care about YOU. Don't let them down. Get some help to get past this SELFISH time in your life and on the other side of all this, there is hope.

I'm sending positive thoughts (many of us are) your way, please, open yourself up to them and FIX this. This is something that needs to be fixed in your life, nothing more. Failure is not of your essence, don't make it part of your plan.

Godspeed.

the clocks ticking...dates getting closer,so I thought I should get in my "two cents worth"while I can...
I have never been through "losing my house" because I could never afford a house...but I have been homeless...and it pretty much sucked...I survived it though and got my butt into treatment to get help for my drinking and depression it took alot of work and wasnt "easy" but it was kind of interesting ...life is kind of interesting(which happens to be similiar to a chinese curse...may you live in interesting times)so...my life has been a curse,oh well...

I made two very serious suicide attempts...ie...not a cry for help,thoughI would have liked some, just didnt think there was any...I failed both times and the second time I would have ended up dead or alive and paralyzied if not for the intervention or curse of fate...(jumped off a building and landed in a net I couldnt see because I had taken my contacts out)such is life....

I obviously have had two very strong sides of myself batteling it out...a strong will to live and a desire to end the pain,frustration,rage and confussion that has plagued me...ah, what to do...

well...its your life and only you should make the choice...its the one thing we own...our own existence
the guilt of abandoning my cats has kept me alive more then once...or finishing a book.The thoughts of reincarnation have kept me alive(fear of its possibility)my life may suck but I'm not a starving child with AIDs living in a country pagued with genecide...yet,but I might be next time...I still dream of a better world with more compassion less suffering and maybe will find it after death...but maybe not...I will die and find out eventually...must be patient and kill time instead of myself.I know one thing for sure...being homeless helped me appriciate the small joys in life...getting out of the rain,reading a good book,petting my cats ,a bath,walk in the woods,making "stuff"...these things I will really miss should I end up starving in Africa some day...

This is a true story. a few years ago i was in the same situation as this author was. i was contemplating suicide because the IRS said i owed them back taxes for like two years back. you don't want this collection agency after you, because they always get paid, and what made matters worse was i didn't have a job and had to sell half my sportscard collection just to pay the bill it was somewhere around $1,280. can you believe that? they sent me letters saying they were going to take all my s**t, they said they were going to throw me in jail, it was absolutley terrible. i finally got them payed off in a year, because i couldn't sell all my cards at once i'd sell like one here one there and saved up the money to pay them. i still have nitemares till today of getting a certified letter in the mail from the IRS. once i got them payed off i didn't want to commit sucide any longer but i know exactley how you feel.

Are you still around Ladakh? Have we changed your mind at all? How are you feeling? Whats the situation?

>>Are you still around Ladakh? Have we changed your mind at all? How are you feeling? Whats the situation?<<

I am still here. I have been talking privately with TheMachine1 about stuff and that helps a little.

Quartermass wrote on another board:
>>Ah, something to take your mind off the deadline, eh?<<

And TheMachine1 on this board wrote:
>>What happen on 8-14-06<<

To answer both questions, as of August 14th, my family will not be here, they are going away. And until then I go on posting here, "taking my mind off things" as it were.

There are days I feel good and there are days I feel horrible. But in the big picture, I am slowly sliding downhill.

Thank you for your concern.

ladakh

There have been other people who have survived what you've been through - as far as a broken marriage and having your finances and life style trashed because of it. You can survive this. I think it is perfectly reasonable for you to feel miserable and depressed for quite a while afterwards, but completely unnecessary for you to contemplate suicide as well.

Do you have children? Have you thought about the impact of what you are planning will have on them? They will inherit your debt and sense of failure.

Suppose you do what you have planned, have you planned for someone experienced with death - like an undertaker or ambulance worker to find you - before your family does or someone else completely inexperienced with it like a debt collector or your bank staff.

Have you thought about the implicatons of your challenge to us "to convince you not to do it", how some of us might feel if we don't "convince" you to live. I myself know that only you are responsible for your actions so I will feel ok that I at least tried but not the least bit responsible for the outcome either way - this is your choice.

Have you asked anyone locally face to face for help? There must be support services somewhere near you (nearer than Australia anyway), that help with this kind of thing. Have you thought about going to them with your "convince me" challenge? Like I said before, there are ways to deal with this and live through it. 80K is nothing to a bank - they can afford to wait if you or your help arrange it with them. It's no shame to be in debt - most people are or have been or will be in western society. There are many ways to be in debt and many ways to repay it.

You have been successful at making money before, you can again if you choose.

Hey, for what it's worth...

My wife left me a year ago. I was devastated. It's been a difficult year. I had to resort to anti-depressants for the first time in my life in order to keep it together and do the things that needed to be done. But I'm still here, and now things are finally starting to turn around for me. Hang in there.

Hey Ladakh just checking on you. I have not heard from you in a few days.

i hope you dont kill yourself, over something thats so stupid and can be fixed.

Talk to us about your progress, ladakh.