I'm giving in.

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deep-techno
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09 Aug 2011, 7:52 pm

GammaGeek wrote:

What's the point? I'm just a "F****ing stupid, slobbish pyscho that cares only about [myself]". My own mother just told me she hates me, my father is offically dead to me, my brother Matt left me, all my friends are gone and not a soul in the world cares that every morning I have to pull the knife away. I take so much care making sure it's sharp and clean, but I can never use it. And of course it's the biggest damn knife in the drawer. Why not? Slasher films used to be one of those things that made me happy. Now, like the rest, it's one of those things that make me feel already dead. But, being the sick freak I happen to be, I happen to find the idea amusing. Gonna die Jason style. Or not, since I'm too f****ing stupid to do it.

I've failed. I knew I'd never make it to 17, but I never thought I'd be expecting death tomorrow. Jeezus I am a disgrace to the family. In a family of blacksheep, I'm the blackest. And I'm just digging down further and further. Where the light has gone, I don't know. I don't care much anymore. I just don't want to get hurt anymore. I don't want to die, but it's like it's the only way out. I'm already practically lying in a coffin rotting away as the stupid zombie I've become.

Why the hell am I even posting this? Even if I AM subconsciously begging like a baby for help, how are any of you gonna help? No offense, but I might as well be on another planet. Alone on a planet sounds real nice really.

Screw this. I need to f***ing call someone before I put Mr. Voorhees to use.

See a counseller or a psychologist. Taking your life right now is not a good idea at all, as there's so much of your life that you've not experienced yet.

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Artros
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10 Aug 2011, 5:31 am

One of the people I talked about was in the same situation. His parents were gone, his sister was gone and he had no one left. He didn't take the way out. He's pretty happy these days. Think about it this way. If your life truly is as bad as it could possibly get, then the rest of your life is guaranteed to be better than where you are now.

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Robdemanc
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10 Aug 2011, 1:39 pm

I attempted suicide at 15. If you can get through this you will have many future years where you feel strong and able to face life. And believe me the best is yet to come. My best years have been between 21 and now. It took me a few years of feeling confused and alone but after 21 I got to feeling good about my life and started to do a lot with it.

Being a teenager is s**t, everyone will agree. But its just a short time in your life.

GammaGeek
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10 Aug 2011, 10:14 pm

Look, I've figured it out; it's not COMPLETELY my fault. My mom has OCD and anxiety too, and during that wonderful time of the month women go through she loses her mente puto over every little thing. Sure, this is as annoying as hell and has almost driven me to using Mr. Voorhees for purposes other than choppig onions or opening boxes, I need to learn to calm down too. I need to relax and let her do her thing. She's NOT going to kill me, kick me out, or anything like that.

See, I can tell me and my mom are back to normal because I've turned back into a smartass and she's downstairs watching Thundarr the Barbarian (she actually named me after one of the characters).

Thank you guys, I'm sorry I went off like that. Now I just have to stop eating so many dairy products and I'll be set. Honestly, half a bag of shredded cheese, a gallon of milk and 4 sundaes in 3 days can NOT be healthy. I don't usually turn to food, but I really got a thing for drinking a big glass of milk. God, I'd kill for some milk right now.

Still, I'll ask about going to see a counseller once things are chill once more. I talked to a guy via Suicide Hotline and told my friend about the mierda going on too.

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Jonsi
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