Failing at finding a meaningful relationship, 0 self esteem

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IDK. When I think about what I did wrong, I usually just feel like a moron or like I need to be an entirely different person.

I can deffinately relate to your situation Dennis. I'm 25 also, I've had very few (short) relationships and each one I somehow f****d up, and each one made me feel worse than the last. I've dealt with depression and anxiety most of my life and my self-esteem has deffinately suffered over the years. I got my GED and I've gained some carpentry experience but never went to colllege. It's hard for me to be optimistic about the future regarding any aspect of my life, and these days I'm struggling more than ever with my depression. I know what you mean when you say you don't know how to be happy I don't even know what happiness is anymore. I'm not sure why I still wake up in the morning, because each day seems more of a waste than the last. I hope it is of some comfort for you to know there are other people out there who feel the same way you do, and as hard as it is at the time the only thing you can do is hold out some hope for the future somehow you'll find a way to get through things. I'm sorry I couldn't be more helpful, but I've heard some good advice in this thread and there are many people at WP who have much wisdom from a life of experience. I hope things get better for you.

Thanks Bob. Kinda helpful. I feel a little better the past day or so. I guess I'm in the "friend zone" now, have never done that before.

Ugh this isn't getting much better. I really don't like life or myself and I have no reason to believe things will change.

I don't feel I have accomplished much in my life either, including dropping out of college due to anxiety, having only 1 real job and suffering from bouts of off and on depression.

I still hold out hope that things will change if I work towards them.

I started somewhat late as well as far as relationships compared to all of my "friends". I always thought in a sense.. its a blessing if only because i've never seen anyone start early and have anything good come out of it. Single parent households, early divorce, abuse etc.

People are immature at a young age and hormones are just a mess. Life isn't a guarantee.. but 25 is a very good age. Its not old enough to sit on your butt, but old enough to enjoy your youth and make waves.. this is just an opinion.

As far as relationships go.. Initiating one is a lot of work in this society.. at least as far as getting what you want out of it as far as peoples expectations. I probably only managed because of online dating.

That said.. maybe you can try and find someone who you can just be friends with and take it from there.

Anyway sorry if nothing I said helped, just sounded like you were down with your last post but you may have just been venting.

Ugh I felt better for a while but am now back to feeling bad. Talked some things through with my therapist and it makes sense but I'm just bad at feeling better.

Here's something longer I've written about the past 2 years.


I guess I'll just be honest here. Probably too much so.

So it's been 2 years since my life went off the rails more or less. That was when I attempted suicide and was unconscious for 30 hours before waking up in the hospital.

I was always kind of goal oriented in my life and I had a hard time dealing with college turning out to be useless for me. I really didn't like working at Kroger's so that didn't help.

Ever since I've been pretty directionless, still had a lot of problems with depression, and haven't known what to do. I have a hard time not blaming myself for everything and it's pretty frustrating.

I really don't like being jobless, living with my parents, being perpetually single, etc. It's all really irritating to deal with and I feel like I'm caught in a cycle.

I don't think some people really get how either Asperger's or depression work. It's very unpleasant having both of them. They aren't one of the smarter people I know, but I know someone who doesn't get the idea of depression as an illness compared to "how you feel when bad things happen." I also hate how anxiety-prone I am.

The mental health field is also hard to deal with, a lot of doctors who don't know much for how much training you need to be a psychiatrist, a lot of people who prescribe the wrong meds, etc.

Ugh, so many things need to change.