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I just don't care anymore.

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Sweetleaf
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07 Dec 2011, 2:30 pm

I am going to wear these in public today, because I'm too lazy to do my laundry:
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marshall
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07 Dec 2011, 5:06 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
marshall wrote:
Well, I still think changing your life circumstances could help with your depression. Also, I'm not sure what you mean by giving in to the machine. I don't think everything in society is wrong and evil. Seeing things so dire and black and white isn't good.

I understand how you feel though.

I've been feeling incredibly sh***y about my life and the world in general the last couple days. I felt explosive yesterday and now I have a nervous lump in my chest that won't go away.


I fail to see anything good about this society.....so why would I want to be part of the machine? There is no way anyone can convince me this is a positive society, there is no amount of meds that can convince me of it either. There is really no other way for me to see it, because this does not come from me feeling bad and trying to rationalize why its just what my experiances and obsevations have led me to belive.

I guess they could give me ECT to create holes in my memories, but I would never volunteer for such a thing.

There are co-ops, non-profits, and family owned shops you could work for. Also, even if society as a whole is not good, that doesn't mean all people are bad. The people who want to make things better are also part of society.

Maybe there are books you could read or films you could watch. Not feel-good fluff but good literature that touches on the negative as well as the positive when it comes to human nature and society.



Sweetleaf
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07 Dec 2011, 10:57 pm

marshall wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
marshall wrote:
Well, I still think changing your life circumstances could help with your depression. Also, I'm not sure what you mean by giving in to the machine. I don't think everything in society is wrong and evil. Seeing things so dire and black and white isn't good.

I understand how you feel though.

I've been feeling incredibly sh***y about my life and the world in general the last couple days. I felt explosive yesterday and now I have a nervous lump in my chest that won't go away.


I fail to see anything good about this society.....so why would I want to be part of the machine? There is no way anyone can convince me this is a positive society, there is no amount of meds that can convince me of it either. There is really no other way for me to see it, because this does not come from me feeling bad and trying to rationalize why its just what my experiances and obsevations have led me to belive.

I guess they could give me ECT to create holes in my memories, but I would never volunteer for such a thing.

There are co-ops, non-profits, and family owned shops you could work for. Also, even if society as a whole is not good, that doesn't mean all people are bad. The people who want to make things better are also part of society.

Maybe there are books you could read or films you could watch. Not feel-good fluff but good literature that touches on the negative as well as the positive when it comes to human nature and society.

I never said all people were bad.....but that does not mean there is anything positive about this sh*tty society.


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Belushi87
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08 Dec 2011, 1:29 am

i know what you mean. I just don't care.



Sweetleaf
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09 Dec 2011, 12:26 am

This probably sounds pathetic but I'm so depressed its even hard to get drunk......so unfair, that's probably the least of my worries though but still frusterating.


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Belushi87
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09 Dec 2011, 12:55 am

i just want to live my life the way i want to live it and not have my parents get on my case about everything. i want to move out, far enough that i dont see them, let alone talk to them.



The_Perfect_Storm
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09 Dec 2011, 2:55 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
I am going to wear these in public today, because I'm too lazy to do my laundry:
Image



Don't do it OP! Those can only make things worse.

You should speak to a professional about whether your mom has the ability somehow to hospitalise you. I doubt you're going to have much of a defense if she tries to convince everyone you're violent or psychotic or something.



Dox47
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09 Dec 2011, 4:23 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
This probably sounds pathetic but I'm so depressed its even hard to get drunk......so unfair, that's probably the least of my worries though but still frusterating.


I actually know what you're talking about, though for me it's wanting to play a videogame but it just seeming like too much effort... Crappy cold weather doesn't help, staying cooped up in the house feels comfortable, but it makes you feel more pathetic after a while. Forcing yourself to groom and look your best, even if you're not leaving the house, can be a helpful start in feeling better. I know I feel better when I look better, depression is in many ways a feedback loop and anything you can do to disrupt the cycle can help start the movement in the opposite direction.


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Belushi87
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09 Dec 2011, 4:26 am

its weird because i have a urge to go out, but once i'm out in public and try in interact with people, all i want to do is go home and sit on my computer



marshall
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09 Dec 2011, 11:00 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
This probably sounds pathetic but I'm so depressed its even hard to get drunk......so unfair, that's probably the least of my worries though but still frusterating.

So sorry. :(

When it's that bad for me there's not much I can do but wait it out. I almost compare it to the mental equivalent of being nauseous. Even the thought of things that would normally make me happy makes me feel more miserable, like the thought of sweet food when you're sick.

Don't know what else to say. It's not easy.



Sweetleaf
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09 Dec 2011, 11:16 am

The_Perfect_Storm wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
I am going to wear these in public today, because I'm too lazy to do my laundry:
Image



Don't do it OP! Those can only make things worse.

You should speak to a professional about whether your mom has the ability somehow to hospitalise you. I doubt you're going to have much of a defense if she tries to convince everyone you're violent or psychotic or something.


I already did, and I even went into a liquor store and bought alcohol wearing those....I don't care what people think of my attire and it was cold outside so what was I supposed to wear. And yeah my mom would not be able to convince anyone of those things very easily I am not all that violent at all and aside from the unusual visual distortions I get sometimes I don't think I am quite psychotic enough to warrent hospitalization. I don't really think she can do anything like that I just get paranoid about it.


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Sweetleaf
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09 Dec 2011, 11:22 am

marshall wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
This probably sounds pathetic but I'm so depressed its even hard to get drunk......so unfair, that's probably the least of my worries though but still frusterating.

So sorry. :(

When it's that bad for me there's not much I can do but wait it out. I almost compare it to the mental equivalent of being nauseous. Even the thought of things that would normally make me happy makes me feel more miserable, like the thought of sweet food when you're sick.

Don't know what else to say. It's not easy.


Well I can drink, it just does not seem to do anything lately......and today I should really clean my room but I don't feel like it.


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Sweetleaf
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09 Dec 2011, 11:24 am

Belushi87 wrote:
i just want to live my life the way i want to live it and not have my parents get on my case about everything. i want to move out, far enough that i dont see them, let alone talk to them.

Yeah that's kinda how I feel, except my dad is much more tolerable than my mom so I don't care if I end up having to live with him due to not being able to afford my own place he's not going to stop me from living the way I choose.


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09 Dec 2011, 11:26 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
This probably sounds pathetic but I'm so depressed its even hard to get drunk......so unfair, that's probably the least of my worries though but still frusterating.


Alcohol is the worst thing for depression, stick with weed if you feel you need to take something. But pace yourself with that also. Tolerance can creep up on you with the weed, then you will find yourself smoking the stuff like crazy and not getting what you want out of it. Trust me, I've been down that road.

I suggest taking a deep look inside yourself and asking yourself what you honestly care about. There has to be something, even if it's just a shred of something. And latch on to it and pursue it.

Also try to find ways of becoming completely independent of those family members who you disagree with. Give them as few reasons as possible to manipulate you. I can't put my finger on it, but I always sense a passion in your posts, I can tell you are a strong independent person, you won't let the world tell you how to live, believe in that.

Hang in there sweetleaf, the path gets really dark sometimes, but keep trudging.
And to quote Metallica, 'Damage inc.'... "Go against the grain until the end."


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Sweetleaf
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09 Dec 2011, 11:36 am

pete1061 wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
This probably sounds pathetic but I'm so depressed its even hard to get drunk......so unfair, that's probably the least of my worries though but still frusterating.


Alcohol is the worst thing for depression, stick with weed if you feel you need to take something. But pace yourself with that also. Tolerance can creep up on you with the weed, then you will find yourself smoking the stuff like crazy and not getting what you want out of it. Trust me, I've been down that road.

I suggest taking a deep look inside yourself and asking yourself what you honestly care about. There has to be something, even if it's just a shred of something. And latch on to it and pursue it.

Also try to find ways of becoming completely independent of those family members who you disagree with. Give them as few reasons as possible to manipulate you. I can't put my finger on it, but I always sense a passion in your posts, I can tell you are a strong independent person, you won't let the world tell you how to live, believe in that.

Hang in there sweetleaf, the path gets really dark sometimes, but keep trudging.
And to quote Metallica, 'Damage inc.'... "Go against the grain until the end."


Yeah I know that but when I don't have and cannot afford cannabis, there is not much else that gets rid of the mental torment, I am looking into herbs/plants that might help though. There are a number of powerful plants and herbs with varying effects so I am sure I could find something that makes me feel better.


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marshall
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09 Dec 2011, 1:48 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Belushi87 wrote:
i just want to live my life the way i want to live it and not have my parents get on my case about everything. i want to move out, far enough that i dont see them, let alone talk to them.

Yeah that's kinda how I feel, except my dad is much more tolerable than my mom so I don't care if I end up having to live with him due to not being able to afford my own place he's not going to stop me from living the way I choose.

I'd say go for it then. Your mom might be worried but she has to understand that you have to do what helps you first and that probably means being more independent. I'm sort of in the same spot right now, stuck living with my parents and bored out of my mind due to depression.