Being divorced, wife still happy to spend my money

Post Reply New Topic

The worst advice I ever received regarding my divorce came from well-meaning people.

I think that it is safe to assume the same here.

Get a lawyer.

And you are divorced, so really make sure to ask the lawyer before contacting any private investigator as well.

Get a lawyer.

Anybody who acts as their own legal representative has a fool for a client.

Wow, didn't expect all of that!

She wants to split, continually refuses to do anything like couples therapy or anything, as it's utterly pointless, yet she still has done nothing at all to get on with her life as a single mother. Something must be really helping her pull one over on herself if she thinks it's OK to spend the money I earn. We are (currently) VERY keen to be super amicable about it all and stay friends. No idea if that's possible really, but it's a nice thing to aim for.

All the while we are a couple working together, of course she can spend my money, as it's our money. But surely as soon as there is no "us" it surely must immediately be "my" money again, 100%. I would not try to "kick her out" or anything, but if you wanted to split from someone, wouldn't you want to reject their money? I'm not good enough to love, but my money is?

I own our house, all in my name... well I mean the huge mortgage is in my name. No where near solicitors yet, I am still desperately hoping something will click in her head and make her think twice. I mean, I can't (and maybe with my AS hat on..?) can't understand why you would be so so unwilling to even TRY to explore options that could leave us together and happy. If you're at a crossroads and have the opportunity to pull your family apart, or stick it back together, doesn't it make sense to at least explore the options openly? What will happen will happen but you shouldn't die wondering surely.

I may well post the back story, but for now, i'm just f*****g angry / confused about what I'm being taken for...

Oh and personal investigators are kinda overkill... she's going on a weekend in amsterdam for a mums internet meetup, it's not suspicious. Just... f****d up.

Maybe you could ask her what she lacks in the relationship?

Are you in Scotland, by any chance?

Have to say, from what little you've said, I can understand the bit about not being interested in couples counselling. By the time I got to the end of my rope in my marriage it was well beyond counselling.

OP, i'm sorry to hear of your situation - that really sucks but she seems pretty certain that she doesn't want to reconcile. it's *both* of your money right now (not just yours, in spite of the fact you earned it), so she can spend it however she wants - you really have no control over that, just like you didn't have any real control over it a month ago or whatever before this decision was made.

in the eyes of the law, nothing had changed right now just because a decision was made - you're still married and living together. if you want the financial recklessness to stop, separate and then get a divorce.

overall, men end up financially better off after divorce than their ex-wives, even in spite of alimony and child support, so don't worry too much about that part. some men have a tendency to exaggerate the supposed hit that men take, but it's really not the case on average. some individual situations end up with different results, but overall it's women that take a hit.

What triggered you to have this inappropriate chat really?, doesn't seem the lack of self confidence is the root cause?

sorry i don't have better advice than that.... really it might be time to get the legal stuff rolling... (((hugs)))