Is there anything I can do about my mother's life of hell?

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I don't know if you've done this yet, but before considering a move down South you may want to check out the property prices. Both buying and renting property tends to be a lot dearer down here than it is up North. Somewhere like Cambridge might be do-able although more expensive than Durham, but if you haven't looked at the London market yet you are likely to get a shock.

As far as moving out in general goes, you haven't mentioned anything in your posts that would suggest you can't look after yourself. It is possible there are issues you haven't mentioned of course, but at the same time nobody moving out for the first time does everything perfectly to start off with (why do you think university students have such a reputation for being messy and disorganised?).

I can't imagine moving directly to the South from my parents' house -- I'd probably want to rent a place near my current job for maybe 6 months first, to get a feel for independent living. (And of course, in that period I could continue to take my mother for her shopping...)

The only reason I'd want to go South is if I was able to get a considerably higher income there than here in the North. I'd probably only consider London if I got something like a quant position (which as I have a PhD in a mathematical subject plus a few years of commercial programming experience, seems like it could be a possibility -- at least according to this thread...)

Would I be right in thinking that £25k/year in the North East would be like £30k/year in Scotland or the M62 corridor, £35k/year in the Midlands, £40k/year in the non-London South, or £50k/year in London?

The problem is, how do I convince my parents that I could look after myself? Especially with respect to those nervous behaviours I previously mentioned...

In answer to your first query, I would advise doing some research into property prices and areas prior to planning a move down south. There is plenty of information available on the internet. Many people in the north labour under the false assumption that we're all rich down here because we have expensive property, whereas very often the reverse is true because so much of our income goes in keeping a roof over our heads. However, if you are well qualified and get a good job I would not rule it out.

As far as convincing your parents you could look after yourself - often the best way to convince people of such things is to actually do it. If, for example, you were at your local pub telling people you were capable of getting a PhD they may or may not believe you. The fact you actually have one means that only a fool would argue with you. The nervous problems you have described here do not sound as though they would disqualify you from being able to live alone although, as I said previously, there may be more going on that you have chosen not to mention.

Would it be possible to move out without burning all bridges with your parents? Would they be willing to have you back if things did not work out? Many parents would (although you might have to tolerate some "I told you so"s).

If any admins are reading this thread, could they move it to The Haven forum please? I think this isn't really the best forum for this thread...

As if things couldn't get any worse, I've heard the council want to remove everything (even the carpets) will need to be removed when the council replace the heating system some time next month! My mother's going to pieces....

I offered to hire a storage unit somewhere to put some of the stuff from upstairs (all our bedrooms are chocca) but she angrily replied "This is a council house, you're not paying for storage space! You seem to think MONEY can solve any problem, but you never want to give me any TIME or AFFECTION!"

I don't want to be used as an emotional punching bag!! !! !

[Moved from Members Only Discussion to The Haven on OP's request]

Thank you.

Back at the weekend I let slip (while playing Scrabble with her) that I longed to escape from my situation. I was taken aback when she responded "just go then if that's the way you want it! I'd be about £100 a week better off." I don't see why having more money would do anything about her loneliness issues? (Unless it's lack of money that's stopping her getting out, but she feels too ashamed to take more money from me, even if I offered it?)

More selfishly I feel a bit daunted by the amount of stuff I've got at home, if I did want to move. (I think we all have horrible problems with clutter where I live.) How come then when mentioned I wanted a black plastic bag for some old VHS videos (recorded from TV, not pre-recorded) I wanted rid of, my mother said "why get rid of them? They may take up shelf space, but not floor space..." I don't want to move away from my parents without first getting of as much of my unwanted junk as possible.

I wish I could understand more about how my mother thinks!