Living with another aspie :(

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LipstickKiller
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14 Mar 2012, 12:40 pm

DC wrote:
LipstickKiller wrote:
So now he stays at his house a couple of days a week. But all I feel is relief when he's gone, not so much that I miss him. My psychologist pointed out that I already do know I'm not in love with him. But can I get those feelings back? My mind has started to wander to other men. I'm not interested in anyone, but I have a longing inside me and my eyes are open. Ist there anyway to get back to what I used to feel for him?



I should ignore your psychologist unless he/she is an expert at autistic relationship councilling, they are projecting NT feelings and responses to stimuli onto you.


She's right though. I have known for a while I don't have romantic feelings anymore. She tells me to wait and see. She does work with autistic people so she knows the specifics of our problems. But I'm a woman too, not just an aspie.


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mds_02
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15 Mar 2012, 5:24 pm

Honestly, I think the best thing you can do at this point is cut the guy loose. Maybe there is a way to get the feelings back, I don't know, but I doubt it. Either way, all you're doing right now is preventing him from moving on and finding someone who really does want to be with him.

It's a sickening feeling, knowing that someone you love has lost their feelings for you. It damages you. And it certainly sounds like he knows, or at least suspects, that of you. Thing is, someone in that position usually cannot bring themselves to leave on their own. If you care enough to want what's best for him, you'll have to do it for him.

And wouldn't you rather be free to find someone you really want? Someone you can not just have, but maintain, feelings for? It can't be healthy for you to remain in a situation that seems to cause you nothing but stress.


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LipstickKiller
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05 Apr 2012, 11:50 am

An update for whoever is interested:

The relationship ended after my now ex-boyfriend discovered I'd been emailing a friend with in a romantic way. I had promised my psychologist to give it another week, but the issue was forced and we broke up. Itw as relaly rough at first. But now we're actually kind of getting along and are aiming to stay friends. At first he didn't get it at all, but he's made a real effort to understan and now he can see where things went wrong. I just wish he would've made the same effort a year ago, then we might have lasted.

I'm a few days into a new relationship. It has started off very slowly, in the sense that there are no demands or expectations. I voluntarily told him I consider us exclusive, but I've learned from my mistakes. This time it will go slow. He lives in a different town so we can only see each other a couple of days a week (or nights), which naturally slows down the relationship. I have no intention whatsoever of moving in with him.

Unfortunately, I lost my psychologist for a while. She's on personal leave, something about her family, so I'm fending for myself now. But I have a much greater sense of clarity and I will continue with the exercises she tought me. What the future holds I don't know, and I'm working hard on not worrying about it either.


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Kjas
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05 Apr 2012, 8:01 pm

Sorry it didn't work out for you. *hugs*

I hope you have better luck with the new guy.


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