Killing myself later tonight

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They're on my papers, never really posted them online but I was considering it today actually. I really keep all this stuff to myself...I have changed so much in the past, idk, 8 months.. I had a job & stuff but I said f**k it and quit. I learned to socialize alot better & even flirted once in awhile...had my moments obviously, but that comes with being an Aspie =/ this REALLY hot girl flirted with me once & I said something so stupid, blew it. Anyways erm I hope I can meet like minded people there..maybe I will wait and if I fail at that I can kill myself...like give myself a year to shape up or its time to close the curtains.

Idk what's wrong with me, I think I'm crazy to a degree. You guys ever feel crazy? I don't talk much but when I do I will say random things that will throw people off...or I will judge something they said & make a point which makes them hate me. Like say someone has a Hollister shirt on I will call them an unoriginal conformist, I'm such a dick...I can't help it though most people are so damned stupid, seriously... I'm also a bad influence because I've always been a trouble maker/rebel, so alot of things I say can seem extreme to some people. they don't get me at all.

Also listen to alot of indie/punk/post/classic rock, and I mean alot...probably listened to every band you can name. (maybe not every but point is ALOT)

Well i know i use to have similar feelings but i realized i would loose. I know if i ever get to that point instead of ending it i would get a sailboat and sail around the world first after that i'd either keep sailing or come back to land depending how i felt.

Im currently living in an old farm house in a rural area so i can go for a couple of days without even talking. It gets lonely but i don't mind it to much. But there are times when i randomly get super loanly out here. Drives me nuts!

Have you thought about perhaps making friends on the web with those people who are similarly introverted? You can then take is as fast or as slow as you feel like, and they'll be in a similar place.

How do you cope with daily living if you don't go out much?

Yea i realized that death=nothing. I'd rather be miserable because thats better than nothing. I'd rather live another 50 years and read one good book or in my case learn something new about space. Luckily for me though things are great so hopefully i won't have to think about death to seriously.

Have you read any novels by Irwin Shaw? Bread Upon the Waters, The Top of the Hill, Voices of a Summer Day, Evening in Byzantium. I think they're pretty good and under appreciated.

Now, songwriters are kind of the philosophers of the modern age. Much more widely listened to that quote-unquote philosophers.

Why are people so stupid? For the longest time, I thought about this. People don't seem to understand the significance of things. Learning about the spectrum, does help, but only to a degree. So, it's kind of like I'm more serious-minded than most people.

The lonelies kind of hit me hard, too, at unexpected times. And I might know what you mean, too much day-to-day contact with your family, and then wanting to keep them at arm's length?

Now, most jobs suck, obviously, you know that. And most volunteer stuff, the person organizing it is more interested in staying organized than actually getting things done, something like that. But if the question is meaningful things and possibility of contact with others between now and May, I bet people here could pitch some pretty good ideas. Political activism, I've gotten some out of it but often disappointing, but above and beyond that, I bet there's stuff. Let people pitch, give them that opportunity.

Don't kill yourself.

HEY! the 1% are the jobmakers!! !

You're welcome. I got a lot out of his stuff, but of course it's kind of like a moon beam that has to hit you at the right time.

You like the libertarian philosophy Ron P. advocates? And yeah, I think the 1% certainly unduly influences the game, including the 'money primary' which determines who are and are not the 'serious' candidates. And hey, I kind of got the idea earlier on that you were British when you referred to your 'mates.' It's okay, we certainly can use other people interested in our politics and can learn from what they do in the UK, Australia, etc. Just as other people can learn from us. (For example, I think the U.S. was one of the first countries to come up with earned income credit, since copied by some other countries)

What do you think of pro-Spectrum activism?