If I gotta kill myself to avoid loneliness, so be it

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I know. But have you ever dealt with sort of crap? Watching people succeed where you wish you could? Being bombarded with couples while you gotta be alone. Death is easier than loneliness. But what ain't? Nothing on this planet could ever make me wish that I were lonely. EVER. I ain't saying I'll kill myself but I hate loneliness and would do anything to avoid it.

But entering a relationship just to relieve you of loneliness is not right. It is probably why the right person is not coming to you yet. It would be interesting to try and understand why loneliness is such a burden. Once you deal with the issue, a potential relationship can be built on the right basis.

Maybe. But living without a sense of belonging (even if I don't have a GF) is painful. The death wishes are coming back as well because I'd like to eliminate whatever keeps me single and keeps me from finding a sense of belonging!

Friend, a sense of belonging can't come from another person. What you're looking for is someone else to give you a reason to live. You've probably heard this already, but it's so true, you need to have that on your own before any relationship you enter can be really good for you.

When I depended on someone else for my own sense of belonging, self-worth, reason to live, etc. (like I did until a few years ago), that's called by many a co-dependent relationship. I needed her too much, and if you go down that same road, you'll either suffocate her, be insanely jealous of her, or let her run your life, suffocating you in the process (or all of the above).

That's my bad marriage. I felt like you until I met this woman when I was 22 (a starving musician) and she was 38 (an upper middle-class divorcee x3), got engaged a month later, and got married a month after my 23rd birthday - 4 months after we'd first met. After 2 years it was hell. After 4 years I knew it would never get better (she wasn't interested in letting go of her control). Only after 12 years did I learn to value myself enough to divorce her - after losing the best years of my life to her.

I know my 1st post was super-long, but please read it. It's your story as well as mine! I think these questions you have would truly be best answered by a therapist, but that's for you to decide. And if the suicide thoughts are getting more persuasive, get help now! Suicide is usually an impulsive act when people are in pain. Normally you don't want to die, right? Be well friend!

Can you explain why you feel you do not belong? How it manifests? If you want to eliminate it, I believe you have to understand it first.

I've chosen to end it. If I end up paralyzed or unable to walk, talk, and move, it'd be easier than watching things keep going the opposite of my way. I hate watching people find significant others while feeling incapable of having the same joy. Life is nothing but a stupid joke. It provides nothing positive. Killing myself is the answer. Life is not for me. Never has been, never will be. If I could eliminate what is beyond my control (that doesn't go my way), I would. But instead, i'll do what is WITHIN my control. Killing myself it is.

i can relate to everything you've said. i felt so much better after getting my cats.
there are other things in life besides a relationship. dont you have an obssession? or if you dont find one. get yourself a goal, a challenge, write a book about asperger syndrome or about your life experience.
you can find love in the places closest to you. dont you have cousins, nephews? my nieces are my best friends and i went with my eighteen year old niece to the zoo yesterday. she told me about her plans for the future and her dilemmas. it was fun.
you can try dating an aspie girl, how about that? there are places, like aspie affection, or you could look on the internet.
pains and depressions come and go. but once you're dead it's irreversible. i know this woman who told me her fifteen year old niece committed suicide years ago, and now it doesnt leave her, that pain of losing her.
i think maybe you should call the suicide hotline.

Thanks for the help all of you but there've been similar threads about this. Threads that are making me hate having AS and making me feel powerless to make the loneliness go away. If killing myself is the only way I can make it go away, so be it! Death is easier to handle than loneliness!

You are young, and judging by your picture, attractive. And articulate, at least in print. You definitely could get a cute girlfriend, you just need to try more girls or methods. Just FYI before you kill yourself you should know that. I would also try to make more friends, putting everything into a relationship is a dangerous gamble.

Your biggest problem is how depressed you are and your negative attitude. Medication worked for me, it could for you. Worth a shot before suicide, right?

mer, even though I feel the same way right now...death is stupid, so don't do it

[EDIT} Nevermind.