Need help! I lost a friend and I don't know what happened!

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Okay im just going to give my thoughts on the original post
First of all you need to prepare yourself, for the possibility that you will have to move on, Im NOT saying its the only option
but making it an option would make things easier for you, if she have decided to end everything for good.

I would not say that it is your fault, as you know some mistakes happened, but its not your fault! She could also have handled things better. Especially just shutting you out for 4 months, thats just not okay, no matter who you are its going to mess with you if somebody just ends a friendship/relationship for no reason and drops all contact.

Anyways, if it was me, I would not ever write a letter, first of all its way too easy to throw it out and not get any answers, also its too easy to make it wrong, its hard to write a good letter and even harder in this case.
I would call her, once! Before I called I would write down some things I wanted to say, just to not draw a blank if she picks up.
The call would be a one time thing, just one try to see if she answers. It will let her know you want contact but without being too personal by showing up, or too easy to ignore in a letter. Also because I am not you, and I am pretty sure you wont give up even if she doesnt pick up, DO NOT CALL EVERY DAY! that had to be in capital.
If you decide to try more than once, do it once a week.
give yourself a number of chances if they run out, stop and move on. I would say a month is good, 4 weeks 4 calls. she will notice but probably not be creeped out by it.

One last thing, you dont actually need to read this I just have to say something about the two friends telling her secrets!
I cant even explain how mad it makes me when people do that, I hate lying but I actually hate people who cant keep silent even more, I trust people until they prove me wrong, so if something like that happened they would have been torn a new one because of it. I actually get the message she send because of it, but I have just found that you never know when you are ready for a relationship, and if surprised things sorta happen different than you would expect.
Just had to say something, that situation really annoyed me.

I don't think you did anything wrong - you were honest and respectful. As a girl who also has the tendency to hibernate and shut off in the event of nonreciprocal attraction, I think your friend could have handled the situation with more care. The fact that she didn't is why you should forget about her.

Caring about people - and showing them how much you care - is not a flaw. You come across to me as a great friend. Finding someone in class who actually appreciates your consideration shouldn't be too difficult.

I am going through this exact sort of situation at the moment with someone from my college with the slight difference being she is aspie too. I am not at the four month stage yet (only eight weeks since the events that happened) and it is incredibly difficult for me to cope with all that is going on. Finding this has helped me to realise that I am not alone in this and that there is a point where things will get better (anything is better than what I go through in my head each week at the mo)

My guess is she will not welcome a phone call or letter from you. If you try to contact her, you will end up feeling more pain because she rejected you again and you won't get any closure. I don't think explaining your behavior to her or apologizing or asking to be friends again is going to do anything because your behavior did not cause her to end the friendship. It is her emotions. She feels guilty because you like her more than she likes you. What you are doing wrong is continuing to try to initiate contact with her after she has requested that you leave her alone. You keep making her mad when you contact her because any contact with you reminds her of how guilty she feels. My guess is you will never be more than acquaintances. You will never be close friends again. She will not let you in. She does not trust you because you keep violating her requests for space.

I have had similar experiences. I am in a similar situation right now. We are still "friends" but her behavior indicates that she no longer wishes to be friends. Because she said that she still wants to be friends, I am still in contact with her. However, I feel like the contact is unwelcome. I feel that she was being polite when she said we can still be friends. I am kind of angry because she initiated the romantic stuff with me and as soon as I decided I was willing to reciprocate, she got all uncomfortable and backed away. Nevertheless, that is the hazard of male/female friendships when a romantic attraction occurs. Many times it spells the end of the relationship. It is sad because you miss the friendship as well as the prospect of a romantic partner. Usually, if it is just a romantic relationship, the feelings aren't as intense (at least for me). There isn't an expectation of continued contact if the romantic feelings go way. You know from the start that sex and romance are what you wanted out of the relationship, not friendship. No sex and romance, no need for the relationship. With friendships that turn into romantic relationships, it is much more confusing. How do you separate the friend role from the romantic role?