I'd kill myself...

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Screw your brother. Some people want to yank other peoples chains for sh!t and giggles. My own mother told me she wished she never had kids about 3 days before she died. Mom wasn't demented, just bitter and angry at the universe. Most of the perceived slights against her were her own doing. Thanks for the quality bonding moment before you cacked, mom.

Anyway....

I don't know where you live, but psych hospitals aren't totally horrible if the alternative is worm burps. I've had probably 10 inpatients stays and 8 outpatient tours of duty. Now, private psych hospitals scare the crap out of me. All my stays (in the US) are on psych units in a regular hospital.

As soon as my job finishes in June, I'll probably do another outpatient program. I have a crap load of stuff I'm dealing with at home and work, and a drug overdose or a gun looks good. (NOT planning on doing anything immediate). My soul is shot to sh!t, and I have no family in the area.

I now know I could never own a gun. I would have used it yesterday. Too fast and too permanent for resolving situations. I have no self control or critical thinking skills when my moods bounce around like this.

Thinking of you......Tawaki

PastFixations, Tawaki hope you two are feeling better. I find it kinda funny I lost three friends to suicide, that sill hurt me when I think of them, but if it were not for my children I would be doing the same. I guess I must be thick headed to want to cause others one of the most painful losses imaginable.

That is where I am at now. I just have a really, really, really low pain threshold which is a big reason why I'm still here. I feel guilty because one of the only truly nice people I loved (in a friend sort of way) died a few months ago of cancer and I'd feel so sh***y throwing my life away when she would give anything to still be here. It is hard though. Sometimes I'm tempted to take up cutting, hoping it will at least help a little.

Joining this gang, I've now been waiting at least 12 years to go and spring into action my plan. Not complicated but quite sentimental and peaceful it is - I'm going the more drink and sleepers route. I had thought of going down London to buy something more quick and less painful but it's probably too dangerous these days.

Other than that, only 1 decent friend may get hurt because of it, but they've got a better network to rely on.

Meh, it may get better, it may not. Unless you have pets or people you have to care for, you don't have any obligation to continue living in the hope that one day things will change and you'll be glad of it. Not necessarily advocating suicide, but definitely promoting choices. Being peer pressured into throwing your options out the window just causes feelings of entrapment.
I've been sort of coasting through life, going to college and either acing classes or failing them depending on how much I hate living at the moment. May turn things around and fix my education, may give up and join the military since there's nothing else for me to do, may just kill myself. It's good having a plan B.

It is good that you know that people would be upset at your demise. Lucky you.

I loved that.!
I feel so... tired.
Gah...
Life is too long.

I feel the same way everyday.

Sometimes, I don't see myself living past 30 because I would have killed myself by then.

When I was 15 I tried it. Afterwhich I thought I would die by 23, at 24 I thought I'd last another 5 years or so. At 30 I decided by 40 I would be dead. I am 42 now.....

I keep setting myself goals to achieve. Work towards them and try to think about nothing else. At the moment trying to write a book.

There is an always an if, isn't there? I think that in itself, in these cases, is a wonderful thing. That can be built upon.

It's okay. really. it also does f*****g suck. big time. :*( you're not alone at least. and neither am i.

For me... this is really only a thing I hold because it (weirdly) keeps me striving to do more and not to end up in disappointment.
I can see that a majority of you feel the way you do and I do understand that but eventually you have to move out of that phase and strive and see what can be round the corner.
It doesn't cost to do that, it only takes time and effort to achieve a greater state of mind.

feel like that everyday but i made a promise to improve or try to improve my life before i do anything drastic if i still feel like that when my life is basically at its best then ill probably just jump off something tall.
Life is temporary death is permanent, the way i see it might as well see what all the hype about life is about before i end it.

I go through suicidal thoughts all the time. I had wanted to die on my 30th birthday, but decided against it. I have now decided not to do it until both of my parents have passed on. Then again, I have also decided to try and do something about my screwed up life before that time so that, hopefully, I won't want to do it when the time comes.

What I have done is take stock in what I have and don't have. I then tried to figure out where I wanted to be and what it would take to get there. After that, I drew up a game plan to follow in order to get me there. I'm now following that plan the best I can and so far it is working. I have fixed my credit, largely fixed my finances and started taking care of my health problems. I still have a lot to do but at least now I have a general plan to follow in order to get me there. I suggest you try the same thing. It may well be that your best first step is to check in to a good psychiatric hospital where you can be evaluated to try and figure out where your problems lie. After that, you will probably stay there a while to get used to any meds you may be perscribed. Then, you will be released with support. It's not a perfect solution, but it's better than death. With death it will never get better but with therapy there is a good chance it will.

Suicide is something I think of daily and have for a long time I'm 29 now, and was probably between 10 and 12 when I first started contemplating it. I am somewhat over my desire to kill myself, I just have a longing wish that I might die in my sleep. I hope everyone can find help if they need it, and realize that most problems have much less drastic solutions. I hope I can find something to make me have a desire to live, and I hope all of you can find something as well.