Wish I was never born with this cruel disease

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Hmmm, disease is such a harsh word for something thats not exactly a disease. Perhaps you mean condition?

I think you need a friend who you can be honest with about your worries. Someone you can be yourself around. Trying to put up a front every time you go out is stressful and exhausting. But if you have a friend you can confide in it will make you feel more relaxed when you go out and tell you whether you are being paranoid or if you really did make a faux pas.

You mentioned that a man fancies you, so obviously you are not a freak.

I have a few men that fancy me, and rightfully I should be happy about it, but then I get people (Aspie or NT) saying that they only fancy me because I look vulnerable, which is also damaging to my self-esteem. Can't somebody just be happy for me for once and help boost my self-image by saying ''well that's a good start'' or something helpful, instead of always making excuses and implying that I am an ugly freak that nobody really fancies?! (Not aimed at you, I'm just saying).

Dont listen to those people, there are always those who like to keep others down, either due to jealousy or to make themselves feel better. In my opinion you dont need people like that in your life and I personally have cut ties with people in the past for similar reasons. But I guess thats your prerogative and if they are family it could be difficult. Something to think about though.

You should feel happy anyway, I wish I had multiple people in the world who I knew fancied me

Well, people giving me inspiration does help, instead of making excuses that actually rub it in. I find something about myself to be proud of then somebody comes along and doubts me on that, then wonders why I beat myself up all the time. I'm not implying anyone has written anything to make me say this in any threads here, I'm just saying in general.

It's just that this whole being the one with a nuisance of a disability and nobody else has to suffer with it thing just eats at me. It really does eat at me. I don't like being odd, and being someone who fears rejection and humiliation doesn't help, and trust someone in my state to get social phobia, all because I've become so distrustful of myself. I just keep imagining what life would of been like if I was still born in my skin but just with a neurotypical brain. I would of had more friends at school, I may or may not of been popular but I would of fitted in better and been more liked because all the girls in my class all got on with eachother or had other friends elsewhere if they didn't get on with certain ones, but I was ''the weird one'' or ''the class freak'', which basically ruined my whole school life, and in my teen years some girls have said things that hurt me so much that I think that has part to do with my self-image because I have scars that will never heal. And I still get the same s**t now, even worse, from girls I don't even know. I catch girls laughing at me, and I never got this in school, I was just rejected by girls in my class but never laughed at, but now I even get laughed at and I don't even know why. And I am not going through all the describing the way I look and act again, I've done that so many times and it just makes my posts twice as long where I've got to explain in full detail how normal I dress and act to the NT standards, otherwise people here just throw excuses saying ''you probably do something unusual you don't know about'' or ''you think you know fashion and trends but you might find that you are wearing completely unusual things'' or ''NTs lie all the time so don't listen to any compliments they give you'' because that's not helpful at all. If any of you met me and spent a day with me out, then you will know what I mean and will also wonder how the hell I manage to get girls laughing at me.

listen to my music. I made it for you. It will help you. www.nibirunon.bandcamp.com