Please help - I'm getting kicked out of the house...

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Thank you, everyone, for the support.

I'm trying to finish my physics class as fast as possible without making mistakes. For what, I don't know, but I feel like when it's finished, part of my conscience will be cleared.

My mom is still not talking to me, and neither is my dad. He seems to agree with my mom to kick me out. They're both pretending that I don't exist.
I've tried apologizing and explaining why I lied (the reason is to avoid being yelled at or threatened, or even kicked out anyways, for not finishing my physics on time), but nothing works. I mean, what she said actually makes sense. The problem is I've lied to her before for the same reasons, and like the boy who cried wolf, she cannot believe me now if I promised her to change. All I want in order to be able to tell the truth is for her not to lose it every time I'm honest and tells her something she doesn't want to know. I don't blame her at all; this is a normal reaction. She claims that she wouldn't be so harsh if I admitted to her that I couldn't finish the class on time, but I've always been afraid that she'll blow up if I'd told her. Honestly, sometimes I think there is something not right about her too, but she is clearly in denial and I worry. She's planning to change the locks in the house once I'm gone, so that I'll never be able to come back again. She might even change her phone number, because she doesn't want me to contact her once I'm out of her life forever.

It's true though, I have taken my parents for granted. I barely even blinked when my mom nagged me countless times to do my homework and stop wasting time, stayed home from work to grade my SAT practice tests one summer, looked up information about colleges, and helped me with my college applications so that I'd be able to get into MIT. She and my dad were there to give advice and encourage me to be strong whenever I feel I can't handle things. They cooked especially delicious dinners for me, knowing that I'm about to go to college soon, and all they expect from me is to be grateful and successful. I've done none of these things; all I've done in return is lie to them and take it all for granted. I wish I can live my life over and not be born with this cruel condition called Asperger's. All the emotions and rationality, without the means to show it - pathetic. This is nature's punishment, I guess.

I don't have any family members to stay with, since the rest of them are all back in China. I have a few friends, but I haven't talked to them in a while and I'm not sure how they and their parents would feel if I told them about this. I was never very close to my friends.

I'm still as scared as I've ever been, and I barely got any sleep last night. I wish this would be over soon and everything can go back to normal.

I'm writing a long apology letter to my parents to let them know that I am sorry and how much I appreciate them. When I'm done, I'll put it on my mom's desk and hope she reads it.

I think she's bluffing. You didn't do anything that bad. I think it's to basically put the fear of God in you to make you straighten up. Call her bluff, find a friend to stay at and don't call for two solid weeks.

That's what I'd do.

Let me tell you a story of a boy who really messed up in college, so maybe you can get perspective. It's my husbands brother. Lets call him Jim. Jim went to a 4 year college and stayed on campus and was a theater major (but he's straight). He spent two years there and barely passed everything. What he learned in college was how to play backgammon and how to snort coke and also how to get into deep debt with the dealer.

At the end of the first 2 years he owed the dude 20 large. Plus his firebird was in hock (80's). The dealer was getting mad so my FIL had to fly up there, pay off the debt, get the car back, withdraw him from college and bring him back home. I'm sure that was a very awkward drive. From Va to Ala.

Then they sent him to trade school for air conditioning for two years. He did that for a couple years then quit to be a bug man and had to go to bug man school. He later quit that to be a health inspector and so had to go to health inspector school. He's a loser. He lost his house and now at 52 or something he lives with his mother to take care of her with his 20 yo son who is going down that same path as him.

Your parents are lucky. All you did was lie about schoolwork. It could be a lot, lot worse.

It's summer and if you truly have nowhere to go to, look up online to find the local bunch of Rainbow Family. Lots of them spend the summer in the woods. They welcome everybody. Be prepared though because it's 1968 in their camps.

Good luck! I wish you well!

It could be a bluff, good chance it is, but I wouldn't count on it if I were her. Best to prepare for worst case scenario. Their idea of "bluffing" might be toss her out for a month then reconsider, too. Or they may be dead serious. Some people are horrible to their kids.

Albirea, if it happens, don't blame yourself. You'll never convince me you deserve to be tossed out at 18 years of age because you didn't turn your homework in on time, and lied about it because you apparently get yelled at for every mistake you make. It's absurd to even suggest you deserve this, unless there's a WHOLE lot more you're not telling us.

Still, things happen, you have to deal with them.

You're worried about appearances here? This is like getting shot in the face and not going to the hospital because you don't want to bother anybody! Ok not quite, obviously, but it's the same sort of mentality. Actually maybe it's not that far off the mark, you don't sound like the kind of person who could survive on the street. Please don't be ashamed to ask people for help. If they can't that's one thing, if they won't then I don't think very highly of them at all.

You blame yourself too much, you're too nice. Don't start blaming others, its a very bad habit too, but you're going to have to become a little more assertive with people here, if they're going to go ahead with this. It sounds like you've trained yourself to always submit to others and be afraid of their reactions, maybe because your parents are mentally abusive with you (I can't judge without knowing them and you, but I do wonder if maybe that's the case). But not everyone is like that. There might be one or two who think less of you if you ask for help, most will be concerned but not willing to help, a few will gladly help you.

The letter is a good idea, who knows, maybe it will work. But I would start packing clothes and essentials. If they're bluffing they might back down when they see you doing this, if not, well, at least you'll be packed.

Good luck.

As others have already said - this is a massive overreaction on her behalf.

If I didn't know better I would say that she's is sick at the moment or has been recently (has she?) and is taking it out on you, coupled with her emotions affecting her judgment irrationally. It would explain a lot.

As for the practical things (from someone who's been in a similar situation) - starting looking for accomdation right now. Start looking for a casual or part time job too, and make sure your CV is immaculate. Pack one big bag to take with you - no more. You will probably do better at this than you expect, all you need to do to be successful at being independent is to be really proactive. That means when opportunities come up - you need to take them immediately. Procrastinate and you will struggle with this.

Either her emotions are affecting her judgement really badly, or she is bluffing. Either way - you need to get out of there for a while, once you do it will become clear which one it is and then you will know how to proceed.

Once she calms down she will realise what she's done, and you being gone is going to hurt her a hell of a lot more than it will hurt you. Use that time to your advantage. She can't force her expectations down your throat and then throw a spaz when you don't live up to them - that is not acceptable. From your previous posts, I know she takes her crap out on you quite a lot, and that needs to stop - and this is the perfect opportunity to make her understand that. Use it or lose it.

About the lying - kids do that, it's part of growing up and if she can't handle that then she shouldn't have had kids in the first place. This incident isn't entirely your fault, and neither is it entirely hers. Even if you apologise, she needs to as well. If you don't feel safe enough to express yourself without her flipping out, once you guys have a working relationship again - you both must focus on learning to communicate in a healthly manner with each other without trying to control one another or the outcome (because that is what is at the root of this entire mess). That includes putting aside the judgemental crap and the expectations until you figure out how to communicate - then you can sit down, discuss and agree to reasonable expectations together like adults, as equals. That also will mean you will have responsiblities to live up to and if you fail to do so, there will be consquences that you will have to deal with too (the ones you mutually discussed and agreed to).

Either there is something really wrong with your mom and she's just lashing out at you, or there is more to the story than reported here.

Sorry I couldn't provide an update last night, there was a huge storm that cut off our power for many hours.

The apology letter worked in getting her to talk with me. It turned out that she was serious about kicking me out if I didn't meet her (and to be honest, my) expectations. She expected more than just not lying - she expects me to change as a whole. Become less lazy, don't procrastinate, eat healthy, exercise every day, study the required subjects over the summer, practice the piano, and practice the cello for the MIT Symphony Orchestra audition, learn to cook, etc. That's a lot. But she's sure that if I can't have a productive summer, I can't do well at MIT. And she's not throwing away $60,000 a year for nothing.

We've come to an agreement. If I do everything as planned before MIT starts, then life would go on as normal and I'll go to MIT. But if I don't, she will kick me out at the end of summer and I'll have to work for a living. It's still a bit unfair, but my mom is overly strict, and that's how she works.

So, to make a long story short, everything is fine... for now.

Is this some sort of culture difference you aren't respecting? Weren't your parents born in China?

Yes, and I think that's it. Chinese culture values respect and loyalty/caring to one's parents and elders very much.

Everything's fine now, though.

For now. You will likely be held to a higher standard than if you had westernised parents. It will be a pain, but you will likely need to maintain those standards of behavior until you are on your own (ie, done with college and have a job and are no longer dependent on them).

Yes. Oh well, my parents cared about me (a bit too much, but I'm all the more thankful for that).

If you're capable of all those things that's pretty cool. But it sounds so all or nothing. It sounds like if it turns out you're not a prodigy, you get tossed aside. Wow. Different culture is right.

I suppose this is much more reasonable than just tossing you immediately with only a few days notice. Even a landlord can't do that, its illegal to evict a tenant without a couple months notice. I would consider a backup plan now that you have time, just in case you're not the overachiever they want you to be, so you don't get caught unprepared at the end of summer.

I am a little concerned. This seems like A LOT to me. I am married to an Aspie with a 12 years-old Aspie girl. I know you have to set one objective at a time. But she is setting like 12 objectives at a time. It does not sound like something achievable. Why don't you talk to her again and ask her to lower down her expectations a little? Or at least give you more specific objectives? "Become less lazy" is too vague, so it is "don't procrastinate" and "learn to cook". If it was me I would understand that by exercising every day you are becoming less lazy already. "Don't procrastinate" can be reduce to eliminate some specific words from your vocabulary. In learn to cook she can reduce it to learn to cook one meal, for example. Is she willing to teach you? That would be wonderful. I was teaching my daughter how to cook last summer. She had to prepare her lunch every day. At the beginning it was very hard because she did not want to stop playing to go cooking, specially every day at the same time. But after a while she was able to enjoy it. Now she knows how to cook several dishes, the ones she love. It would be specially nice if you two work together in an schedule to see if those expectations are reachable. Sometimes looking at it from the outside does not allow people to see how impossible the things they ask are. You should also lower down to only one instrument. She cannot pretend you will go from G to A in only one summer.

I can't believe your mum would do that just because of a progress report. If I were you I'd try to sit down and have a talk with her. Tell her basically what you just told us and try to work it out.

She might just be trying to scare you. I honestly don't think she'd take your dream of going to college away from you. Parents want their children to thrive not to fail and she'd only be against you if she did that.

If you do end up getting kicked out there are places that you can turn to. There are youth places out there that will set you up with an apartment and counselling, I think it's easier to get into these programs if you're a young girl as well.

Good Luck!

It may be a culture thing but wow, I feel for you. Don't your parents see how hard you struggle with AS whether you're diagnosed or not I'm sure they must see you struggle. It's not as if you came in pregnant or got arrested, it's a progress report.

Anyway, I'm glad it's over now and I'm sure they love you a lot, they just went about it the wrong way and I hope you realize that. Nobody deserves that. You already seem like such a hard worker. It probably makes you into a perfectionist to have such pressure on your back. Don't worry, all you can do is try your best and don't worry if you're not perfect. It might be better being in college getting a break from home and to start living your own life.

I wouldn't call it "fine"... the heat simply got turned down a bit. I never did approve of the "Asian Method" for driving results out of their kids by treating them like $#!t and only offering praise/love when they succeeded, thereby making their parents look good.
Small wonder the suicide rate is so high in those countries...