Disagreement with therapist

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CockneyRebel
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14 Sep 2012, 8:47 pm

Sweet Pea hugs

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katzefrau
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14 Sep 2012, 8:56 pm

The_Perfect_Storm wrote:

Avie wrote:

No, my family doesn't make me see him. And things had been going very well for two years. He's never been this aggressive before. I do know that he's been increasingly frustrated with me. He's unfamiliar with ASDs and specializes in personality disorder, mood disorders and addictions. I do have a mood disorder that tags along with my ASD, but I believe that was caused by abuse I suffered in my early life. He's always trying to read my body language, my tone, my face and trying to find "hidden messages" in my words. Sometimes I feel like saying, "You're looking for hidden messages? How about I start speaking in cryptograms; would that make you happy?" Egads...therapy isn't supposed to CAUSE this much angst.

Lol. Of course the guy that specialises in mood disorders says "you're not autistic, you just have a severe mood disorder".

All the evidence suggests this guy doesn't know what he's doing.

I concur. Sounds like a terrible therapist for someone on the spectrum. I've just started with a new therapist and told her straight away one thing that was terrible for me with my previous one was I never had any idea why she was asking me things, and it confused and frustrated me. I said I needed her (new) to explain where she was leading with questions. She said that was counter to what they're taught to do as therapists which is leave things vague to allow different possibilities to emerge. They are taught to be non specific, which I find confusing and useless. She said she had to learn to do things opposite what she had learned. I have to teach her how to work with me, which I think is a waste of stress and energy, but she says (and my last one said so as well) that will ultimately help me learn to communicate better with people unlike me.

I ramble but I think your therapist is wrong for you. You might find another that's not a perfect fit either, but if he / she believes in you and believes you, you might get something out of it, but having to prove yourself to someone who is ostensibly trying to help you is only going to cause you more stress and pain.

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Avie
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16 Sep 2012, 3:19 pm

That is interesting...I did not know that therapists were taught to be vague. It makes sense, though. It is a shame that people on the spectrum need to "retrain" their therapists to help them. Therapists should be trained to help people with all kinds of needs. It does make me wonder just how therapeutic therapy really is. Ah, there's my black-and-white thinking kicking in again. *eye roll* Ugh...just thinking about that is a trigger for me. Every therapist I've seen since I was five years old has had this weird obsession regarding this one trait. They focus on it to the point of excluding every other issue, including some that are of utmost concern to me. I can't find any reason why black-and-white thinking is bad. Except it makes me wonder why they have to call it black-and-white? That's kind of bland. Why can't they call it red-and-green? Orange-and-blue? Yellow-and-purple? Those are opposites on the color wheel, so they should apply. I'd better stop before I confuse myself.

katzefrau
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16 Sep 2012, 6:24 pm

Avie wrote:

yes, they should. but the focus in working with individuals on the autistic spectrum is on children, and then it is on teaching them social skills. it would be nice if people spent more time trying to understand us, so we could be comfortable in this world authentically as we are. When I get grumbly about this, I go read something by Tony Attwood. Or I watch videos of people on the spectrum who make me laugh.

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AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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16 Sep 2012, 8:06 pm

Avie wrote:

So far, I've seen four options I can take:

1) Cancel all my appointments and end therapy altogether.
I've done this with therapists before and it doesn't leave me with a good feeling. As honest as I am, I'm not an aggressive person. I genuinely care about how other people feel and don't like arguments. Still, it seems rather cowardly and adds to a destructive cycle. If anything good comes out of this at all, I at least want to end that cycle.

2) Go back for one more appointment, tell my therapist that what he said was rather cruel and then cease therapy.
There's a chance he was having a bad day. I wouldn't want to be judged like that because of one bad day out of at least 100 good ones. In two years of weekly therapy sessions, he's never behaved this way. Perhaps I should find out what he's got to say about it and go from there.

3) Go back, talk about what happened and see if the therapeutic relationship can be salvaged.
I'm inclined to try this one. I have a difficult time getting my point across while speaking, but writing is another matter entirely! Maybe I can bring in a written list of the things he said that upset me, why they upset me and ask him why he said them, and ask him to refrain from doing it again. Then, if that doesn't work, just say, "Well, thanks for all the good you've done for me, but I think this is as far as we can go. Good luck in all your endeavors."

4) I could go back, not bring it up and if he brings it up, say, "I'm over it."
Although it's an option, it's the one I'm least comfortable with, as it involves dishonesty. And, if I did this, it could happen again and I don't want this to EVER happen again.

I think (3) is good, with modest expectations. One thing, I kind of think NT people do not remember everything they say when they get angry. Then they later think, I'm a good person, I wouldn't have said that. Whereas they may well be a good person generally, but they may also have precisely said that.

So, whatever apology he's able to give, graciously accept it. And then consider in your own good time whether the therapy relationship is able to move forward in a productive way or like you say, "Well, thanks for all the good you've done for me, but I think this is as far as we can go. Good luck in all your endeavors."

And honest to gosh, I haven't had good experience with mental health professionals either. I pretty much think any helper with above-average listening skills such as people who advertise as life coaches, often for business professionals and entrepreneurs, or even personal exercise trainers as long as they're willing to listen and dovetail it for you, may be able to do better. They may not be so bogged down with as much theory as "psychologists." And they may be able to come up to speed on the Spectrum. And as part of a possible transition, maybe you could do both at the same time. And if it comes up with the therapist, perhaps just measured disclosure and say something like, it's something I'm trying out to see if it helps my life. And you certainly have a right to do things which help your life, too.

namaste
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17 Sep 2012, 11:56 am

Theraphy never worked for me.
Whenever i go for theraphy they keeping telling me i should start finding a job.
But thats what i have been telling them i am unable to continue in the job because i get bullied
They keep coaxing me that in one place if i was bullied not necessary i would be bullied everywhere.

Anyways if i had to work and keep myself occupied only then why spend money on a therapist
Here they barely entertain you and theraphy lasts only 1-2 sessions

Thats the end of it....i was sexually, physically and verbally abused and cant figure out how
1-2 session can help.

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namaste
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17 Sep 2012, 11:57 am

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League_Girl
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17 Sep 2012, 12:52 pm

Avie wrote:

I suggest you find someone who is familiar with ASDs and mood disorders. Not one of the other.

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17 Sep 2012, 1:07 pm

Avie wrote:

Black and white thinking is bad because it causes people to be closed minded, judgmental, expecting everyone to be like them. They think what they went through should be the same for everyone else. They make it an ASD thing but I see it more of a human thing and I see it all the time online. Like people may also think that just because someone with a disability who has birth defects in their feet can work eight hours a day on their feet should be able to be able to pick up after themselves at home and not be "lazy." They just don't see the gray and the gray area be their feet hurt more and more when they are on them longer and they have to rest them when they are home or else their feet be too sore for them to work the next day. It took me two years to understand this about my husband. Lot of people are black and white about disabilities. They see just because you can do something, they think you can do it all the time and that is why people with disabilities get so misunderstood, even us because people get stuck in their black and white thinking. That is why B&W thinking is bad.

Sorry to sound critical but I loathe the thinking because I have been hurt by it and every time I see it, it's never positive.

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Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.

Avie
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17 Sep 2012, 2:31 pm

No worries, League_Girl. I didn't feel you were being critical of me, in fact, you make a lot of sense.

Now that I have a clearer example of what it means, I see that many of my family members appear to exhibit it. For instance, my mother gets mad at me when we go to an unfamiliar place and I have difficulty acclimating. She says she thinks I'm putting on an act because I don't behave that way in my house. She thinks that since I can act "normal" in the security of my own home, I should be able to act "normal" in a crowded restaurant with loud music and fluorescent lighting, just like she does. She doesn't see the gray area, that I'm used to the input my own home gives me, but the same cannot be said for the unfamiliar highly sensory restaurant.

Now that I have a clear example of black-and-white thinking, I don't believe I do it as much as I've been lead to believe. When I'm given information, I process it logically, given the information I have. Ideally, I'd have all the facts prior to processing. Unfortunately, this is not often the case and I've learned to factor that in. When I'm in therapy and I'm telling my therapist about something that confused me, I'm only telling him about my initial thought process and then waiting for him to present any factors I may have missed. When he does (assuming my initial evaluation isn't interrupted), I reevaluate. Before I can tell him my reevaluation, though, he's already talking about my "black-and-white" thinking. I wonder, then, if he's doing black-and-white thinking, too. Maybe I'm not communicating with him correctly.

Nonetheless, thank you:) You've given me a lot to consider.

Avie
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17 Sep 2012, 2:54 pm

Quote:

I suggest you find someone who is familiar with ASDs and mood disorders. Not one of the other.

Very few things would make me happier than finding such a therapist!

Unfortunately, my medical insurance does not cover therapists who treat adults with ASDs. I called up the number on my insurance card and asked, but have been told "No, we don't cover that. Why would we? Only children are autistic." (This statement caused some irritation, but did not surprise me. I once spent 6 hours making calls to this company when I needed a reference for an ophthalmologist and they kept giving me names and numbers of optometrists.) So I figured, maybe the person on the phone was new, maybe he wasn't trained to answer such questions, who knows? So I got online and did my own research. Sure enough, there are therapists in my area that treat adults with ASD, along with mood disorders, but they do not accept my insurance. I'd love to get a different insurance, but this is the only thing I can afford. At least for now:) (I'm not losing hope that my circumstances will change.)

The_Perfect_Storm
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18 Sep 2012, 5:00 am

League_Girl wrote:

Black and white thinking is bad

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