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I'm a Christian - grew up in a church. I never heard that using a vibrator was a sin. I KNOW it's not in the Bible. I think if you think of your husband while you're using it, it's not a sin. Or even just think of your clitoris - as long as you don't obsess, eh? Shoot, it's UNHEALTHY to go without an orgasm every now and then. Dishonoring your body is a sin. Taking drugs when you don't need them is sin.

Your unkind husband not taking care of you is a violation of his vows. What's up with that? It sounds like he's using sex to manipulate you - and he works too many hours if he is indeed working. That he's no longer interested in sex should be a HUGE red flag for you. If it's not something medical, I would really look into this - if only to protect your own body. My ex fooled around and gave me an STD to deal with on top of trying to provide 4 kids with food and shelter. It could have been AIDS.

If you think reading romance stories is sinful, for sure, don't EVER read the Song of Solomon.

God created sex. If he didn't want us to do it, he wouldn't have created it. The hangups belong to mankind.

I'm sorry your husband is being such a jerk. I'll pray God fills him with desire for you and that he can act more human in the future.

Many Christians believe masturbation to be a sin.

I think you need to discuss and pray. There must be an option that respects your faith but doesn't require you to live in misery.

I'm not worried about an STD.......we use condoms for birth control b/c I basically have a blood transfusion every single month thanks to my non functional immune system. He told me he's worried about catching something from me......

he finally did take care of me tonight.......thank you for the prayers......he also told me that he's tired most of the time and can't wait for me to go back to work so he can cut his hours.

I think reading romance novels is the lesser evils.

90h at one job or two? If it's just to make ends meet I can undestand his frustration... and he's possibly mad at YOU for making it happen.

I remember a similar situation in my now-ended marriage. We were going under and needed more money just to make ends meet so I called a meeting for she and I to sit down and come up with options. She didn't suggest a single one other than me working more. I came up with about 6-8 options, some involved me, some involved both of us, some involved me not changing my job but her doing things...

...anything involving her at all she immediately crossed off the list. She flatly refused to work - not even babysit. I warned her flat out that the longer I work two jobs at 60-70h a week, the more resentful I'm going to get - she didn't care. All her girlfriends and mother agree - it was MY responsibility to make money - not hers. So she just continued to play with the kids all day, spending my money on fun things and doing almost NO cooking or cleaning at all, the kids didn't learn much either - certainly not the important life lessons needed to function well in society. *sigh*

So I really hope your story is NOT similar... if you're not working, you have no time excuse for staying in jammies all day looking frumpy and smelling bad (if you do.) If you can't contribute financially - be sure you're doing what you can (and that he knows you are.) 90h weeks will make anyone resentful!

And condoms with my own wife? I'd hate that! Good STD protection for you at least... if he IS being unfaithful.

I'm taking my A+ certification exam in a month and a half and at that point he's agreed to help me find a job.

I've gone back to school(and that was a fiasco was supposed to have my MA and get a good job this year) and sent out several job applications, went to vocational rehab to ask them to help me get a job, he is working two jobs, I run the company he started and do all the product inventories and shipping labels, do all the housework, school meetings,run an in home therapy program, doctor appointments(at one point our son had 13 food allergies and was on formula last year (he's 6) he now has four and the doctor thinks it 's the alternative treatments that did something+autism) and spend two-three hours a day cleaning the house and doing laundry. I'm up at 5 am daily and despite everything......I really do like it when he has sex with me it destresses me........and when he rejects me when I'm frightened and upset it just hurts........the money I've spent has been spent so that I can go back to work and not be sick constantly, take care of our children...............I don't buy make up, or lingerie, or perfume, or new clothes....I don't remember the last time I bought myself something pretty just the same gray flannel underwear my mom gives me every Christmas and the gray underwear she gives me for my birthday.....I patch up my own clothes....I drive the same old car I've driven for 7 yrs so we could get some medical testing done on our daughter. He's suggested I do sales, advertising/marketing, car sales, working with the public I know I would fail at those jobs..........I offered to do a CNA program. My mom has said similar stuff to what your ex's mother said........and I don't have any friends.......but sitting at home will drive me crazy.

I cook every day unless it's the day I have my IVIG. We are having financial problems.....but I've made several cuts. I try to look nice and we live within our budget now.

he is plain bored i guess
and maybe fantasies about his female sucessful, blond boss...
you cant help it much though.
you are doing a good job for yourself.
keep doing that and get your A+ being independent is important

my schedule is always the same and no I can't change it.......at least until I see the psychiatrist........

I have 3 restaurants that I'm flexible about going to. If I didn't believe it to be a sin I would ask for a separation.
He constantly tells me about how beautiful his boss is.......her clothes look perfect, she really knows how to put on make-up,
she wears nice jewelry. She is single and has no kids.

He's also left make up magazines where I see them.....

Have you tried simply sitting down with him and explaining everything, including your insucuritys about how he speaks of his boss. Explain everything and point out how things will change for the better once your working, But his attitude will have to change or things will simply have to end. I doubt he fully understands the state you're in.

As for the religion part, Am Roman Catholic. Personaly I'm a fan of the forgiving and understanding God. The typical wedding vows go along the lines of "to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part. " If he isn't living up to his vow you're not going against your religion should you split, but I don't think it'll reach that point if you both sit down and just talk it out with out holding anything back.

If you sin, You pray for forgiveness and my Religion atleast has taught that those who seek forgiveness shall have it. Sinning isn't the end all, It's part of Human nature the sense of doing something you shouldn't have. It's why faith plays a posistive role in many peoples lives for when they do something they think is wrong rather than let it brew or accept it as normal. They repent through prayer to relieve themselves of the sense of guilt and give themself the Belief of being able to resist doing it again.

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All that said, Americans are a completely different kettle of fish. It was accepted Creationism was just a tale infact I recall reading somewhere one of the Popes Originaly accepted and praised the Idea of Evolution. Then one of the American groups decided, Feck it Creationism happened!! Darn puritans.

I wrote him an email.......as he rejected me again.......

I basically told him if he continues to do this it is considered a sin. I also told him he could sleep upstairs to lessen any desire I might feel. That when I want sex from now on that I am going to verbally ask him with no physical contact and if he says no and leaves me no verbal agreement as to when we can have sex that I am free to take care of myself in a way I deem appropriate without him and as he has left me no viable options and he has fully approved and consented to whatever I do. Further that he has no right to say anything about this being a sin as he has rejected me and I asked him point blank what the problem is. I'm done with the searing embarrassment and pain this is causing me.

At one point I had a vibrator but unfortunately he had a giant fit and forced me to throw it out. At this point I think I am justified in taking care of myself and if he doesn't like it it is his problem. Also if he wishes to complain to our minister about this he can go ahead and I don't care as I will state that I have come to him repeatedly and he has repeatedly said no.

It's not a sin to live separably if the conditions are abusive.

The sin would be getting remarried.

yeah unfortunately I do have a high sex drive. I also live in a very conservative area and feel like crap about it as other women's husbands are very affectionate with their wives and I just would like some affection too. My husband thinks it's part of my autism that my sex drive is messed up. Ideally I've told him I'd like to have sex 2-3 times a week if he can manage it. He'd like to have sex once a month. I've about come to the conclusion I must be bad in bed, unattractive, boring, and that he's no longer interested in me. I've asked him twice for sex this week......once on Monday and early this morning. We actually did have sex on Tuesday.

I don't approach him daily aside from one week a month and we know that that particular week is the one week a month my sex drive is up and that is tied in to my hormones. The rest of the month is really very manageable and I seldom ask for sex the rest of the month.

I'd just like someone to hold me and feel very sad, unattractive, and lonely.

Sorry but your full of sh**. None of what you state is a "Sin" if such a thing as a sin even exists.[/quote]

My religious faith is mine and are the rules by which I try to live my life. I honestly don't think I should do something which I consider wrong morally. My morals and religious faith aren't up for debate and telling someone they are full of s**t when they've stated they feel like crap and are hurt is a mean thing to do. I guess you're too young to know it but there is a saying what goes around comes around and in the haven people come for support and I don't consider it a damn bit supportive to tell someone they are full of s**t. I would never tell someone that someone's religious beliefs are s**t as I think everyone has the right to their own opinions and it's not my job to cram my faith down anyone's throat but I expect others to respect my right to have my own opinions without shoving their s**t down my throat.

The issue I've been discussing just to clarify is the fact that my husband 2/3 of the time rejects me and I feel miserable about it. I respect hearing other people's opinions(this is a forum and I'd be an absolute idiot if I didn't) but I didn't open myself up for a personal attack on my religion.