Reasons to die versus reasons to live

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I would prefer Utopia ~shrugs~ Why are laws and rights needed in the first place? No one needed to tell me "don't harm another being", I still didn't do it. Was kinda very logical not to inflict pain to another being when I had absolute no need to. And I'm the emotionally challenged one, imagine that.
Nature might be cruel, it is the survival of the fittest, but killing before getting killed is the way of survival. However humanity got it all wrong. Power corrupts, I guess, and humans, in their nature, are disgusting and vicious parasites.

Will humanity of the future evolve into a better species without the need for written laws and political systems or will humanity go back to their natural instinctive impulses (survival mode)?
Or will humanity be no more. I wonder...



Cheered you up? There... at least it was worth it, then....
This life is so pointless, so better have a good good laugh at it, I think. The absurdity of our existence is hilarious, when you come to think about it (<= This is said in a very positive tone and with a smile, mind you) (I sound kinda cheerful O.O What's wrong with me? Well, I did have one of my hm, episodes few days ago, therefore I'm in my numb state at the moment. Well nevermind.)
It felt a little awkward tho. Is it awkward to do that? I can't tell O.o
But you know, I thought this: if the situation was reverse, if I was in your place, would I like getting a random feedback from like-minded? Mostly yes, so I hoped you'd feel the same.

Oh. I see. You're obsessed.
I don't relate to your "Why not" part tho. I don't have a caring mother. I actually...I always thought my suicide would unite my dysfunctional emotionally ret*d ex-family, not separate them O.o At least for a little while, before they resume ripping each other throats apart.

But as I said, I can actually relate almost completely to your 'Why yes' reasons.
I need not to tell you anything because urgh ~mumbles~ cantbelieveiwilladmitthispubliclybut I share your opinions in paragraph I and II on love.
('The love' not that hypocritical egocentric pretense humans call 'love')
And I think -sigh- I'm kinda obsessed too -.-
No matter how much of the fine-on-my-own act I put on or the 'normality' role I play, no matter the debate whether my emotions are just weakness or whether I'm delusional, no matter my extraordinary sense of pride, in my honest moments I know that although I *am* good on my own, I would be better with him (or for him, point the same). I gladly admit I'd rather be delusional than possibly and regretfully sorry (for being the one who gave up).

However I seem to be obsessed in a slightly different tone.
I'm into the process of traveling as well as the destination. I just... Well here's what I think:
I suspect there's a good reason why I'm alone (atm or permanently). I have no my own emotions except the bloody pain. Damn masochism... pain, pain, pain. Nothing else. Pain ... and boredom. 97% of time.
I'm so bored with this life, with people, with everything (except the mentioned 'Moments' that make up the remaining 3% and are completely worth it!). But maybe (and you mentioned the same thing) I am incapable of loving, of connecting with another person, now, at this stage, and therefore I can't be with him. I never (including all of my so-called family, my "friends", friends and the rest, people who are different, people who are normal, anyone!) never was able to connected with anyone in my life. And in my RL I'm not some antisocial misanthrope who lives in a cave (oh I wish -.-), in my RL I have tons of friends, I work with people, I'm all smiling and lovable and charming and all sugary and people actually love me. [ Oh. Not just that: people wanna be me. Tsk. Pathetic.] Maybe I'm not fit for love just yet. Maybe I couldn't feel it not even if it punches me right in the face - just like I can't feel any emotion. Except the pain. I feel numb. Well.
But ... still... I can feel he's there. It gives me solace, that feeling. Even tho, 'there' doesn't necessary mean being physically in 'this world', I suppose.

So whether now, at this moment, I'm on the road I have to walk alone, whether this is some kind of jail punishment, or a learning process, or whether I have to pass all the checkpoints before meeting him, I don't know. Perhaps without this 'time' I had and am having, I wouldn't even recognize him, let alone be able to open up enough to love him. Maybe I'm not ready. Maybe in this life I will never be ready. I don't know, I keep thinking about it. Maybe I can't feel. Maybe I'm damaged by humanity.

I keep thinking, maybe this is my punishment. My jail. And I have to grid my teeth, bite my lips and do it. Just...keep on for now.
Otherwise, if I give up before the finish line, I might end up repeating the sentence - and next life might be even worse (if that's even possible!)
Heck, maybe in my next jail, I'd be ... ~gulp~ normal!

But
think of this:
if the idea of soul mates is true, even if you haven't met yet (in this life), you are hm "destined" to be together. Eventually.
So,
wouldn't that hypothetical girl want you to be...okay while you're apart? I mean, she feels the same for you, right? Do you think she'd want you to feel miserable and sad? Imho, if it is love, no selfishness is included. Meaning: she'd want you to be okay, to feel okay even when, or while she's not around.
Right?

Let's say this:
But curing maybe is something you need to learn on your own before being meeting her? Example: no one can learn how to walk instead of you. Pushing, begging, bribing,... those are only helping, but the act is on you. I mean, holding your hand - yes. Being with you along the way - yes. Encouraging you - yes. Goofing around you with video camera and recording everything then posting on youtube for laughter - yes But you yourself have to learn how to walk

I think love, true love is the only state of mind where we - or, where humans can transcend our inborn selfish nature
Because when you dig deep inside, our urges, our bare nature - survival instincts - are indeed only exclusively selfish. We *have* to be. It is either survive. Or be killed.
So to care about someone else, someone else's existence, we have to give up on our survival urges. We have to give up on our selfishness.
Imho.

I understand the pain, I really do.
But maybe... maybe you need to do/learn/understand something first? Maybe you can't find her because you have to learn to let her go first?

Hey, I'm just playing devil's advocate here. I put lots of thought into this topic, I've done all of the reasoning myself, first.
I mean not to preach, and I mean no offense.

Maybe... How do you vent out? Or, is this your venting out, forum posts? O.o
I'm curious.

Uhm, I think I've added one reason to your 'Why not' list, if you agree about "Moments" subject?
I still think the list could be longer, so let's add more, shall we?

How about hmmm...

(I'm sure you've heard this one before)

I guess your true love would probably be devastated if you destroy her opportunity to meet you in this life? ~shrugs~
She'd probably keep on living and searching for you, before finally dying heartbrokenly (no matter the next life, the pain infliction still counts). I mean, depends on what kind of a person she is, but yes, it's a probability, right?


Hey,
in my previous post, when I talked about "never fitting in" and never being happy, et cetera, I need to add this:
I am perfectly fine (I would say 'in love' but that would mean feeling haha) with who I am and also
I NEVER want to be "normal" nor I will ever want to be normal. Ever.
There's nothing wrong with me, I'm simply... better than normal

So you guys are too. Don't forget that :*

(Oh my Goddess, I sound like a preacher xO )

Sweet Pea hugs

More reasons to die:

- I won't have to lie in bed for hours, anymore, asking why I should get up, until finally settling for that the only good reason is because I just can't sleep, any more (drugging myself to sleep even more is very unwise, since all sleeping pills, and other drugs, are addictive - worst case scenario, stopping to take the sleeping pills would mean I can't sleep at all, anymore, or I'd at least get horrible panic attacks from less than a week's usage (I have experiences with using sleeping pills, if anyone wonders)).

- I won't get all cold, anymore, from reading about the absolute horror of the GMO industry.

- I won't get all cold, anymore, from not eating properly.

- I won't have to eat anymore (no, I do not have an eating disorder - eating just is so much work - especially the preparing of the food - incredibly much work when you have filth problems (which is funny that I even care about, considering how much bugs there are in food)).

- I won't have to shave, anymore (I absolutely hate shaving - only thing I hate more is the goddamned beardgrowth appearing :/ ).

- I won't have to hear annoying neighbours through the walls, anymore (a friend of one neighbour is so annoying that it is impossible to describe - if someone like him lived here, I would have to move out (and finding an apartment is not easy)).


More "reasons" for not dying:

- Anime can be very enjoyable, at times, but never enjoyable enough for me to feel a reason to get out of bed. Also, Japan has increased its censorship laws, recently, so I doubt we will ever see good animes like Death Note, ever again (among countless other examples, of course - good and bad).... or until the law hypothetically is changed, anyway.

- Hentai mangas can be very enjoyable, at times, but again, not enjoyable enough to get out of bed.

reason to die- so i won't have to wipe anymore.
reason to live- so i can continue to listen to leonard nimoy sing "maiden wine."

of course, some people would turn that around and make the latter a reason to die.

How is that a good reason to live...? In your view, that is. I mean, as much as I love some songs, listening to them, specifically, in no way is a reason to live. In fact, if I kept listening to the same song, all the time, I would surely start hating it, soon enough.

maidenwine was symbolic of discovering new [to me] things. the process of discovery is life-affirming.

Life-affirming........ I have experienced things that very, very few ever will experience (in this life), and all it left me with was questions.... "why?"... "what for?"... "is there a point to it...?".... well, over a year later, I can see no point to it, whatsoever.... it was just.... nonsense. So discovering something that almost no one will experience was not life-affirming in any way, whatsoever... to me, anyway. If anything, it gave me a false sense of hope, and hoping for something that never will happen hardly is good... is it, now?


Where have you gotten this from, by the way:



I don't believe in that one bit, of course. Now, that would be beyond cruel, wouldn't it...? I do not believe that the purpose of the existence of the soul(s) is to be exposed to cruelty, with no escape out of it. Suicide should be embraced, if it is for ending the pain. I am sure that my friend who killed herself is much, much happier, now.... if society wouldn't be so obsessed with preserving life until you start to rot from old age, people would respectfully celebrate the suicides of people, instead.

I'm not sure what to say here as I feel I don't really have the right to dictate what you do with your life (even if what you want to do with it is snuff it out), but I will say that as somebody who's woken up in a hospital bed after attempting to take my own life, my only thought was "thank goodness I'm still alive."