Ex kidnapping our children again. Depressed. Advice?

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You guys are right. Thank you for your support and the push I needed to get the ball rolling.


...and now it is. I just emailed her lawyer the exact reasons why I refused her terms, and that I'd accept NO LESS thn what any court would consider fair; 50-50 co-parenting with equal time in either home.

You should've seen the worthless proposal she made... that mom could move anywhere she wants and I can have SUPERVISED visits with the kids when she happened to bring the kids into the city.

Bullsheep!

Well.... time to get to the courthouse to fill in the many forms. How I wish *I* got a free & competent lawyer like she does...

Legal Aid already screwed me on this one... did absolutely nothing for nine months (not even a single document or phone call!) then sent me a bill for $750!! I've appealed 3 times, but Legal Aid refuses to believe the lawyer they assigned would do nothing then send a bill.... that would be unethical! They'd never do that... LOL!


So.... the fight is on. I'm not exactly in my strongest area of talent here... I'm a gentle soul, not a fighter.

Oh gawd... I'm a mess. I've been in a full-blown aspie shutdown since my eldest son (9) accidentally spilled the beans about their mom's latest sneaky move. It's bad enough she's been denying visitation as much as possible for the last 3 years, but now she's trying to sneak out of town with them. Again. This time it's happening so fast (end of this month) that there's no way I could get to court to stop it.

Quite frankly, I've been very cautious about getting the courts involved... there's lots of reasons why, but the biggest is that if we were to go to court right now, she'd probably lose ALL custody, with them coming to me.

You might think this is a good thing, and it is... the kids would no longer be living in filth (from floor to ceiling, like a nasty episode of Hoarders), proper education (her homeschooling is woefully inadequate), proper food (she's barely functional enough to feed them one meal a day, they fend for themselves at 7 & 9!) and I'd be able to teach them all the important life lessons currently being swept under the carpet. Child Services has been called on her AT LEAST six times (NEVER by me!) and the kids are NOT doing well in her inadequate care...
They're sometimes under the care of her ex-satanist mother and step-dad who are both psychotic nutbags who DESTROYED my two nephews who lived with them... how long until they turn their fury on my kids? While alone with "grampa" one of them ended up with a broken collarbone from a "sledding mishap"... for his sake, I sure hope so.

So why don't I get them out of there?

Call me insane, but I still love and care for that woman... and ~half of this whole mess is NOT her fault. 7 years ago her sister was hideously, brutally tortured then killed by her husband. After that, she somehow got it in her head that she was next... Despite me never showing violence in any way, she began to fear and mistrust me. She dealt with that by controlling my every move and not allowing me to show any negative emotion whatsoever - from mere pessimism, to frustration, to actual anger - the smallest display would bring her fury!
It was obvious to most that she needed counseling! Badly! However, she adopted many of her psychotic mother's beliefs, such as, "counselors are useless and only wusses go to them" and "There's no such thing as depression - only losers having a pity-party."

Just as she refused all counseling (etc) to mend our failing marriage, she also refused all counseling/therapy to recover from her sister's murder. Bringing up the subject would arouse her wrath as well - that I was an insensitive as*hole for just wanting her to "get over it".
(Sorry about the extensive detail... I hope the backstory helps.)

So why don't I save the kids from this mess? Because if I go to court right now, she'd be destroyed. If she were to lose the kids in her current emotional state, I see two very likely possible outcomes:
a) she'll lose her mind entirely and shut down 100% (vs her current 80%) and possibly even kill herself, or,
b) she'll lose her mind entirely and kill the children, rather than let them go to "a monster" she fears so much.
(before you say that's unlikely, it's actually quite common. Most children are murdered by their moms, and usually in a case just like this! There've been ~3 this year in my province alone!)

I've tried so very, very hard not to hurt her... to show her that I'm not the enemy she fears - but there's just NO getting past that irrational fear I'm going to brutally murder her out-of-the-blue just like her sister was. I've always paid every cent of child support (and then some) despite the fact she prevents me from seeing them as much as she can... (I'm lucky to see them for a few hours a month, and always under her watchful gaze) and have been as communicative and amiable as possible. She, however, simply refuses all communication except the most essential, and/or to ask for more money.


...I could use some advice or opinions. I think I've done all I can while being non-confrontational... I think it's time to finally douse the flame I've kept lit for her and start fighting for the kids. I don't think I'll be able to save her... but maybe I can save the kids from their current awful surroundings. If I do get full custody, I would *not* prevent visitation like she has. (Unless she's REALLY a mess and I have reason to believe she'd harm or kidnap them... I'd want her to get counseling for that while she still sees them OFTEN - in a safe way.)

It's time for action. Now. No more "soft and gentle"... Three years of kindness have softened her up occasionally, but ALWAYS she rebounds from her brief moment of tenderness with harsh cruelty. I wonder if her mother is the influencer there...
...but it's time to act. Should I go to family court, knowing it'll likely destroy her but save the kids from an unhealthy life?


Thanks.

I'm amazed you have not taken them in already.

The key word here is misandry.