Being Alone

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I'm begining to like the feeling of being alone. More freedom to do what I want. Sometimes, I can feel lonely when other people are around, though.

I feel much lonlier around groups of people. I can always feel myself shutting down, but fighting it and trying to think through all of the different scenarios that might come up and what I might say. I'll end up wearing down quickly and that's when I start really feeling the gaping chasm that exists between me and most other people. Christ, I'll be at "celebration" things at work where I'm supposed to be basking in good feeling. I can intellectualize "getting" what I'm supposed to "get" out of it, but I don't feel anything. After I grab a drink and head back to my office -- shut off the lights -- sit down and do some work -- someone will come by and say, "Hey, why aren't you at the party? Oh, that's right, you're antisocial... ha ha..."

f*****s.

I had a period at the end of 2006 where I was so horribly alone. I'd never felt like that before. Now, I'm quite content, overall, with no complaints on the matter. Kind of enjoying it, actually.

If I could get my brain to quiet down, I'd probably enjoy lonliness a bit. I used to when I was younger, but all these years of constant chatter chatter chatter. Ugh. I got tired of hearing my interior monologue a long time ago.

I feel like I'm alone quite often, eventhough I don't want to be alone. I know that I have a few friends, but they have different classes than I do, plus one of them moved away about 6 years ago. I really enjoy hanging out with this one girl in my band, but I don't know if she wants to be friends with me or if she likes hanging out with me, so it makes some events kind of stressful and sometimes (in the end) extremely depressing. Most people think that autistics always like being alone, but the more I look at my life, the more I see it's not completely true. I think that most of us like being around people at some points, it's just that we have trouble with some of the finer aspects of socialization when it comes to friendships. Not saying that there aren't times when I'd really want to be alone (it gives me time to analyze my thoughts and to be able to just be able to be in control of what I want to do during my free time instead of what others want to do). I was just saying that a lot of the time I'd wish I was with someone when I was alone with no one to hang out with. Of course, I'm a girl on the spectrum so it could be different for a guy when it comes to how much we enjoy or not enjoy being alone.

Alone is a strange concept. If I am talking on the phone, I can be physically 'alone' but not socially alone. What bothers me is when I am a 'ghost'. You know, you walk into a room, say 'Hi!' or ask a question, and no one responds. They don't look at you or talk to you. It's like they can't even see you - you are a ghost. You can hear them, but they act like they have headphones on - they don't respond.

When this happens, and I know I am just being ignored, I don't push it (a.k.a. yell, nag, get in someone's face). I just get depressed. Because of this, I guess I pay special attention to others when they talk (even to people other than me). I sometimes 'intercede' on their behalf (sort of say, "Hey - he/she is talking to you!"). I think I'd like it if someone would do the same for me.

Totally understand and I do the same. If no one responds, I generally do.

I like being alone. Lonely is not such a good feeling as 'aloneness'- happy to be alone. I sometimes feel lonely when I'm with other people but rarely when I'm on my own.

I agree. There is a distinction between "alone" and "lonely" that people seem to miss. I'm not alone nearly as much as I'd like, I'm mostly interacting and going through the motions at work, school, etc. All I think of is getting back to my guitar, or going for a bike ride.

I wish I was alone more, and lonely less. Does that even make any sense?

I find a lot of people miss that distinction. I have friends who wonder why I am not lonely given that I live alone and don't have a significant other. And one place I used to work, there was a woman who seemed to be very interested in me, as in wanting to socialize outside work... and she pretty much said outright once that the fact I live alone must mean that I am lonely.

Feh.

There's also a very annoying commercial for McDonald's on the air now, the two guys in the car who have ordered Double Cheeseburgers. The nerdy-looking guy in the passenger seat asks his buddy "Do you ever think single cheeseburgers get lonely? You know, because they're single." The driver asks "You're single... are you lonely?" and the first guy replies "Yes!".

The reason I spend so much time alone is because I like it that way!! !

I'm alone a lot of the time, but I like it that way. I can entertain myself at any time. (I think the only time I don't like being alone is when I have to work on a group project because then it's difficult to find a group.)

Moses3, I know exactly what you're saying. It used to bother me too, but it really doesn't now. If no one acts like they can hear you, then you don't have to hear them.

Yes, it does. I feel like that a lot of the time too. Substitute 'guitar and bike ride' for 'art and books' and that's me! Great to have things that make you feel good isn't it?

I was only thinking about this the other day. I've been likening it to having a built in cloaking device. I can stand in the middle of a room of acquaintances and watch tham all greeting and talking to each other, but the sea of people parts around me. What's worse is that I now know that if any is approaching me, it's only because they want something. That's the odd thing about this "cloaking device", it doesn't work when I want it to !

I'd like a cloaking device... or at least a way of feeling less conspicious. I like being in crowds but not being overly noticeable or anything. Always feels like people pay more attention to me then you should, when i'm just trying to chill out.

I've been alone so much, I talk to myself.

Don't worry that's not a problem unless you do that when surrounded by people. There's a gal at work that argues with herself as she walks up and down the hall. Now that's a problem!