Not sure what answer I'm looking for..

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You're right there and that's well put. It's all a choice, and it's good to be reminded of that - so thanks

I'm just thinking that we all have (human) needs and there's no substituting them for happiness (ie they need to be dealt with), or vice versa as you pointed out.

Thanks for saying so, I'm glad my thinking isn't backwards at least (as sometimes I'm sure it is).

I'm sorry if it does sound like sanctamonious babble. It's so easy forgetting that it's true.

Look, you can actually track lonliness as a feeling and a colour and a sensation in your body, expel it, completely 'flip' it' by changing all sensory qualities around, and reassert it. And, guess what, the feeling has changed.

So it must be transitory. Same with anything you can feel.

Same with me.

If I don't stay on top of other people figuratively or reach out, I don't get to participate in events and activities.

I'm also known for being easily non-remarkable and easy to forget that I was there. I've had people forget that I was somewhere, and I was the one who drove them there. I'd attribute this to maybe one person having bad memory, but when it happens repeatedly with many people, it's got to be more than a coincidence. I'm usually the last to be remembered, the first to get cut in favor of some other activity.

Conversely, several of my friends and acquaintances count me as the most dependable person they know, and when I say I'll do something, I actually do it, and I'm the person who will come through when others do not.

I know what you mean. but on the bright side, at least you referred to people you could call in the first place that could come. I have nobody I can call that would come [or reasonably be able to come] to see me.

could YOU be happy in a bucket of horseplop?

Yep.

then you're a better man than me

I wouldn't say that for a millisecond.

why not?

Actually it sounds a lot like CBT.

Interesting, I didn't know that was possible. Do you have a source for that, such as a book? That would be useful.

I think AuntLabby is also right in this, as socialising is a need (as well as biological factors). Maybe of less priority than basic survival, but still a need. So happiness is not the same as fulfilment in that sense I think.

Maybe it's an aspie thing, I read something like this about others not reciprocating etc before. Still, it's pretty tiring, annoying, etc.

I couldn't tell you what would necessarily be CBT or not, because I'm not trained in that. I started with hypnotherapy, then went on to NLP, then decided to look at what I felt worked and what didn't.

What I'm talking about, well it started as something I heard about through a friend who studied all kinds of weird therapies, and gave me stuff by so-called spiritual healers, which, although very out there at times, I found could be adapted for clinical purposes. There's lots of things I've adapted and used on myself, and with clients. It's had some very good results, as I'm very good at picking up on a client's preferred sensory experience of the world. Imagination helps, but it can be encouraged.

Other hypnotherapists I've talked to and studied with, trained in 'classical' methods, have no idea about this.

Seriously, if you remember anything and give it physical and kinesthetic qualities, and really bring it alive, you can track it through your body. I also really took to something called timeline therapy, and worked on disassociating myself from the past memories I 'imagined' along the past road.

I understand the principles behind it now, so I can adapt as I go along, and they're actually bizarre and illogical - but then again, remember that this is dealing with the unconscious mind, and its way of thinking isn't necessarily our notion of what logic is. Seriously, try it with yourself for a food that you really cannot stand. Put 100% into the technique, then see how you feel about it afterwards.