this guy really creeps me out

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Dutchy
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21 Oct 2013, 7:16 am

octobertiger wrote:
The main thing is, it doesn't matter if the guy is actually a creep or not - you don't want to find out, and don't have to.


Could't say it anymore better than this! This is so true!


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smudge
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21 Oct 2013, 9:38 am

Tequila wrote:
OP? This guy sounds dangerous. Tell him no and then avoid him as much as you can. If it continues, complain to McDonald's about an employee harassing the customers. They will not be happy with him.


No he doesn't.

Do your friends know this guy well?

I would be direct with him, i.e. "I'm not interested" and I would do it in a place with other people around...as in, in the next room.

Make sure your friends don't give him ANY details about you. If he or those close to him ask about you, make up stuff, or give very general answers. Don't let him know where abouts you live.


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chibi555
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21 Oct 2013, 11:50 am

Bad news: he sent me 3 more messages (and I really have to update my security on facebook)
More or less good news: he gave up on asking me to dinner, but I think he still wants to message me.
To answer some of the questions / comments:
I don't know why my friend (the one who doesn't work with him) was being so pushy. I guess it is possible she was trying to play match maker? :? I'm not sure.
and no my friends do not know him very well at all. my friend that works with him only talks to him at work, and not very much.
I'm going to try to avoid McDonald's as much as I can. I've told my friend (his co-worker) about what's been going on and I think she might say something to him about it.
I'm also thinking of anything else that I could do. :|



Dutchy
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21 Oct 2013, 12:41 pm

Bummer! Clearly you haven't been clear to him. Make him understand that you wish he doesn't give you any form of messages. You just don't want that. It is your right, and he just has to accept that. It's really a communication-thing. Be clear to this guy, and be clear to your friend(s) that you don't wish any contact with him. You don't have to give them any reasons or whatever. Just say that you don't want him to approach you other than a waiter at mcdonalds. Good luck!


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octobertiger
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21 Oct 2013, 1:00 pm

copy and paste: "I don't want anything to do with you. I know my rights. Go away. Now."

Simple.



Toy_Soldier
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21 Oct 2013, 2:59 pm

Once you cut off contact, it should fade away in time. So far it seems just an over-the-top infatuation on his part and annoying but not dangerous.

If it does not stop after a reasonable time, or if at any point it escalates to something more threatening you will have to decide on your response which can involve filing a formal complaint.



Tequila
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21 Oct 2013, 3:32 pm

smudge wrote:
No he doesn't.


Perhaps I hadn't read it properly but I hope the OP was clear to him that his attention was unwanted.

As for your update - clearly this guy does not know boundaries. If I had not received an answer after the first message or two, that's the time to give up.



smudge
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21 Oct 2013, 5:30 pm

octobertiger wrote:
copy and paste: "I don't want anything to do with you. I know my rights. Go away. Now."

Simple.


No. You don't want to make this guy aggressive, that would be very bad news. You have to be firm but polite.


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Cad
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23 Oct 2013, 3:38 am

OP.. be very careful. I've been in similar situatiuons as you and although you want to be nice, you have to stand your ground or they'll see an opening and think you're interested in them, and trust me, it's bad when this happens. Imagine if you do contact him back, how much he'll message you then?

If he messages you, just don't reply. Simple. He'll get the hint. A guy was like this with me and once even told me he'd kill himself if I didn't go out with him. You don't need this rubbish.


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Janissy
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23 Oct 2013, 6:26 am

It's time to cut off all contact. Do not reply to any messages, not even to say "no" or "I'm not interested". It is also important that he never sees you again, if that is possible. Do not go to this McDonalds anymore, not even to visit your friend. If he realizes you are there to visit your friend when he's not working he may start hanging around the area when he's not working in the hopes of running into you. Ask your friend to never mention you in any way to him. If he asks her about you, she needs to say nothing about you other than that you aren't interested. Change your facebook settings to the highest privacy level so that he can't access your profile at all- profiles give too much information about your whereabouts and activities which he may use as a way to "accidentally" run into you.

I dealt with this when I was much younger. Getting off an obsessive guy's radar is the only solution. Eventually another woman wanders into his field of vision for him to focus on. Back in my day there was no facebook or messaging so avoidance was quite a bit easier. Total avoidance is harder than it used to be for my generation but it is the only way.



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23 Oct 2013, 8:24 am

In fact, I wonder what your friend sees in this guy as even a friend. I wouldn't be friends with someone being creepy with my friend. And how do you know she isn't going to tell him anything about you?


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chibi555
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23 Oct 2013, 3:38 pm

I blocked him on facebook and I'm pretty sure my friend (his co-worker) said something to him cause he hasn't asked her about me or tried to contact me since. :) I'm still going to avoid McDonalds for a while, but I think the worst of this mess is over.
As for the question from smudge:
I don't really think my friend (the one that doesn't work with him) actually sees him as a friend. I think that she found out he had a thing for me and got overly excited at the thought of playing match maker for me. :? And I told her not to tell him anything about me. I also told her that if she did anything like this (trying to fix me up) I wouldn't talk to her for a month straight, maybe more.
Besides I may not have many friends, but if I have to be dating someone in order to be around her, then I'd just as soon not see her.



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23 Oct 2013, 3:44 pm

smudge wrote:
octobertiger wrote:
copy and paste: "I don't want anything to do with you. I know my rights. Go away. Now."

Simple.


No. You don't want to make this guy aggressive, that would be very bad news. You have to be firm but polite.


Disagree, Smudge. Sometimes even a hint of politeness can be seen as a 'come on'. Fearing aggression is no way to live life, and I don't think it applies to this situation, as there was an indication of creepiness, but no more. I think a line needed drawn, and OP had already been more than polite. Of course, it depends on the guy - and we don't know him.

^
Above seems academic. Glad it's probably sorted OP. It's amazing the harm well-meaning friends can do.