I lost my dog today.

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So sorry this happened. You were her rescuer. I lost my dog in the same way, he is buried in the hills he loved to run in.

To fence off half would be 2000. Anything less would not give the dogs room to run. I still can't afford it right now.

I tried to grow blackberry brambles but it wasn’t a good enough fence.

She is buried next to our other pets that died of natural causes.

I looked at the blood stains on the road, after my son found her collar over 150ft from where I found her. I think she was hit once and survived but tried to crawl home, but was hit again. The blood stretches over 100ft in one spot as if she was dragged.

If only I had gone out there when I first heard Lacy barking non-stop I might have saved her. Lacy barks so much that I just got annoyed. I let my stupidity ruin the chance to save her.

I let her down. I failed her in her time of need.

Please do not do this to yourself. I was blaming myself for years when I lost my dog to a automobile hitting him. It happened right in front of me, and there was nothing I could do to stop him from dying. I was holding his beautiful head in my hands and giving him air but he was gone. The pickup truck that hit him had done its deadly work. It was my fault it happened, I should have had the dog on a leash. I was going to put him on a leash, but my friend said the road we were going to take a walk on had hardly any traffic, and the dog could just run with us as we walked. As I was pregnant and not steady on my feet at the time, I gave in to laziness and left for the walk with his leash hanging on the hook. And 10 minutes later a truck came fast down the hill and killed him, as he was looking at me, with those playful eyes. My brother had to get his vehicle, and put my dog in there on a blanket, and we drove 2 hours to his favorite place to dig his grave. I have never owned another dog, since 1990 - in honor of him.

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Dont get yourself into blaming yourself. If you would have known, that she would have needed your help, you would have instantly gone to help her. Not knowing is no crime. Its something that we need to live with, when giving our beloved ones the independence, that makes them happy.

My friend, shortly before she died, found a lot of comfort in the rainbow bridge. I think she felt she would be joining her cats who had gone before her.

I'm so sorry for what happened, FlanMaster. I wanted to say something earlier but did not have the words. I still have no words but to say I feel how very devastated you are because of my previous losses.

I do hope that there is an afterlife, and that all creatures get to enjoy it, not just humans.

I don't know how to not blame myself. It was essentially my fault through failure.

I literally feel like I have knives in my chest. I can't eat. I am drinking water just to try to ease the pain in my throat. Every time I think I am getting better, some memory comes into my mind and I fee like I am being crushed alive.

You were trying to balance a happy, free life with safety. The only other alternative would have been to keep her inside the house which would have been very limiting for her considering she was a larger size dog.

If I maybe would have brought my cat one day sooner to the veterinary lab, if there maybe would have been the other doctor working the day before, if that other doctor maybe would have recognized earlier from what my cat suffers, if the test results may have come earlier, if the "sonar" would have been more detailled, if ....

There is no if, for the past. Life is as it is, and if is for the future, not for the past. Allow yourself instead to focus on those memories in a good way. If whenever a memory comes up, you will start blaming yourself and makes you feel bad, then thinking of the memories of your friend will become bad for you. Your friend wants to be in your mind and memories, what he was in life for you. Someone giving you shelter and joy, not something giving you blaming bad feelings.

I know that specially at the start, you will experience whenever your daily routine is disturbed this sudden sadness. Only getting one catdish instead of two. Only getting the small tin with catfood instead of the big one. Seeing a shadow under the bushes, automatically thinking "Oh, there is she hiding again." until realizing, that she wont hide anymore. But whenever the good memory come as well, allow them to be in your heart without blame to comfort you. Thats what your friend would like you to allow him.

I'm so sorry.

Flanmaster you didn't mean for it to happen but accidents do, and will always happen. Blaming yourself, accepting responsibility, if it is valid, is something that need only be done one time. Going over it repeatedly will do you or your dog no good.

I don't know, but do also hope there is an afterlife. Something I do after a pets death is ask God, that if their are no pets there, to change the rules and allow them. I try to explain we are happiest among the animals and green things. Maybe its just a mental exercise, but it helps me think all that can be done, has been done and put mourning aside.

That's humorous that you mention your prayer asking for the rule change. I have been praying for 2 days that God allows her to be in eternity and eternally happy, and if that is against His rules then would He please change the rules to allow it, since they are His rules and He can change them any time He chooses.

I hope I can start enjoying the memories without the remorse of my failure, but I also fear that the memories will start to fade away and I fear that I will remember her less often. I would like to remember her daily. I don't want her to fade from my mind nor my heart. I am afraid of betraying her by forgetting her, except for the occasional thought that some random event may elicit. I don't ever want to forget her. I don't want to lose her twice.

Duplicate post. please delete.

<hugs> So sorry for your loss.

I woke up this morning and thought I could hear her. In the morning around 06:30 she likes to "punch" the door of her kennel 3 times in rapid succession to wake me to take her out for a potty break, then she comes right in and starts her breakfast dance until I feed her, the rest, and the cats. The cats must be fed also (I think mostly so she can get the scraps after they are done)

I have thanked God for the time she has been allowed to be with us. I asked him to please give her eternal happiness, and that I hope she touches His heart as much as she has touched mine, and gives Him as much love as she has given us. I have asked him for her to please remember us joyfully, and to allow us to be reunited with her in eternity.

Perhaps some think that this is foolish, but I have to hope. I don't want to lose her twice. I don't want her to fade from my mind nor my heart. I wish I could stop hurting while holding on to the intensity of the awareness of her. I somehow think that the more I can think of her, the more she will be able to be here in spirit. All faiths, even the one we call "judaeo-christian", acknowledge that all creatures have a spirit and a soul. I don't want to force her to be "bound" here, but I want her to have the freedom and desire to visit us often.

I am hoping that the understanding derived from the various historical texts concerning the innocence (not being subject to "sin") of animals, and their reported anxiousness to be free of the curse of death that man brought to this world is indication that God is granting them eternal life free from death and pain

My wife suggested that I start a blog about Bonnie. I think it will help. The children and I are gathering the photos we have of her. several have already agreed to write down memories and dates that they can recall. I want to try to write it from her perspective, 3rd person, but her perspective as it might have been at the time, translated into human understanding, of course.

I realize Bonnie's a unique boxer. She's a runt in the classic sense. They had papers, akc, on her so we know that she's reportedly all boxer.. But as an adult she initially weighed only 29 lbs, at the shoulder, we estimate about 17 to 18 in. She did finally top 40 lbs this year, in spite of all her running and playing.

I love Bonnie so much. I pray that I do right by her now. If there is any chance that I can see her again, I want to do what I need to enable her to "cross over", if that is a part of it all, so that she will be there, and so that if I manage to make it myself, I will see her again.