Fear of dying "/

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I fear death too, but mostly what happens right before it. I have a chronic illness, which can be reversed a bit, but it requires aggressive treatment, and some rather costly treatments which insurance does not yet want to pay. This chronic illness is making my life hard to enjoy every day, I've thought about life ending more than a few times in the past couple of months, because I am not getting better due to improper treatment and doctors not caring about me enough to help me when I ask them regularly for help. Death itself is scary, but the follow up to death is something I'm really afraid of as well. I watched my mom die slowly, it was not pretty. She was extremely depressed, lonely, and in a lot of pain. Living was not life anymore.

I've spent many hours researching how people "Come to terms with death as a dying young person" While it helps to see that there are other people dealing with some of the things that I deal with, it is still not easy. We have so many things we still want to do, but our health problems are our ruler.

The only thing I can think of doing right now to make my situation feel just a little bit better is take comfort in my family, the little amount of family that I know and have. Be grateful for the joys I've experienced, albeit I've spent a lot of my life suffering... And realize we all die. Some sooner some later but we gotta go some time. It doesn't really feel that great thinking about these things right now, but maybe as I am in the last moments, these things will be easier to accept.

I take comfort in knowing that medicine and technology are improving so quickly, possibly enough for us to ultimately cheat death. As soon as a good anti-aging pill goes on the market, I'm going to take it, and want to become bionic eventually. It sounds pretty out there, but there's lots of research going towards it.

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