Suicidal and embarrassed

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Toy_Soldier
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Joined: 17 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,370

31 Jan 2014, 8:13 am

Yeah, you should see your doctor and explain what is going on. If they can't help they will try and point you towards right specialist. You sound overwhelmed and could use some medical assistance. I don't know what will do it for you. Therapy or perhaps meds. Don't mess around with your life though and seek assistance as soon as possible.

Really I think you are seeing things very distorted at the moment. Some frankly doesn't make sense and tells me your kind of freaking out over things that you really shouldn't be. You make it sound like Invasion of the Body Snatchers or something. There is nothing wrong with you or your personality at its core. You are mainly NT and have a AS overlay in certain areas. Definately a serviceable person and definately you do not lack feelings or emotions. Maybe you just realize you have focused too much on yourself and feel crappy about it? What is wrong with that? Thats a good thing to realize, I believe. You think you can't change, because it is not 'natural' to you? Well guess what, selfishness is natural to all people, NT & AS. You don't have to be taught selfishness. We are born with it.

Don't give up on something just because it will be hard. You say you wish to be certain things. If you can visualize it, you can attain it.



Crearan
Blue Jay
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Joined: 2 Jan 2014
Age: 41
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31 Jan 2014, 11:13 am

Thank you, everyone. Had a horrible night day before yesterday; got in to see a psychiatrist and looking at partial hospitalization programs and just set up an appointment with a therapist who comes highly recommended. I'm not looking forward to this process (finding care that works; it's time-consuming and costs so much), but it's better than feeling like I did when I started this post.

I have OCD, and went through a weird psychotic-ish year as a kid, so some of that might have been reemerging. You're all probably right. Something with the meds and the other things I have is probably interplaying with what I've been reading/suspecting about ASD. The best thing I can do now is to work with people with an outsider perspective to figure out what the hell's going on.

@Solitudinarian You're right, I'm lucky my father cares. He's odd about it, but he tries his best, and I'm grateful. He's been very kind the past few days.