I am a bad person

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You are not a bad person at all.Everyone does stuff they feel bad about.

You don't strike me as a bad person. You seem very compassionate actually.
Are these things a compulsion? Perhaps you could get some treatment if it is some sort of disorder.

Babybird, do you feel like you are never going to be forgiven? Do you feel like you will never be able to move on? I felt the same way too and FYI time heals very well. I have made awful choices and for me, the time it took in-between the bad choice and feeling better was something that helped heal me. There are other things that helped me feel better but time was something that stood out.

Sometimes finding a way to accept and forgive a way someone else has hurt me, something unintended by someone who overall is decent helps.

I would not suggest trying to think this way about major, intentional cruelty though I guess that helps some people. I can't do that, though.

To try to forgive and let go of the minor hurts and believe In the possibility of some goodness, some hope, some connection does help me not be as angry with myself, and you also seem very angry with yourself Babybird.

I don't know whether this will help you, but maybe try, maybe helps a little bit.

k leptomania is a disorder, a compulsion. You are not bad. You are addicted. I am not sure how it works, but there is treatment [maybe google it] If you start feeling better about yourself, it might help breaking the addiction easier .

^^Well that's gave me something to think about. I seem to treasure stolen items more than I do the things that are my own. I think that they have got a different character and feeling about them.

There was a time in my life when I couldn't go into someone's house without leaving with something I'd stolen.

I've even broke into houses to take stuff, not even valuable stuff, just like treasure for myself.

I don't do that sort of thing these days though. But I still get itchy fingers.

I don't trust myself to be where people leave handbags and stuff, it's a nightmare sometimes.

I don't know.

I'll have a little think about it.

I wouldn't really want to give it back if I'm honest, because it would belong to me.

I don't like to think about that.

Back when I was in a band with some of my brothers our bass player wrote a song that I thought was relevant to post in this thread. The song was called "Kleptomania"

Sitting on his own a urge came rushing to his brain
then came a voice but not his own, it was his mind it played
It said he needed nothing but to take it anyway
and offered him no peice of mind untill its price was paid

CHORUS
They cant know what haunts you (have you gone insane)
Have you gone insane?
What isn't yours just taunts you (so take it anyway)
So take it anyway

He served it in an endless quest in hope of its demise
But not for what's behind locked doors, the sake of it was why
Conscious holds no relevance when consequences die
So in the end its just the same despite the reason why

CHORUS
They cant know what haunts you (have you gone insane)
Have you gone insane?
What isn't yours just taunts you (so take it anyway)
So take it anyway

At night he sat there empty in confusion most of all
Like everything he owned was just a pile on the floor
Not enough to satisfy no matter how much more
Cause all that he desired wasn't anything at all.

CHORUS
They cant know what haunts you (have you gone insane)
Have you gone insane?
What isn't yours just taunts you (so take it anyway)
So take it anyway

This was back from when I was still at school. Was fun to play live.

Agree with Vicki.

Dont beat up on yourself.

But do work on yourself.

You DO need to pay attention to this issue.



What is the emotional payoff of possesing something that you didnt pay for?
What does it mean to you? There might be clues there to other things in your life. Think about it. Maybe think about getting professional help.

{{{{hugs}}}}