I was lied to...by another Aspie

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Let me tell you something, my potential friend: it's not just aspies. And it's not just online.

My friend (who's on the spectrum) has had a real on-and-off in-person relationship with an NT woman for the past couple years. He'll call or e-mail, and she'll go 404 on him for sometimes weeks at a time. Any time I ask how they're doing together, his answer is "I wish I knew." What didn't help this relationship is the fact that her father is not real open-minded and had a real problem with my friend being on the spectrum, and had a serious meltdown about something while they were all out together. Whether or not that has anything to do with the rest of the story, I don't know. But I'm sure it couldn't have helped much.

About a month ago, said woman decides that after all that, she now wants to MARRY my friend. I was incredulous. Turns out Woman's friend had an engagement party and it went off so well that Woman wanted to have a party like that of her own...and to do that, she had to commit to Friend. I told Friend not to take Woman up on her offer, based on her spotty record on returning messages and her father's outbursts. He's got other prospects now (some online) and they're going a lot better than his in-person relationship did.

So to bottom-line it for you, no. The problem is probably not you. The problem is the woman you chose this time around, who sounds just like a lot of others, despite her Asperger's. Chin up, search on. You'll find the right one eventually.

Nothing's wrong with you. You're human.

1) Would you want to marry someone who has what you see as a serious character flaw, i.e., lying?

2) Would you want to marry someone who doesn't respect you?

3) Silence is an answer.


You deserve better.

People with Asperger's are not saints, and in fact might be more prone to really badly hurt each other due to poor social skills, being emotionally screwed up, yet being able to get closer to you than an NT could (and the closer someone is to you, the more they can hurt you).

You should never enter into a relationship with someone with AS expecting to be treated perfectly. What you can expect, though, is to be better understood than by someone who is NT. But just because two people understand each other well and can relate to each other, does not mean the relationship will go smoothly.

Maybe you scared her without realizing it. Maybe she scared herself. Maybe she reached her "maximum" for human contact. Maybe she found someone else.

It would be nice if she would give you an explanation though. Leaving you in the lurch like that is inexcusable. You deserve a "yes, no, or maybe." Not silence.

An concrete answer is nice, but pursuing someone who doesn't want contact can be viewed as stalking at some point.

Poor Tim.

Don't worry.

This really upsets me because not only was she an Aspie, but she and I had similar interests and beliefs. Finding another Aspie in and of itself is difficult enough, but finding one who I can very easily connect with would be virtually impossible.

Tim

I've had someone pm me on aspie affect, but I think she is fake since I've seen the same message posted on other forums when I googled her email address.