Well its official I am an insensitive as*hole!

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To OP.
I don't know what to say to you except that you will come through this.
(HUGS)! !!

Oh Sweetie; I wish I could give you a hug. It is not your fault that your mom is sick [youngest son went through a period where he blamed himself for my cancer. He went through a hell that he,like you, do not deserve] Do you mind me asking what form of leukemia your mom has? I have NEVER considered you 'bad" or 'evil." What I HAVE thought is "Autistic with a big helping of ADHHHHHHHHHHD, just like me."

Because of that, when I am not laughing at your antics, I have always been a little bit envious of you.
Why? I do not mind being old, but I believe that we are on the cusp of a period when autistics can make HUGE positive changes in the world. I will not be around for much of that. And you are Autistic, so you stand by your integrity and sense of fairness. But, you are also ADHHHHHD, and that means you just plain GOTTA do something. Put those together with your age and your ornriness, and you can, and I believe will, make enormous contributions to the autistic community [ and that means the entire world because when Autistic awesomeness is finally recognized and accepted, the entire world will benefit]

I have always liked you. I find you funny, even some of the times when you are being deliberately obnoxious. I have never seen you being deliberately cruel.

You are going through a painful time. And its'gonna hurt for a long, long time. None of that pain should be because of blaming yourself and considering yourself "less than." Because, you are pretty awesome.

Hi there AO, Vicky is perfectly right. You should certainly not blame yourself for your mom's cancer as this is a biological/medical condition / disorder that has nothing to do with you but has genetic or environmental causes.

I'm sorry about your really mean stepfather and hope it may be possible for you to see your mom while he's somewhere else, if it can be so arranged? He has no right to treat you or her so abusively. Many women accept such relationships because of their fear or because they are not really sure how to break loose from the situation and fear being alone, rather putting up with the situation.

We all need to rant and rave sometimes. I'm glad you're here as one of us and want you to know we're supportive and are thinking of you. I believe it's possible for you to find a special person of your very own who understands and accepts you, is not abusive and mean like your ex and that you can be happy with; you're only 31.

I wish I could do something but I can't I feel powerless its hurt me bad just when i thought life was hard enough it just had to get worse, but I have realized that being inconsiderate to others online esspecially those who get irritated easily in my presence to get attention isn't going to make things better but cause more problems resulting in more guilt and strife. So i need to do whatever it takes to make things right by apologizing to those i have deeply offended more than my intent via PMs its not going to save my mother but at least it will make me feel a little better inside. Just because my life sucks doesn't mean I should make other people miserable by going overboard with jokes just to temporarily make me laugh some things I have said have been cruel i merely thought they were to mildly annoy but no it has caused them grief and its not cool at all. So I am to try to fix what I have broken undo what I have done I think its for the best my mother would want me to probably. I want to make her proud before she goes I dont want her to think I hate her, I am going to miss her very much it is not very often i cry its a rare situation but i am crying Its a strange feeling.She brought me to this world and let me grow regardless of my mental flaws I made her proud when I accomplished many things and she cared about me and spent thousands of dollars on shrinks trying to figure out what was wrong with me when autism wasnt known very well. My mom loves kids which is why she became a registered nurse taking care of newborns she works in NICU she cherished my older brother my sister and even me there have been times I would drive her and my father crazy by acting like a Bart Simpson and well of course I would get scolded for sure but there are times I amazed her and made her proud on the many gifts and talents i had performed. But soon shell be gone and it hurts knowing this Im not sure If i will be able to live on when she goes but I must its what she would probably want its very hard though. I am sorry everyone im truly truly sorry I dedicate this song to those I hurt my mother and all those I care deeply for and like the song says i must hold on. [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6RvaojAxJIw[/youtube]I need to hold on while I can.

Thank you for posting that beautiful song. Be strong.

Your mother having cancer has nothing to do with anything you have said or done to anyone. Maybe dealing with her cancer will allow you to learn to express yourself in a more considerate and sensitive way, but I think all human beings learn from such experiences. Maybe learning better how to love is the exact reason human beings have to experience things like terminal illness, death and human suffering in general. Don't beat yourself up over it. Just immerse yourself in caring for your mother, showing her your love and appreciation for her. Learn from this how to be a better human being but dont allow yourself to feel guilt for something you are not responsible for.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzelrlH_pjQ[/youtube]

There you go, now I'm the insensitive *sshole. Make you feel better?

Anyhow, good luck dealing with your mom's health problems.

Well I think that covers everyone I annoyed and offended and hurt I PMed each a sincere apology it wont fix things but at least I can feel better inside and be a more responsible person.