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Hmm its a tough one. On one hand weed helps you but on the other hand it might well be making you feel alot worse overall while providing temporary states of calm. Im the same with coffee overall it makes me feel helter skelter but it provides brief moments of calm and focuus during the day.

Have you tried seriously getting into yoga and meditation. I find that its changed my life,

I've tried, but I find them both frustrating its like I don't have the concentration, focus or patience for it...But I think it might be good to look into maybe some kind of activity that could help relieve stress and maybe help fight off some of that lack of energy from depression and PTSD exhaustion. But just not sure what that would be. As for coffee, tea and energy drinks much of the time I don't get enough sleep and when I do its not restful so in the morning I usually drink coffee or tea with caffeine or if I have stuff to do in the evening/night maybe for a little energy boost. Its sort of a vicious cycle kinda deal it seems.

But yeah I don't know I've been feeling crappy for years, long before I even knew what any drugs including cannabis really where and certainly hadn't tried any. So not sure if it would be contributing or not, as for now it seems to give me relief I need to keep going...and of course I like the feeling of being stoned but most of the time I don't smoke enough for that.

Most people dont have enough patience for meditation I found it tough initially too. Its like running in the sense that you do what you can and build up. If its 1 min at first that's cool keep doing 1 min then add 30 seconds and so on. Meditation is meant to increase focus and patience just like exercise is meant to make you fitter. Both require these skills however which is precisely why theyre so powerful and also why theyre so difficult.

What mediation did you try? Finding the right type of meditation is also essential

@Ecytron - sometimes these things reduce enough social anxiety to be worthwhile from an aspie point of view. I've been in Sweetleaf's shoes for some time now and while I know it's cyclical, it's better to be alive and depressed than quite a lot of the alternatives. Plus, in the grand scheme of drugs, we're discussing the tip of the iceberg.

The way I see things, sooner or later there won't be anyone left unaffected by the police state nature of our "free country". I can't really think of anyone I know who has a reason to take our law enforcement seriously. Perhaps my grandparents in Albuquerque (though they live a block from the Breaking Bad house). Anyone and everyone can find themselves feeding the police's egos and wallets, they've internalized "guilty until proven innocent" and thus marginalize honesty as something of an externality with respect to American culture. Legal authorities tend to ally themselves against everyone and everything, the solution is ignoring them and/or being friendly towards them. Unless they know the entire town, police are flabbergasted by respect.

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Last edited by alpineglow on 26 Sep 2014, 7:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sweetleaf, have you tried anything like Resperdal or Serequel? They're antipsychcotics but they work great for autism symptoms. I smoke a lot of weed too, for the same reason.

Im not demonising weed at all just suggesting that it could be making things worse really. Meditation is pretty much win win so I was recommending that as a way to explore more enriching routes

Meditation is good ... I can't do yoga, but I do like to sit in a comfy chair and concentrate on my breathing and relaxing my muscles. It does help.

hugs. I hope you feel better and stuff with your dad clears up.

sorry i wasn't on last night to read your post.

I've tried serequel they gave it to me last time I was in the psych ward to help anxiety and to help with sleep or something and did not like that at all, made me rather irritable but drowsy and caused a weirdly unpleasant feeling. Never tried the other though, I did try zyprexa though for the depression its also an anti-psychotic and that just made me painfully bored and unable to be interested in anything.

You might want to give Serequel a try. It does make you feel extremely weird at first, but that lasts a couple of weeks only. Who knows . . . everyone's different. I know I can't take any of the valium concoctions. I get addicted so fast it's not funny.

Well I am not opposed to meditation, but have never been able to get it right...so for the time being it wouldn't be something to rely on at all...and its too painful to just constantly feel how I feel so puts me in kind of a desperate position being in need of relief and well considering any other drugs I can think of that would give me that relief are not things I want to be taking on a regular basis which it would end up as since I feel like crap on a regular basis. Not to mention I get digestive discomfort and lack of appetite(even when i really need to eat) which the cannabis helps much quicker than anything else. But not saying I wont even bother anymore with meditation, it would be nice to learn how to do it and actually reach that relaxed state.

Yeah but a couple weeks feeling like that?....don't think I could have coped with that, made disassociation feelings worse too and that is not good I mean I don't know almost felt like the effects mimicked being stressed out which is an unpleasant state. I found klonopin very addictive but no issue like that with the valium at least for me which is nice.

Yeah . . . the first two weeks or so were very strange. I was in such a bad state beforehand though, that I didn't mind too much. But everyone's chemistry is different.

As is I'm likely going to be having to go impatient again soonish....if this particular episode of suicidal depression does not subside on its own. I just hate it I feel pathetic and though neither time I was in the psych ward was bad per say I am worried I could end up having a bad experience...especially since I have gotten more an more skeptical that there is anything the psychiatry industry can really do to help and thus far no meds really seem to work and I am sure that attitude would show if I was in the psych ward and I don't want to piss off the wrong doctor/staff member or something or be tackled to the ground because I get frustrated and start seeming at all 'agressive' I don't know....But either way all they do even if its a good stay is have me try more meds that don't work(except the valium prescription came out of the last hospitalization) but then its just sitting around till I don't think I am at risk of killing myself and then they send me on my way once its deemed I am not a danger to myself.

I was in a psych ward once for two weeks in 1992. It was not particularly helpful, but I remember all the patients gathered in the common room and we watched "What About Bob?" - Bill Murray and Richard Dryfus - it was hilarious. That was a good memory. Otherwise it was pretty useless, but that was before they knew about HFA.
When is your next meeting with the idiots who can't get their scheduling right?