I'm thinking about becoming a junkie

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I'm doing better today, but I know eventually I'll crash again. I won't become a junkie, I had to promise my father I wouldn't and I can't go back on my word.

Seriously pleased to hear that, Snake. Yeah, I know I will too. Crashing is just sort of the way it goes for me. I try to just roll with it. Keep saying to myself, this to will pass. Sure doesn't feel like it at the time, though does it

I think it's due to a number of conditions, 1. incel with no foreseeable chance of overcoming it and the fear of growing old alone, 2. society's verbal abuse on aspies (me) and neglect, it's like I'm "less important" than others, like I live as a shadow...... Sometimes I just wanna break everything around me and hurt myself but I know I shouldn't do these things.....

"Shadow". Yup, saw that in myself. I really enjoy being the fly on the wall, the shadow at the edge. Watching them, seeing what makes them tick. Got good at it, started looking at other things that way and other "types' of cultures. That's one of the reasons my wife and I get along well. She's an anthropologist by training, it's what they do, too. She has the degree, but I do it better

yeah, YOU were lucky enough to find someone in life, I'll probably grow old alone spanking my monkey like a looser.

Bah, hell I was 41 before I found her, or she found me. Lol, spanking the monkey, some of the best sex you'll ever have, no commetment and if you thinking getting married is the end of problems finding sex, you are mistaken, lol, yes you are.


But yeah I am a lucky man, cept I don't believe in luck. I make my own.

Hasn't killed me yet. That basically describes my diet, and I still have an athletic build. It's like all those calories make me so hyper I get into shape. Veggies make me feels sluggish.

snake if you were to become a junkie what drugs would you take? Don't take PCP. I heard on the radio the other day that someone in my general area took PCP and cut off and ate his own penis because he thought that he was ordering a hotdog from Wendy's. I'm not making a joke here, that really happened.

Hehe, there are so many stories around about that kind of thing. One of my favorites was about of bunch guys that dropped acid and looked at the sun so long they all went blind. True story, well yeah it was true, but only it was a story. Probably made up by a bunch of guys fighting the war on drugs and they were drunk when they came up with it.

The one I'm talking about actually happened. It's not the only time something like that has happened either. This isn't the one I was talking about, but I found it looking for the one that happened in my area.

http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2003/07/ ... 76991.html

Crappy place to be in there mate, hang in there. Life changes even when we don't want it to, or we long for it to, and believe it never will, it surprises us.
You're not alone in your angst or frustration - not by any means.

Don't self-medicate with heroin if you are going to self-medicate. I suggest seeing a psychiatrist first.

You might get a mood stabilizer, anti-depressant, anti-psychotic, or stimulant.
Most narcotics build up tolerance quickly through down-regulation of receptor sites. When you build up tolerance even self-medication won't work anymore, leaving you feeling worse. Cannabis is one of the least harmful drugs, however, the "demotivational syndrome" makes it difficult to get your life on track if you start smoking a lot. Additionally it might increase your risk of depression and psychosis.

If you do self-medicate with drugs you will end up in two places.

A. Painful rehab, costing money, wasting time, limiting your future options.
B. Dead.

I'm sure you know most of this already, but I just want to get the information out there.

I 'self-medicated' for nearly twenty years; never been in re-hab and still alive.
Had some great times, and some bad.

As far as Cannabis use and what you call 'demotivational syndrome' (what do you mean by this?)
Surely it is a good thing to have no motivation to do things you have no desire to do. (eg. slaving away 40 hours a week for a pittance whilst your boss gets rich.)

But as far as depression and psychosis, i cannot argue.
When i smoked all the time, i have been through such phases of depression, psychosis and anxiety, paranoia and social phobia. But for some people it helps in these respects.
Moderation may be the key; something i have had difficulty with in the past.

I do wish they'd get a better studies on cannabis for many fronts and get the damn big drug companies out of it. I mean, they want to sell their stuff. Something that can be grown in the back yard is bad for business. One of the problems with any type of self medicating is the dosage. It is impossible to do with "street" stuff. Pot and I did not get a long at all and that was back when it was the mild kind. This stuff today is what we used to call "trip weed". Hash was a lot more controlable for me, dose wise, but had the same downside, a little less so because I could control the amount better. About the only self medicating I did that was the least harmful, was women. That isn't a joke. In todays world even that has much more of a possible down side then when I was doing it.

"When i smoked all the time, i have been through such phases of depression, psychosis and anxiety, paranoia and social phobia."

With these symptons you are describing, some would be there just naturaly with me. Take a drug and just made them worse. Then there are the stick a needle in your vein kind, if you have any left to stick after you've been at it for a while. There were some that the drug (street) would help, then comes the addiction, then your life becomes hell from living the life style to keep the drug going. Maybe hell isn't a strong enough word.

You also left out short term memory trouble, you might think you didn't, you just forgot or still can't remember

It can be a long road finding the right leagal drug/s, but way worth it. If they really are needed. Someone might think it too expensive, but it's a lot more expensive to try to live the life style of the drug world. That place isn't for teeny-boopers, it is a very real nasty nasty place. They sense a weakness in you and you're dead meat. Well the bright side is, the drugs will probably kill you first.

I'm not anti drug as I might come across. I have an addictive pron personality, I guess. Some people it's alright with, some it isn't. Sort of like alcohol, some can do it ok and some can't. I'm doing just fine with both out of my life, well I keep the legal kind going. I don't even like to take an aspirin anymore. So I have to force myself to even do the scripts (legal).

I still wonder how I got out of that world alive, but it brought a friend I may have gotten there, that might be my doom sayer. Good chance I didn't get it in that world, I'll never know for sure. Just learning about being as aspie and the drug road I'm on now has helped me for a better out look with having Hep C. I'm very comfortable with it now. I like it here.

I've been considering the same thing... the instant nihilism brought on by heroin just seems so appealing, plus always having the oppurtunity to overdose for the most pleasant death possible.

It is not pleasent. It is full of convulsions.

I was thinkig about this sowhen I saw this thread I was like woahh
but like , I suck at life i want loads of drugs , right now i have alocohl but I know it'll wear off soon and that it wont kill me , im not wanting drugs to kill me but i want to see things nobody can see. and I dont want to see this world any longer

My mum told me when she took some at a concert at 17, she saw crazy stuff... and said dont take it. this only makes me want it.

I have hated drugs all my life BTW, and even got dumped by someone I was with for a year cause he would rather be with his friends and take drugs and have this "fun"
I dont know wtf has give me these thoughts recently.


HOLY s**t I TALK A LOT WHENI AM INTOXICATED my other post too somehow endedup this big!!